So, for those of you who don't know, I started dating a model named Ashley. And, like other models, Ashley is hot. She's athletic. And she's really smart.

Where did I meet Ashley?

Well, it was my birthday, last year. We had just finished a marathon session of Dungeons and Dragons and had decided to crash a party at a friend's house. She was there at this party.

What was the first thing I said to her?

And I quote:
"Hi. You must be Gimpy's girlfriend."

She wasn't. It was my mistake. But this mistake made her want to tussle my hair for the rest of the evening and give me 20 year old scotch she had stolen from her grandmother's basement. It was good. I got drunk and ignored her, and she started disliking me because of it.

See, Ashley is best friends with my best friend's wife (making the trio Ashley, Diana, and Josh). It goes beyond that, though. She sleeps with them. She showers with them. She sometimes lets them eat her out, and sometimes she returns the favor. Yes, my best friend has weekly threesomes with two hot chicks. And I'm about to take it all away.

We worked together this summer at Boy Scout camp. Both Josh and I have been working there since 1999, and she was convinced to come along as well. Diana was supposed to convince Ashley that she was attracted to me still, and Josh was supposed to help her do this, but it didn't work out that way. She ended up really hating me. Oh well, there are more fish in the sea, eh?

Well, then I went to Basic Combat Training, got buff, developed a confidence I was convinced I had always had, and came back to Ashley. She instantly fell for me. Course, I didn't know this at first.

We threw a party at the beginning of the semester, the we being my roommate, Drew, and I. Our other roommate, Phillip, is not included here as no one likes him, us included, though we all pretend to. He never does anything for the parties anyway, and usually sleeps through most of it. Well, Ashley fell asleep in a chair in the living room, and while I had intended to let her crash in my bed and sleep on the couch, I didn't trust myself with moving her sleeping form that far, so instead I carried her to the couch and retrieved a blanket for her. The next morning, she was really grateful, and was apparently, so I'm told, impressed with the way I took out the trash. Go figure.

So this intrigued me. We invited them over again, them being Josh, Diana, and Ashley, for dinner one evening when I made chicken. She was again impressed with the thought I had put into the evening.

The third event which played a part was just this last weekend when we had an anti-Valentine's Day party. Ashley apparently wanted to cuddle with me, and came into my room looking for a place to sleep. I offered her my bed and slept on the couch, not realizing that she was offering herself to me as well. Yeah, sometimes I really am that clueless. The next morning, while I was getting ready for work, brushing my teeth, I turn around and witness the single most sexiest thing I have ever seen in my life. Ashley was slipping her jeans on under this tiny dress she had wore the night before, and I saw a lot of exposed thigh. This might not seem like it would be all that.... well, awesome, but it really was. God, she is beautiful. And man, she's got a great set of legs. Tone. Firm. Smooth. Long. Tan. Leaving my apartment for work that day was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.

I worked eleven hours last Saturday, in the rain, and it was awful. At the end of the day, I decided to crash at Josh's place, which is closer to work than my apartment, mostly because I didn't want to come home and listen to Drew and Phillip be Drew and Phillip. I stopped by the liquor store, spent three bucks on a small bottle of Peppermint Schnapps, and drove to Josh's place. Exiting the car, I downed my alcohol in the yard, walked in, convinced Diana to give me clothes to wear, and took a nice hot shower. By the time I get out, I'm pretty drunk. And Ashley is there. She spends all weekends over at Josh and Diana's. We sit and talk about food and exercise and word origins and all this other stuff before everyone decides to call it a night. I spend a miserable night upstairs in the spare bed room while Josh is cuddled up next to his gorgeous wife, and the beautiful Ashley. The next morning I hear from Diana that Ashley wanted to come up and sleep with me but Josh, in all his wisdom, convinced her not to. *sigh*

Anyway, needing to see her again, on Monday we had a movie night, and I sat real close to Ashley through the whole thing. Afterwards, she accompanied me to work to pick up my paycheck, and then, upon returning to my apartment, I convinced her to read my love fortune in the cards, since she's weird like that and does that sort of thing. Yeah, we're made for each other. I spelled out her name in the cards and she gave me an almost perfect fortune for the two of us, and then she spelled out my name for herself and read an almost perfect fortune for her. Yesterday, I asked her out, and she said yes, originally, then called back twenty minutes later to cancel. Turns out she had a big modeling thing today and she didn't want to eat a big meal and drink too much coffee or some such. Whatever. The date is now scheduled for Monday. Course, I'll see her tomorrow night, and again on Saturday, and again on Sunday before we get to the date, and likely I'll be sleeping with her this weekend if I play my cards right.

Anyway, to make a long story short, which is impossible now, Ashley is totally into me. Diana says she can't stop talking about me. Ashley is a model. A fucking model! And she's into me. She wants to hang out with me. She wants to sleep with ME!

On an aside, Ashley wants to be a pirate. Her dream in life is to one day sail the oceans without a care in the world... and be a pirate. I shit you not.
Sorry, it's late, and I'm really tired so I hope I did an ok job expressing myself coherently.