Anyway about that date, which is todays date surprisingly...but may have changed by the time you read this so....at that date irrespective of whichever date it is now, the date of which is written at the top which should not change I don't think, so the at the date at the top which at the time I'm writing this is today, I found out about vblog.

When I checked to see all the non-existent comments I've received I realised...


I have way too many chairs.


An astonishing discovery I know. One would think that one could not have enough chairs wouldn't one?

But one is a vehement lier and is also apparently the loneliest number you could ever do.

I've also heard that two can be as bad as one, it's the loneliest number after number one.



Anyway back to the chairs. I'm a chair collector. I collect chairs. I buy all sorts of chairs and keep them. One could say I'm a chair connoisseur...but as I said before, one would say anything if he thought there was a shag in it for him.

I do have a surprising amount that I've collected over the years though.

I would say my collection amounts in the region of about 5,000.

Now that may seem like a large number...but think about it for a second.

What would YOU do if 5,000 people suddenly showed up at your door?

Sure, you could magically feed them with 5 loaves and 2 fish...but could you seat them? Ha! I think not...
You'd be left with 5,000 very sore and angry bottoms and I wouldn't wish that upon anyone least of all you.

Even so, the FBI have been watching me recently and with all the chairs in my house they're getting suspicious.

I've graphed the rate of immigrants entering America by how many chairs I've bought and they correlated with such mathematical strength you could almost say it proved that:

Chairs Bought, divided by the square root of the number of legs minus the price of the chair divided by itself (all of which is pointless bollocks as it equates to the original value but sounds fancy) = the number of immigrants coming in to America.

Put simply: Number of chairs bought = immigrants.

So basically, if I stop buying chairs that means there will be no more immigrants?!

Now call me selfish...but I do enjoy buying the odd chair...and I don't think that thousands of foreigners clogging up the education and healths systems and stealing all our jobs justifies denying me the rights to my delightful hobby.

That's why I'm breaking the law. I'm rebelling.


I WILL buy my chairs whether the FBI likes it or not.

I decided to hide my chairs in a secure place for now. I'll show you where it is but don't tell anyone lol.





Yes that's right. They're currently hiding out in Istanbul.

I have it from an unknown yet conveniently reliable source that they'll be safe there but I don't know how long...


I must go now. Don't expect any updates on this story because I've already forgotten what I wrote.


Peace.