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Death of a friend

Discussion in 'The NF Café' started by Iijyanaika, Dec 7, 2005.

  1. Iijyanaika

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    I remember seeing a thread exactly the same, now unfortunately it's my turn. A dear friend of mine going back to elementary school was killed in a car accident, at an intersection that has had over 90 accidents.

    I was told earlier today of the news, and it's heartbreaking. It completely took me off guard. And to add to the torment, i find out, she was killed on my birthday, December 05, 2005.

    i'm pissed though because the news reporters didn't even give out their condolences, and the whole thing was about the damn intersection, with like a few seconds mention of my friend. *sigh*



    so to all of those who have lost someone dear to them, my heart goes out to you.

    Tiffany Jessica Baltes(Ambrose) 1983-2005
     
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  2. Knight of Fate

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    Brace yourself. Don't be sad, your friend won't be happy to see you sad, I'm sure she will rest in peace and be happy up there:smile-big .
     
  3. FFLN

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    I feel for you man. It's better that she's remembered by you and loved ones, rather than a news reporter. You have my condolences.
     
  4. meekozy

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    I feel bad for you, and I feel your pain, the same thing happened to me, my friend got blood cancer last year and two months ago he just........ it's really sad, I locked myself in my room for 5 days and came out just to go to his funeral
     
  5. Sakura

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    please dont feel sad about it. im empathizing with you. anyway, just think about other happier things or write it all on a piece of paper and rip it up and throw it out the window. i dunno. just do things that might make urself feel better and dont feel bad that ur frend died becuz life can still go on for you
     
  6. bozic

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    All we can do is to remember our friends in our hearts and get going forward and that is one way to honer our dead friends and family.....

    PS. sorry about what happen to your friend
     
  7. Isuzu Sohma

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    Hmm... I just read this, I am really sorry that happend to your friend. Knowing someone that is close to you and happens to die in a wrong time, seems really depressing. I have friends that died, even on the worst time. I have a friend, she lives across the street from me, she was moving to New York, guess what. She was in the plane durring the terrorist, and I was depressed until January. It haunts me, knowing someone close and you know... dies in a tragic way. I got over it and I pray for her, everyday.

    Just stay pretty strong and always remeber she's in a better place. No need to really feel bad...
     
  8. waster

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    it is the part of life man
     
  9. Master Scorpion

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    I am so sad hearing that news, I hope now she's in heaven with God!
    Don't be sad I know how is feel when we lost an important person.
     
  10. Iijyanaika

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    thank you for the kind words. tonight we're getting together as a type of memorial, because there isn't going to be a viewing or a funeral.

    i hope you all have a safe and happy holidays, take care
     
  11. Gunners

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    My condonlances, it is upseting simular things has happened before.
     
  12. rimpelcut

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    R.I.P tiffany

    for your spirit:
    The reason you were affected was because he is your friend. But now you sympathize with him. First you got pain because you tought of what he meant to you, whitch is the sum of all happy memorys. realizing that he is gone that happyness turns into pain because you think those happyness is forever gone. thinking that you cannot be happy anymore is the worst pain, fear, depresion, crazyness. you will want to give up and then you will accept that you will never be happy anymore. when you think your happy and this will go on forever, you are also very happy. often this is not noticed because happyness is often accompanied with that thought and when the thing that made you happy is gone you become normal again. when something good has happened to you, for example you got a job finally, you can have that happyness for several months until you forget the at that time "importance" of that event. you are over the happyness. The same can be said about sadness. time heals all wounds.
    Now you don't have to realize this to be helped.
    What I want you to do is some self therapy.
    Don't think of what he means to you, what you used to do. A memory is fine but don't get cought up with it because you will go back into a depression.
    think about that: he did what he did and you did not know, you couldn't have known and even if there where hints you did not know how to descifer them.
    this will let go the blame you give yourself whitch is fed by your sadness. your sad so you try many ways to get rid of that, seeing it as a stone put appon you, not realizing it is created by your memorys and by your own clinging to it. Let me tell you that someone that has a good understand about emotions like a buddhist or any other person, whitch we call a strong minded person, doesn't have grief for long, it just fades away. there grief is like I said from memorys. When they faid away the memorys faid away, this could make you think like he is not important, I am forgetting him etc. But those memorys won't ever go away! you will have those good memorys of him forever in your life. The only thing that is going away is your attachment to pleasure. pleasure of those memory. The pleasure of those memorys will also be forever, every time you think of the adventures you had with your friend you will laugh.
    when someone dies you don't want them to go, but in time you come to your senses and think it happened and that is that, you let go.
    This "not letting go" carries itself to the attachment to the pleasure of memorys and the memorys itself. Later you think of his death, this gives sandness and fearr and anxiety because you think in the line of, All these memory all this happyness is going away and you try with all your might to keep it, you get scared and anxieus, later when you accpet he is dead it leaves you with utter sadness.
    So now that you are in this state already I would say stop clinging to the emotion sadness, then you will get memorys of him, you will start thinking of things before death and the death itself. You are going back into the visious cicle. So when you get a memory just think of that event and afterwards anelyze it, it was a happy memory or if you thought of the event when he died anelyze it: he died, he killed himself. Then you will probable go into the thinking of what he meant to you: just realize this: I liked him, he is dead now. The memory will start going away that you had gotten and this will make you wanna take it back as if you are not finished with him, he is still important, don't go away friend: realize that it was just a memory, you will get another. After this you will become normal and you will after a few moments you will get the tendancy to go back, to memory or feeling. But you don't get a memory you don't get a feeling. now you must look at that tendancy and you will see that you are creating a feeling in your body. It could be in your head, it could be in your stomach. This feeling reminds you of stress or muscle contraction or the feeling of tissue. now you must release that. just keep observing it with the will to relax. soon you will find the way in witch the muscles have to move to relax. Once you have relaxed you might again get that "tendancy", repeat the procedure. After time you will realize the blinded haste in whitch you react to different emotions, feelings and thoughts. You won't do this anymore and the only thing left will be smoothness and calm. Now you can remember your experiences with your friend and appreciate him to the full. You won't be sad about him leaving, you will be compassionate with him and hope him a wonderfull life in the future. His essence, the person that I knew, has now been spread around the world or lifes in another world if you will.
     
  13. Heldensheld

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  14. yummysasuke

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    I'm so sorry to hear this. But don't be sad about it, because your friend wouldn't like that. It's just part of the sick cycle called life. :amuse Nah, just kidding. Things like this will happen, to everyone, if not sooner, than later.
     
  15. Jordy

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    My condolances. And I wish her parents, family and friends all the strength they need to go through this loss.
     
  16. batz

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    I am so sorry for you. Stay strong and be patient.
     
  17. ChakraBomb

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    God, that's awful...especially the bit about the news reporters...my sister died of meningitis, but for some strange reason, I don't feel sad.....you have my condolences.

    There is hope though. 'Tis my belief that no-one can truly 'die'. They just come back as someone/thing else, like a blade of grass, or a tree, or a dog.
     
  18. Chamcham Trigger

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    I'm sorry to hear this Iijyanaika. I really hope for the best for you and your friend's family. It really pains me when I hear things like this. Especially due to the bad conditions of many roads in this country. People try to petition to fix the security and safety of these roads, and nothing is ever done about it. I wish I had words to help with the situation.
     
  19. John Fuuma

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    Recently, a bunch of kids from a highschool in my area wreced their car. The driver was the only one who lived. One of the people in my church knew all of those kids. I felt sorry for him and my heart goes out to him and you.

    I'll pray for you
     
  20. Lien

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    My condolences to your friend's family.

    You're fortunate it's only one person you've lost who's close to you.
     
  21. hitori78

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    sorry to hear of your loss, a friend of mine lost a friend in a similar way only it was a old lady that cut him off after 2 strokes from injuries he finally died. It kinda makes me angry after reading the you link on their story that they would only consider making a change at that intersection if big business moves in, you would think they would just change it to save lives....
    Hang in there bro...
     
  22. Hinata-sama

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    News Reporters nowadays......:sad But don't be sad, well, of course crying a bit won't hurt but just don't do anything silly.
     
  23. neko-sennin

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    I'm very sad to hear about your friend. I won't tell you the pain ever completely goes away, but it does become easier to live with in time. It will hit you at odd moments, even years later. The best advice I can offer at times like that is to think on the good times. Take as much time as you need, but remember that you must eventually get back up and move on with your life. This happens to everyone who lives long enough to outlive someone precious to them, but that doesn't make it any easier.

    It sucks that the news is to impersonal. That your friend's death was apparently just another assignment. The only thing more tragic than people who can stand around talking about death and destruction without shedding a single tear is that it's doubtful anyone will do anything about that killer intersection, either. That all of these people keep dying, and nothing is ever done about it.

     
  24. darthvader101

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    I'm so sorry for you.I hope you'll feel good soon.This remines me of the time my pet gerbel,Otto died.:sad :sad
     
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