such a mad night

i guess i constantly waver between two states, going around knowing new people and seeking "spiritually compatible" friends. of course, not everyone we get to know would end up being one of our best friends. let's be honest.

some people are hard to put into boxes. at first it was horrible. you were not even gonna contact him/her again. and then you slowly accepted him/her and questioned whether or not your first intuition was right. just as you were about to think you two could move on to the next level, he/she crushed your "expectation" again. you were back to this skeptical angle... asking yourself what exactly it was that made him/her that much better to you at some point down the line. and then you realized he/she did make an impact on you; you did gain something out of this relationship.

all of a sudden, you might not want to bring the relationship to a deeper level. but you appreciated it so much more.

I remember Morris Chang, the founder of TSMC, the largest silicon foundry in the world, once said, a person would rather run out of time for the sake of his/her dream, than be losing his/her dream for the sake of lack of time. To place yourself in the former situation, not the latter, I believe, is to have a dream that you have made a commitment to reach for.

Lack of dream can lead to painful consequences. When I just got into college, I volunteered at random places that were not aligned to my lifestyle and interest at all. I couldn't believe why I took them at first. I really didn't learn much afterwards. I could have used the time to gear myself towards "the right path". Had I made a blue print of the path, I could have sticked to it and avoid the detour. Had I made a path, I would at least have something that I could make fine adjustment on. All of a sudden I started to think perhaps I should have thought of it even earlier. I shouldn't have just talked about it when I had a vision in middle school or high school. I should have learned to follow a path back then.

You'd say sometimes keeping the options open is a good thing to do. But I'd say you have to go by a path to get to anywhere at all. A person who is never choosing, never working hard to move themselves along a path, a person passively grabs what is nearby, can he/she get to a place that is fulfilling?