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a beautiful flower in a dying field

Discussion in 'Naruto Fanworks' started by sakura san, Jun 2, 2007.

  1. sakura san

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    -my first naruto fanfiction judge it but judge lightly-




    it was on a sunny day naruto was walking to his class reunion he was wondering what konoha looks like after all the years he was gone,and how all his
    friends looked especially hinata he really wanted to see if she still has the more developing chest out of the girls in his class,when hes arrived there he saw ino and kiba talking and waiting for everybody to show up naruto yelled out as he was walking towards them,"You guys always come fashionably early for some odd reason",ino yelled back,"thats because i get to excited when i wait for a special event so i come early and i have more time to relax when i get home",kiba said "your a bit early to you know and your mocking us","hey naruto"!,said a girl with a really shy voice,"hi hinata",said naruto as he bowed down as a joke to the others hinata blushed her face turned red like a hot pepper..to be continued
     
    Last edited: Jun 2, 2007
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  2. Caitlyn Jenner

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    lol sux BADLY.LOL THE WHOLE FF WAS 2 SENTENCES! LMAO

    ok you have to indent and use " " when a character is speaking.

    but its ok since its your first.
     
  3. ninja_of_death

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    it seems pretty good but you should put quotes in when a charecter's speaking because i kinda got lost there for a second. also it seems a bit short. you should try to be more descriptive, like describe the scenery. other wise it was pretty good. please continue this one i really want to see where this is going to go!
     
  4. sakura san

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    chapter 2

    when it became time for the reunion to start ino was sweating bullets naruto said,"why are you sweating its not like your in a interrogation room or something like that",ino said,"well the hokage always calls the name of a female student and she gives a long and amazing speech about what she learned and etcetera",neji said,"and lemme guess you dont wanna get picked? cause you'll screw up like last year?"naruto,"and you made a fool out of yourself in front of (mocking ino) sasuke-kun"ino,"no its no just that its if sakura sees me mess up while were here then she'll seem more mature and i dont want that".a boy with dark blue hair walked up and he said,"hey losers long time no see,"sasuke its you why did you decide to come after running away and becoming that snake guys student or should i say bit,"watch your mouth naruto thats no way to talk here and you know that",said a girl with really long and beautiful pink hair she continued to say"Konichiwa guys long time since i returned to civilisation after training with tsunade i tell you the forest isnt nice to a young womans skin",she said as she rubbed her smooth arms,naruto said,"whats with the long hair",ino said"and why is it all the way to your lower back?sakura said"why the long hair?....well i use it to cover my large breast what other reasons would i have to grow it so long?",(she said as she remove the hair covering her breast)(sasuke and naruto's noses started to bleed)"oh you poor things let me get that"sakura said as she wiped the blood of there top lips)as night went on the hokage lady tsunade went up on the stage and she said,"Now its time for me to call apon a female student that i think learned the most",ino began to sweat so much that she fainted,"sakura haruno come up and give us your speech",sakura perfectly pulled off the performance and she sounded beautiful and elegant and she nailed the speech,(clapping and cheering)
    -end of chapter 2-
     
    Last edited: Jun 3, 2007
  5. sakura san

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    chapter 3

    as sakura got off the stage her old teacher kakashi hatake grabbed her hand to congratulate her on a great speech he said,"good job sakura looks likes you really turned into a young lady",sakura blushed behind her fan and said,"why thank you i knew you would complement me unlike some people i know",she said as she glared evily at her old friends then sasuke open his mouth to say something but words didnt come out,sakura quickly put her finger on his mouth to hush him up as she said,"or im i so beautiful you have no words left,"ino said with rage in her heart,"come sakura lets dance",as grabbed sakura to dance with her,kakashi said,"but its a slow song you girls have to waltz",But ino didnt care as long as sakura didnt dance with sasuke,ino and sakura were dancing together then as ino was spining sakura she had a wardrobe malfunction her dress ripped as ino stepped on it,ino decide to keep dancing she wanted to make sakura super tired so she started to dance faster,sakura gasp as she said,"my dress is torn my legs are showing wait lets stop dancing",but ino didnt listen she just maded it faster until sakura passed out cause she got dizzy then when she did faint ino stopped,but she was tired as heck when she did,gasping for air,ino ran to get something to drink,naruto and hinata,began to dance same with neji and tenten, temari and shikamaru,kakashi and anko, sasuke picked sakura up and laid her on a couch before he asked ino to dance,ino was tired but she danced with sasuke anyway,it was late and everyone was going home, sakura woke up but no one was there she said,"ugh im so tired looks like i fell asleep from dancing so much with ino",as she said that she looked at her dress it was wrecked the bottom of it was torn up to her knees she sighed as she said,"my mom is gonna kill me for wrecking this dress unless i can get it fixed before i go home maybe i'll tell her i took it to the laundry mat",



    -end of chapter 3-
     
    Last edited: Jun 3, 2007
  6. sakura san

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    begining of chapter one of page two

    The next day naruto woke up and he saw hinata in his bed,"ahhhh!!!" he screamed as he saw her,she woke up and she had a smile on her face she said,"wow that was a fun night with the dancing and the sleep over,"naruto said,"sleep over what sleep and if it was a sleep over wheres everybody?" tenten said,"hey naruto and hinata i made some pancakes and eggs you guys coming to breakfast or not?",naruto said,"sure",as jumped out of bed and ran to the table he saw neji temari shikamaru and rock lee sasuke ino shino gaara kankuruo all the kids he knew,neji said,"wheres sakura did we leave her at the school?",ino said as a joke,"well she wont be late for school",her joke fell on its face before anyone could get what she said,gaara said,"maybe she'll show up later but right now i dont care im hungry",the door slammed open and sakura stomped in anger her eyes with pitch black,she was stronger then she ever was,she grabbed ino by her shirt and hit her against the wall and said,"why did you do that you knew i wanted to dance with kakashi sensi",ino said,"kakashi?! oh im sorry",sakura dropped ino and went to take a shower,"that was odd her eyes were pitch black with anger i've never since i saw sasuke talk about itachi",naruto said before getting elbowed by gaara so he would shut up,the next week came and everybody had a mission to do team 7 had a rank b mission naruto was excited to finally stop training and do a real mission.




    -end of chapter 1-
     
    Last edited: Jun 3, 2007
  7. sakura san

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    -chapter 2-

    "its about time for a mission now i can show off my new powers",sakura said thinking to her self,kakashi said,"our mission is to rescue and protect a researcher so first we need supplies so each of you pack what you need but put pack lighty",as so kakashi finished talking naruto sasuke and sakura to get there things,kakashi said,"there more enthusiast then when they were younger looks like who ever was training them had a hard time..",were back", they all said just as kakashi sat down Kakashi said,"are we a set ok then lets go",as they were walking deeper in the forest kakashi heard the leafs ruffle he knew something or somebody was there but he couldn't tell which so he grabbed a rock and threw it at the tree all of a sudden a ninja jumped out of the tree,kakashi said to himself,"why did he give himself away it must be a trap",kakashi turned his head to naruto sasuke and sakura he saw they were about to be attacked by a group of ninja so he started running towards them,but before he could reach them that same ninja who jumped out the tree got in the way and stabbed kakashi point blank and said,"you were so worried that your little students would get hurt that you forgot that i was still here and they call you a ninja",kakashi fell on his back in twisting pain in his stomach he thought,"how could a kuni do all this damage",then the ninja said,"oh by the way i'm deidara i'm telling you my name so can remember who killed you because my kuni as a non cure able poison in the tip so it kills enemys in a slow but painful way so that means you'll long enough to watch you students die",naruto was fighting a shark looking guy they called kisame while sasuke was fighting itachi sakura was stuck in place she didnt move she was as pale as flour,deidara thought she would be a easy kill so he charged up to her but she didnt move'sakura thought to herself,"why wont i move im trying my hardest but i wont budge ugh its no use i cant protect myself against a akatsuki member",
     
  8. sakura san

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    -chapter 3 end of page 2-

    as deidara was about to attack sakura,kakashi use the last of his strength to push her out of the way and got stabbed instead,sakura said as she was crying,"kakashi nooo!",kakashi fell to his knees the on his back as if he died,sakura said,"You your die for killing kakashi sensi!", she said as she ran up to but she knew she couldnt fight him head on so she had to be wise about her every move she move,or she could die she was thinking about what attack she could make,sakura,"i got it i'll use a shadow clone to get his attention i hope this will work",sakura made hand signs for a replacement shadow clone but before she could finish deidara punched her stomach, which made her cough up blood she started gasping for air but deidara grabbed her neck and start to strangle her,deidara said,"foolish girl you cant possibly think that such childish jutsu would hurt me?",deidara rested his hand on sakura hip,"dont you touch me you freak i know what you do..",deidara hold on sakura's neck grew tighter by the minute,"dont worry beautiful i wont harm your sexy body i will how should i say pleasure myself",he said with a evil grin as he start cut her shirt open,sakura thought,"what the heck should i do i'm about to be raped and no one can help me",then everything went black, when sakura woke up she was in a throne room that looked dark and mysterious sakura said,"were im i",then she heard something from the top of the stairs,"well well my haruno its nice of you to join me",said a woman in the shadows,"who are you and where am i?",said sakura,"im a shadow goddess name yura and this is my kingdom in your inner mind im the reason you have great chakara control im your inner self",she explained,"so what do you need?",yura said,"since your in my mind you should know im about to get killed by a freak in the akatsuki clan",sakura shouted angry,"ok i'll lend my service to you but if your harmed i'll take over i'll kill them all deal",said yura,said agreed then yura charged up a black ball.
     
  9. sakura san

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    -chapter 3 part 2-

    sakura grabbed the spining ball of chakara and then she woke up to see deidara cutting the lace fabric off her shirt,sakura kicked his stomach and flipped backwards,"so you finally decided to put a fight and i thought i could just take you home as my trophy",deidara said as he pulled out kuni,"dont get to cocky we haven't even started to fight",as sakura said her eyes turn black with a green circle then she pulled out a blade that two other blades attached to it,sakura wrapped the pink ribbon on her arm then she shouted,"nishigami no justu three headed dragon sword!",she dug her sword into the ground and where deidara was standing two dragon heads came out of the ground and bit deidara's arm and released a venom into his system,"ugh!",deidara shouted as the pain grew worst,then he thought,"wait wheres the third head",then he saw sakura jumping toward him about kill him,she said,"Its time for you to die",but before she could finish him of itachi came and threw kuni at her,sakura thought, "dammit he's to fast for me to use nishigami no jutsu",sakura dodged the attack but as she was jump back she heard yura's voice,"let me handle this sakura",as soon as yura finished talking sakura's body started falling to the forest floor,"well time to finish this",itachi said,he jumped down,sakura's body started to glow green as if she had so much chakara she could'nt contain it all then sakura landed on a tree and said,"So yoou decided to stop fighting sasuke just to fight me well i'm honored to fight the famous murderer itachi looks like this will be interesting",she removed her shirt she grinned ,itachi was wonder why she was grining,he then grabbed her arm and put a kuni to her neck the he whispered to her,"you do have a sexy body i might as well rape you",sakura repiled,"so you didn't decide to sugar coat it like your little friend well i dont think can rape a shadow clone",as soon as shadow clone sakura finished talking the real sakura came out no where she, stabbed itachi arm
     
    Last edited: Jun 3, 2007
  10. sakura san

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    well im stoping this ff for a little while to work on my grammer
     
  11. sakura san

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    -chapter 1 page 3-

    as sakura stabbed itachi's arm she heard naruto yell,"sakura don't do it get out of here while ca..",naruto was kicked in his stomach by sasuke,sakura saw it but she didnt want to believe sasuke is a trader because she still loves him,sakura began to cry,"sasuke why are you doing this",she said forgeting about itachi,sakura fell on her knees in shock,tears running down her face,she just wanted to make it go away,"you let your guard down",itachi said as he punched so hard all the force in the punch made sakura hit a tree near them,sakura sat up as she saw itachi running up to her,she quick dashed out the way but itachi grabbed her foot,"your power could be of use but looks like you rather die",itachi said as he threw her on the tree branch,sasuke came up on the tree and said"itach don't kill this one she way different then the rest",itachi sighed then he knocked out,sakura woke up in then throne room were she saw yura siting down with a smile on her face,"so your really suck at fighting dont you",yura said in a disappointed tone,"i could bare seeing naruto getting hurt and sasuke trading us",sakura started to cry again,"sakura you do know this is the second time he traded you and naruto's been beaten up about ten thousand times already",yura was trying to cheer sakura up but sakura started to cry even more,"yura thats my point its like i'm the reason this is happening",yura stared at sakura and sighed well get out of this dont worry",sakura slighty cheered up,sakura woke up in a hospital bed,and in the room she saw deidara and naruto,"w-where am i and why is that pervert in here?"sakura said as she was freaking out,

    -end of chapter4
     
  12. sakura san

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    -chapter 2-

    Sakura was looking around the hospital room for an escape route,then she heard some one come to the door,sakura jumped back in bed,when the door opened she saw someone carrying kakashi,she bit her lip as the person sat kakashi down and left,"i need to get out of here but what naruto and kakashi i cant leave them?",she said puzzled,sakura started to scratch her neck when she notice she was wearing collar,"dammit even if i escape they this collar on me",sakura got out of bed and put her shoes on,she hid and few kuni thinking she might be attacked,sakura opened the door slowly so no one would hear it,but as soon as she stepped out the hospital room she heard a high pitched beeping,"ugh!",she screamed as her ears were popping,she fell to her knees in pain,the beeping stopped,but when it did sasuke showed up in akatsuki coat,"so you didnt notice the collar?",he said glaring at her,he saw her eyes with tearing up,then without warning she hugged him,which made him think,"why is she hugging me wasnt i about to kill her earlier",then she said,"sasuke i know what you did was wrong but for some reason i still love you",sasuke sighed and walked away,sakura wiped her eyes,then she began to examinant her collar,then sakura sit in bed looking at the wall,"ahem sakura follow me",itachi said signalling her to follow,sakura got out of bed and followed him to a bathroom,"take a bath and meet me in the lunchroom",
     
  13. Chihiro_Uchiha

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  14. sakura san

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    -chapter 3-

    sakura was sitting in the bath, then she thought, "wait a minute he said i stink!",she was splashing in the bath angrily, "ugh! whats i girl have to do to get some privatise around here but then again i shouldnt be here in the first place", she thought as the door opened,it was a plant looking guy he said smiling, "it seems we have a new recruit hi im zetsu",sakura stared at him confused,she didnt wanna rain on his parade,so she waved and smiled back,zetsu quickly got serious and said, "its time for you to get out now its all most lunch time"






    -i'll finish later cause im suffering from a bad case of food poisoning- :faint
     
  15. Vance

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    Wow....Wow....Where is the fanfiction?
     
  16. Dogma

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    (When juding it very lightly...)

    It's really not all that bad, I suppose.

    The length of the chapters, lack of punctuation (other then alot of comma's), capitilization, and spacing. Are among a few things you should look into.

    As far as the plot goes... I guess it's not all that bad either.
     
  17. Vance

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    Fanfiction is not supposed to make your eyes bleed.


    lol, I didn't even read it, it's too sloppy.
     
  18. Chihiro_Uchiha

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  19. sakura san

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    .... i dunno if i should laugh or cry...but thanks i think i know what can fix..hi hyuga
     
  20. Chihiro_Uchiha

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  21. sakura san

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    vance is pure evil!
     
  22. sakura san

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    Im making A THREAD in fanart come to it,its called super club!
     
  23. Chihiro_Uchiha

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  24. Sho Minamimoto

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    I won't say that it's bad nor will I say that it's good. However, I will say that this has gotten my attention (which is rather hard to do).
     
  25. Chihiro_Uchiha

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    Good, Sakura San when is the next chapter coming?
     
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