1. The first My Hero Academia Banner Contest is here! We are pleased to invite you to participate.

    Dismiss Notice
  2. Hello Guest,

    Voting for the first Konoha Country Club Poetry Competition is live!

    Please check out the Entries here.

    Place your votes in the 1st Choice Vote thread here and the 2nd Choice Vote thread here.

    -- NarutoForums Staff

    Dismiss Notice
  3. Welcome to the forums! Take a second to look at our Beginner's Guide. It contains the information necessary for you to have an easier experience here.

    Thanks and have fun. -NF staff
    Dismiss Notice
  4. Stop Scrolling!
    Attention - When discussing new chapters of an anime or manga, please use a source from the official list of approved sources. If you would like to contribute to the list, please do so in the suggestions section.
    Dismiss Notice
  5. If you write blogs about the current anime season (for linking) or like to add descriptions / impressions on certain series and like to add them to our wiki, then send us a ticket.
    Dismiss Notice

  6. Give NF the love she deserves! Join the NF-chan drawing contest and draw NF as NF-chan now!
    Earn some prizes... and maybe hugs and kisses from the forum herself?!
    CLICK HERE
    Dismiss Notice
  7. [​IMG]

    House of Uzumaki has a new banner contest! Please, check here for details and place your vote.

    Dismiss Notice

(BLEACH FANFIC) Kuro-Musha

Discussion in 'Fanfiction' started by Serp, May 28, 2007.

  1. Serp Prince Mod Targaryen

    Messages:
    18,712
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    36
    Joined:
    Jul 26, 2005
    Reputation:
    (BLEACH FANFIC) Kuro-Musha-in progress

    Ok this is one of my first fanfics so please bare with me
    i used my own chars as a way of not messing up all current chars

    I Do not own Bleach :amazed
    Kuro-Musha(black warriors)

    Chars
    • Dwayne- Hyper active leader of the group
    • Hamid- Equally hyper smart guy
    • Terry- The big muscle guy
    • Diran- The kind one of the group
    Spoiler: summary, click if u want
    Well 4 kids become have to go to SS to save ichigo from an Arrancar who hopes to create a new breed of creature Via the use of the Hollow Zanpaktou "Zangetsu"
     
    Last edited: May 30, 2007
    Tags:
  2. Shirozaki d a r k a b y s s

    Messages:
    3,524
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    36
    Joined:
    Aug 1, 2006
    Reputation:
    I think the pace is too fast. I also don't like the idea that you made your own characters - not that I have anything against it. It just doesn't feel right for me, IMO.

    Hmm... you lack punctuations and paragraph spaces - it looks like you wrote it in a hurry. And PLEASE, don't you ever, ever use shortcuts -.- It's a turn off for the readers on the most part.

    Use correct capitalizations as well, like "I" and etc. Well, use all the correct english syntax making.
     
  3. Serp Prince Mod Targaryen

    Messages:
    18,712
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    36
    Joined:
    Jul 26, 2005
    Reputation:
Loading...