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(BLEACH FANFIC) Kuro-Musha

Discussion in 'Fanfiction' started by Serp, May 28, 2007.

  1. Serp Prince Mod Targaryen

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    (BLEACH FANFIC) Kuro-Musha-in progress

    Ok this is one of my first fanfics so please bare with me
    i used my own chars as a way of not messing up all current chars

    I Do not own Bleach :amazed
    Kuro-Musha(black warriors)

    Chars
    • Dwayne- Hyper active leader of the group
    • Hamid- Equally hyper smart guy
    • Terry- The big muscle guy
    • Diran- The kind one of the group
    Spoiler: summary, click if u want
    Well 4 kids become have to go to SS to save ichigo from an Arrancar who hopes to create a new breed of creature Via the use of the Hollow Zanpaktou "Zangetsu"
     
    Last edited: May 30, 2007
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  2. Shirozaki d a r k a b y s s

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    I think the pace is too fast. I also don't like the idea that you made your own characters - not that I have anything against it. It just doesn't feel right for me, IMO.

    Hmm... you lack punctuations and paragraph spaces - it looks like you wrote it in a hurry. And PLEASE, don't you ever, ever use shortcuts -.- It's a turn off for the readers on the most part.

    Use correct capitalizations as well, like "I" and etc. Well, use all the correct english syntax making.
     
  3. Serp Prince Mod Targaryen

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