So the way I'm acting towards my girlfriend reminds me of you sometimes... I'm caring but distant... but to be honest, I want to be able to feel for her like the old me would be able to...
I mean, partially, you know... the old me was a little too clingy, regardless of how unclingy I may be...
I don't know why I'm saying this here. I just feel that there may be some subconscious thing that's preventing me from changing myself back as easily as I'd like...
I didn't want to fall in love... I don't want to fall in love...
But I want to want to fall in love... it maketh no sense. XD
Otherwise, though, don't worry, things are actually, overall, going pretty good. :3
Random Fact: I've done CaramellDansen in public... numerous times.
Another Random Fact: I am now the proud owner of a pair of cat ears.
I'm gonna sleep now. G'night.
Hope stuff ish going well for ya, Simo. :3
Hurr... I guess you saw through my crever ruse on el jay, m i rite? >3
Well, feel free to delete those anonymessages and your replies, if you want. =P
Anyways, I am a slight bit upset that things aren't going as well for you as I'd have hoped... but, well... I know you're okay overall, though (and I'm glad you're still in touch with some people after all ). Plus, I know, for one thing, you and Melissa should sort things out some day or other... that's for sure.
I remember trying to convince you that you weren't destined to be 'the old cat lady', eh-heh, and I still stand by those words.
Anyways... I know this probably won't be read for an awful long time, but... I'm just the kind of person who REPLIES TO FUCKING EVERYTHING, so... ya know... I'm having the last word. xP
A little late, but I've been thinking that it was somewhat necessary to say something on Monday... September 14th.
I think that was the date, wasn't it?
I came to accept the state of things a long time ago, and I would like to make you aware of that.
You are not a current source of pain for me in the slightest any more.
True, sometimes it feels empty when I notice this space you once filled, which no-one else will be able to fill like you did... but it's not a lingering constant feeling... just something that happens a couple times a month when my mind wanders.
I'd just like to say that... you were a part of my life, and you've shaped who I was and therefore shaped who I am today.
Therefore, you will always be an important part of my life, for without you, I wouldn't have grown to be the person I am.
Sure, there was a lot of shit along the way, but I'm somewhat, somehow, a much better person for it.
I'm even trying to date again (would you believe the first girl I got a crush on in University was bisexual? I'm still shocked at my luck, myself, wewt), but at the same time I have no interest in the srs bizniz. I don't want to fall in love... I just want to reach out. How different I've become.
I hope your life is doing well.
I hope your relationship with Melissa is doing fantabulously.
And on that note, if it's not... and the reason is anything to do with guilt... then stop.
Simone, from what I remember, you and Melissa were practically made for each other. Quit worrying over whether your relationship with her is a bad thing because of how I turned out from the equation... because I'm fine now.
On a random note... I saw Rozen Maiden... I love Suigintou. <3
Now anyways, sometimes, on the odd occasion, I might still feel like I could miss you, but don't worry. Just do what you must to be happy.
...I don't know why I'm doing this, but here goes. =_=''
I heard from Ake-chan that you weren't talking to anybody.
It's not just me... I only have the worst of it.
I don't want to say I told you so with all my mentions of 'honesty now, while you can control it, is better than honesty later when it just comes out totally beyond your control to ruin everything' and all those times I told you that you should've taken the chance to disappear for a week or two to get a break from all the DRAMA. Because the thing is, you don't have this quantified view of things like I do, and you're still just a teenager.
Granted, I always thought you were more mature than me, but even 12 year olds are more mature than me... >_>
The Isuzu-chan I knew... she may have been a lie; just a mask worn by someone who didn't know what else to do, who wasn't able to be as forward about everything as they'd wished... but I know a lot about her really was from parts of Simone, the real person.
Since February, I underwent a lot of rapid changes in who I was... drastic changes... to protect myself I formed a shell like no other, but the shell couldn't completely suffocate who I used to be. I've only told Akemi (and I think, Nova - you won't know him, but he 'likes' me a lot, if that helps) this, so far, but now I'll say it.
The person I was is in conflict with the person I am today. I want to hate you with every fibre of my being for what you've done to me, but who I was won't let me go all the way with it. Because not even you are that much of a liar... I did get to meet many aspects of the 'real' Simone over time, and I accepted them all, so how can I suddenly decide that it's all different?
Everything... is over now... it's all done.
There are no cards left to play. It's all on the table.
So, now I can say it...
Now it's entirely up to you whether you play any of your cards, and I'm not going to make any more assumptions about them, either.
Look, to be honest... some day, when we're both calm... we need to get in touch with each other and just... argue.
We both need to let everything out, and each thing each of us says, the other needs to say everything they feel about that and why they either agree with it or think it's wrong or whatever.
We need to let it all out until there's absolutely nothing left to say.
I think it would be healthy for the both of us.
As bitter and hateful as I may be, and as immature and cold-hearted as you may be... but that's the point, really.
Everything that's wrong needs to be let out, so we don't have to deal with it anymore, and we both have some kind of understanding. Whether we reach that understanding maturely or not.