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Behind the Scenes: Naruto, The Beginning

Discussion in 'House of Uzumaki Archives' started by Sento, Oct 15, 2005.

  1. Sento The will of fire.

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    Warning the following contains explicit content it if your are offended by cursing and stuff than I suggest you stop reading here. This is all a joke and should be taken lightly.


    If you?re still offended after I said this then you?re a retard.


    Naruto sits in a chair wearing bling and orange glasses with a purple hat with a feather in it.
    Naruto: At first the show was originally supposed to be about Sasuke but the producers realized that nobody was really going to go for a moody bastard who has a sick obsession with his older brother. Then the writers came up with the brilliant idea of making a show about a girl ninja. Unfortunately, every single girl who tried out at the audition was fucked up in some way.

    Auditions:
    Director: Ok Ino show us what you can do
    Ino: *exposes breasts*
    Director: Ok, you?re on the show!:smile-big

    Director: In this scene, you are being attacked by ninjas lets see how well you can act scared.
    Director: Ok Take 1 Scene 1 Action!
    Sakura: *orgasm sound* Oh god!
    Director: ?What the fuck.:blink

    Naruto: After that queerfest they decided that the show desperately needed an awesome male character and of course after the second round of auditions they realized that man was me.

    Director: We really hated Naruto he was the worst ninja ever. He could not even produce one fucking bunshin during the auditions. But compared to Shikamaru and Chouji we really had only one option? beg Sasuke to come back. But we ended up talking to his roommate and he basically said that Sasuke wasn?t interested anymore in the show. We notice that he was wearing Sasuke?s shirt?.so we went with Naruto.

    Naruto: The producers felt like I was the best choice but that I needed to have something special about me so they came up with the idea of sticking a powerful demon in me. I can?t believe they didn?t find me special I mean how many people can turn into a women anytime they feel like it?

    Yondaime: The producers hired me to find the demon and stick it in the main character. I did it and it nearly fucking killed me, and the bastards only stuck me in for 2 seconds in the begging of the first episode. Can you believe this shit! They said might use me later on as some type of plot twist I mean what the fuck. Those cocksuckers just cut me off and?

    Director: The pilot episode kept being delayed because there were some problems with Naruto it seemed to be mood swings.

    Naruto: *walks into the studio wearing gimp suit* ?Sucky-Sucky five dollar.?

    Director: We didn?t even ask about the long nails or the whiskers coming out of his face in fact it went better with his character. We managed to get Sasuke back by promising him we would allow him the chance to kill his brother.

    Sasuke: I decided to do the show after I found out that my older brother got a part. I hate him so much he used to pick on me because I played with Barbie dolls. I mean what?s wrong with that?

    Director: Well we had the basic characters for the show except we still needed a teacher for Naruto?s team. We decided to go with the ninja supermodel Hataki Kakashi.

    Kakashi: I made the mistake of coming to the rehearsals without my face covered. I was mobbed by all the girls present. I had to use my genjutsu to make them go to sleep and forget what I looked like. Afterwards the producers felt that it would be a good idea for me to wear a mask during rehearsals.

    Director: Well now we had to come up with the team dynamic the only problem was that the writers wanted a love triangle between the characters on team 7.

    Naruto: Sakura is a crazy bitch, why the hell would I like her. The director got the idea of ?Inner Sakura? because it seems like she had two different personalities. During the show she acted nice but don?t be fooled afterwards she was a huge bitch. It seem to me she was on her period 24/7. I was afraid she would start hurling tampons at us.

    Director: Well after all these fucktards had been assembled we began directing the pilot episode. Well originally I just smoked but after the pilot episode I knew I needed something stronger. So during the breaks I would go to back room and smoke a joint. On the bright side I seriously doubt the show would last more than a season. Hopefully?..
     
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  2. Coolboydude New Member

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  3. SeruraRenge Reaching infinite

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    Funny...but something tells me that ppl won't take you as seriously cuz of yur low post count (it's not yur fault.....well, it kinda is for not posting)
     
  4. Sento The will of fire.

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    Yeah I suppose your right about that.
     
  5. XShinobi~ANBUX ANBU Hatake Kakashi

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    Wow, that's a lot of work, pretty funny stuff.
     
  6. Darko Ero-sennin writes good books

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    heh, kinda funny had some good parts like

     
  7. Master Scorpion UG's High Priest

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  8. lwong81 Member

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    are these people acting the characters? or are they real ninjas?
     
  9. Sento The will of fire.

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    They are real ninjas that are playing the characters of the show.
     
  10. Vbnail New Member

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    That gave me a good laugh. Very creative, reps for you.
     
  11. Woozie Active Member

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    Haha, that was the best "fanfic" I have ever read.
     
  12. Nintai The Dark Side

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    lol good Sh*t that was pretty funny. I liked Kakashi's part, and the part about Sasuke playing with barbie dolls "I finally have proof!"
     
  13. Mizura Meh

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    Heheheh. You need to add a few more parts though. How did the others get hired? Ahem:

    Neji himself was a supermodel. Not to mention he had great hair. So he seemed to fit the "angsty bishie" role pretty well. However, he refused the part at first. That's when the producers found out that he liked to bully his cousin Hinata. But what about Hinata?

    Producer to Neji: If you accept this role, you'll get to push around your cousin in the story.

    Neji: Hmm...

    Producer to Hinata: If you accept this role, you get to lord over Neji (so to say) by being in a better social position.

    Neji and Hinata: Deal!

    Of course Neji found out too late about Hinata's part of the deal, and was understandably sour about it. It just made him fit into his role (@#&*(@# damn priviledges) that much better. *shrugs*
     
  14. KLoWn Time is money, friend!

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    lol this shit was funny :rofl
    -Reps-
     
  15. Yggdr?sill Hero Of The Half-Elves

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  16. Yggdr?sill Hero Of The Half-Elves

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    i can just picture all of them doing that...
     
  17. Sento The will of fire.

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    Behind The Scenes: Naruto Post Season 1

    Thanks for the reps everyone glad you enjoyed it. Here is my second part of Behind the Scenes.

    Naruto: After the 3rd episode we noticed the director was getting very depressed. He kept saying Cut! Would someone please cut my fucking wrists! Cut!

    Director: It was nothing personal just that between Kishimito hitting on me and the fact that everyone was fucking up their lines because of personal issues?

    Take 1 Action!
    Sakura: Naruto you perv!
    Naruto: Well you did it for Shikamaru in the trailer yesterday!
    Sakura: How did you find out!?
    Naruto: Sasuke was blowing me out front and I noticed that your windows were open.
    Sasuke: Naruto that was our secret!
    Naruto: Oh god I?m not in the mood now for your hissy fits.
    Kakashi: Why do I bother reading Come-Come paradise these pricks are worse than a porno-flick.
    Kakashi Groupie 1: Kakashi take me now.
    Kakashi: Damn bitch I thought I left you tied in the trailer.
    Kishimito: Director I was just wondering if we go out later and talk about ideas for the show such as more yaoi.
    Director: I hate my life?.

    Hinata: Well at first Naruto would tell me to go fuck myself?so I had to do something drastic to get his attention.

    Hinata: (shyly) Naruto I have something to tell you *whisper whisper*
    Naruto: How many bunshins!!?!

    Shikamaru: I was getting tired of these troublesome fools and the fact that I was getting paid less then most of charcters on the show including Yodanime who was on the show all of 3 seconds?.So I decided to sell the porn footage I got of Naruto and Hinata to Spice Channel. I got a lot money off that shit kukukukkukkuku.

    Director: Well after Shikamaru left we had to improvise so we decided to use Haku from Season 1 to do the parts. Unfortunately we were as of yet unsure whether he was a guy or a girl?

    Zabuza Momochi: Haku is a girl I mean I?ve never seen anybody take it like she does?not that I would ever do anything to a minor. *cough cough* I was glad however to get a part in Naruto after being fired off of Teletubbies for killing the purple one. Jesus Christ that thing was so annoying?

    Director: I found out that the studio wanted me to continue production for the show. After promising them I would suck their dicks for Teletubbies just to get away from these fucktards those sadistic bastards kept me on. So I just had to make sure that the show would go to pot so the pain would end.

    Episode 25
    Ok, Action!
    Sakura: (annoying voice) Sasuke-kuuuuuuuuuuuun.
    Sasuke: Shutup! I?m trying to be moody and cool.
    Kakashi: Hey, have either of you seen Naruto this morning?
    *pimp song*
    Sakura:::amazed
    Sasuke::amazed
    Naruto: *deep black voice wearing pimp clothes* ?Ohh sister?s got a nice bootay.?
    Sasuke: It?s the Nine-Tail?s chakra hurry Kakashi seal it now!
    Kakashi:?damn kids

    Director: No one fucking noticed. What is wrong with you people!? What the hell is the matter with you!? What tha fuck! *smashes chair, runs off screen screaming, sounds of struggle*

    Cut Scene:
    Naruto: Hey ?Shikamaru? are you into bondage action?
    Haku: I?m a guy, dumbass?
    Naruto: Yeah right I knew that, so you want to have sex.
    Haku: Hell no you fag!
    Director: Look Haku please follow the script.
    Haku: Damn Kishimito and his love for yaoi.

    Episode 26
    Action1
    Kakshi: Guess what guys I just invented a new jutsu. Guys are you listening to me?
    Sasuke: (to himself) I wonder if Naruto thinks I look fat in these pants.
    Naruto: (to himself) Man I wonder whats under that mask. Mask that?s a funny word it has ask in it man I am so high. God I am so hungry I need ramen. Hmm ramen drools?
    Sakura: Man Sasuke looking so fine I wonder if he notices my new tight pants that makes my ass look fine.
    Kakshi: (to himself) Damn kids they use to be cute but now they are obsessed with other stuff?Hmm I wonder if I could copy Naruto?s stamina then maybe I can fuck longer than 5 minutes.

    Cut Scene End

    Director: There I?m better now my coke must have gone bad. Anyways the new shows actually got better ratings than the original ones. The corporation decided to extend this show past season 2. Hey do any of you want a freebie? I need some money for my fix.

    This show was brought to you by the new movie Bunshin Rape. When you want hot under aged action with lots of bunshin gang banging this is the movie for you. Brought to you by Shikimaru Pictures.
     
  18. Fayt Supersonic

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    wow....... just wow....... All in all funy shit though.
     
  19. Heldensheld Chunnin

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    <Outside the studio>

    Naruto: (Takes a cigarette out of his pocket) I need a fucken smoke.
    Hinata: It's not good for you, Naruto-kun.
    Naruto: YOu're right, shut up and fuck.



    Ha ha ha...
     
  20. Sawako

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    Tsunade: I'm here to audition for--
    Director: :nosebleed You're in!
     
  21. KLoWn Time is money, friend!

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    lol this one was the best :rofl
     
  22. XShinobi~ANBUX ANBU Hatake Kakashi

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    Nice stuff Sento, I like it.
     
  23. Christen Itachi's trouble

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    Great. ^^ rep for you.
     
  24. deathblaze Alchemy Save the Queen!

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  25. Mario is Fat ミッチ

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    XD XD, that is so awesome *reps* Do you just spontaneously make it up?
     
  26. Baby Raptor Disciple of Jiriaya-sama!

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    keep it up i am lousy storyteller but i will forward to see more story about behind of Naruto shows
     
  27. Sento The will of fire.

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    Behind the Scenes of Naruto: Post Season 2

    Thanks for the people who are reping.

    Director: I really couldn?t take much more of the fucktards. I mean even ecstacy laden prozac couldn?t deprive me of the constant depression of?

    Gai: Well looks like your team members actually made it eh Kakashi.
    Kakashi: Yea
    Director: Cut! Listen do you guys wake up in the morning, call each other, Hou you doin Gai, alrite you, ok so how are we gonna fuck up the director?s day. Oh how about we fuck up the lines all day and then laugh at the vein in my forehead, GOD DAMMIT!

    Kishimoto: After half way through Season 2 the director had to be taken away to a drug rehab center. The studio heads wanted to continue with the show, I told them that I would take my business elsewhere if they did. No one is taking away my directorpoo.

    Sakura: We had a lot of free time while the director was gone and I really wanted to spend time with Sasuke?that is until I saw him underneath Lee in his trailer and they were doing horrible things to small woodland creatures.

    Gai: That?s my Lee always taking control of the situation. Hey Kakashi remember that time?
    Kakashi: Listen! I was drunk and I couldn?t see straight out of my bloodshot left eye, we promised each other that it Never Happened kay.
    Gai: But, sugar lumps
    Kakashi: NOOO

    Sakura: I decided afterwards that if I wanted to have a chance of ever having a decent night of sex I was going to have to find someone else?and the choices were pretty low; I mean Shikamaru couldn?t last for 3 seconds in the sack, Chouji was a fat ass, Neji was like had a sick obsesseion with his cousin, Garaa was a crazy as fuck, and of course Kakashi and Yondaime wanted me?pervs?

    Kakshi and Yondaime (chibi forms): We do not!!

    Sakura:?but I was underaged so of course the only one I could get was Naruto.

    Naruto: I knew she wanted me from the start. I mean I am awesome after all and hell I?m not going to turn down a piece of ass so I said yes. The only problem was telling Hinata?

    Naruto: (inside trailer) Hinata, there?s something I need to tell you about Sakura and me?
    (outside trailer) *OH SHIT!!!!!* *sounds of blood gushing and organs being removed*
    Naruto: Let?s just say thank god that I can heal myself quickly and have enough stamina to take the beatings.

    Hinata: I?m going to make Naruto wish he stayed with me kukukuku.

    Director: After I got back from rehab the studio execs said that I would have to pay for all the months that the project was behind out of my own pockets. I told them that I shouldn?t pay since they were the ones who put me in that mad house in the first place. They said they didn?t care?They had to pay so I hired a guy to give me the 8-tailed demon and seal it inside of me and then, oh it makes me laugh like a giddy school girl.

    Cut Scene:
    Reporter: This is the channel 6 news report today local studio Kimmimoto was annihilated by what reports were saying a man who had his hands bathed in blood, laughing maniacally and apparently had 8-tails growing out of him. He then, according to bystanders on the streets, began unleashing a mass of energy that resulted in what looked like a small nuclear explosion and then escaped in the blast. The police chief wouldn?t make a statement but said the matter will not be pursued since this was a ninja matter. However, since the Ninja police the Uchiha were wiped out 12 years ago the matter seems to be unresolved.

    Director: Unfortunately, another studio picked up the project and now we had to complete the season. They decided to pay me well after they saw what I did to the last fuckheads though HAHAHAHA. That still didn?t change the fact that I still had to suffer through those morons. Though the first day back there was a weird change of pace?

    Hinata: *Walks in wearing leather straps over her body and holding a whip* Well lets get going.
    Director::amazed
    Kakashi::amazed
    Naruto::amazed
    Ino: :smile-big
    (yes, she is a lesbian)

    Behind the Scene Secrets Revealed:
    Garaa: I?m actually an optimist who gets at least 9 hours of sleep a night.
    Naruto: My Kyubi doesn?t just increase my stamina and heal me it also increases my sex drive. In fact I basically start screwing anything that doesn?t move every 4 seconds.

    Cut Scene:
    Naruto: *humps tripod leg*
    Stage Assistant: *sigh, starts squirting Naruto* Bad dog, bad dog!
    Naruto: *whimper*
    -End-

    Kiba: I?m really more of a cat person.
    Kankuro: Can?t sleep, clowns will eat me. Can?t sleep, clowns will eat me. (repeats it over and over in a fetal position)
    Sasuke: When my brother flashed me with the Magekyo Shaningrain I was actually being mind fucked by him not watching my parents die over and over again. That?s why I really wanted to fight him.
    Sakura: I?ve had 5 sexual partners since the show started? only 3 of them were guys.
    Kabuto: I?m only with Orochimaru because he promised me that he would teach me how to make my tounge as long as his.

    -End-

    Director: Well after the season ended I could safely say that I actually missed the assholes and that I was glad to be back. Banging Anko from sunup to sunset on days off didn?t hurt either?

    Kishimito: Hey Director cutie pie glad to see your back. Watcha this- a- trick. ::His dick begins to grow to a huge size:: See asians having small dicks is just bunch phooey.:)

    Director: Ah shit I spoke to soon. Damn I hate my life...
     
  28. Coolboydude New Member

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  29. Id The Demon of Elru

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    Dude are your high or is that just your natural high.

    Anyhow funny stuff.

    Reps.
     
  30. RyuusaBakuryu_Gaara Ryuusa Bakuryu!

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    lol, that's pretty funny.

    good job :D
     
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