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Advice Do you Need some Relationship Advice?

Discussion in 'Konoha Country Club' started by baconbits, Nov 4, 2014.

  1. DemonDragonJ Then I Kissed Her

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    With Lady J's birthday approaching, I imagine that everyone here will be pleased to learn that I made her a custom card to send to her, rather than purchasing a card from a store, which I am sending to her because she will be working on her birthday and she is not yet certain about when she will be available for me to treat her to dinner for her birthday.

    Also, on the subject of Lady J, when she arrived at my house this past Sunday for Easter dinner with my family, I was wearing casual blue denim pants, but she said that she thought that I should be wearing something more formal, as the dinner was a buffet at a local and fairly fancy hotel, so I changed into a more formal pair of pants. What does everyone else say about that? Is it good that I took Lady J's opinion into consideration? Did I let her control me in that instance?

    On a completely different subject, a friend whom I have known for thirteen years recently told me that he is getting married, but the manner in which he did so bothers me. I asked that friend when he would next be available to hang out, and he said that he is not certain, as he currently is busy with wedding planning; I asked whose wedding he was attending, and he responded that it was his own wedding. I naturally congratulated him, but I was very annoyed that he did not tell me on his own, as I certainly would have done so if I was the one who was getting married. Obviously, I cannot invite myself to his wedding, as that would be rude, but, having been his friend for thirteen years, I expect him to invite me, as I plan to invite him to my wedding, if I am ever married. If my friend does not invite me to his wedding, is that a good reason to terminate my friendship with him? I really do not wish to do that, if I can avoid doing so, because this friend is a great person and I always enjoy spending time with him, but, if he does not, I need to make my displeasure at that abundantly clear.

    What does everyone else say about this? If my friend fails to invite me to his wedding, should I cease all association with him?
     
  2. Island In the Sun

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    On principle, I usually dress up for holidays and family dinners, usually business casual-y, like Aku in my avatar.

    Yes, it's good you took her opinion into consideration. No, you didn't let her control you.

    No.
     
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  3. Hop I am here

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    Did u ask him if hes started inviting people?
     
  4. DemonDragonJ Then I Kissed Her

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    I am glad to hear you say that, but why do you believe that?

    Not yet; we have been communicating by text message (that is now two of my friends who prefer text messages over normal calls, which I find to be supremely annoying), and my last message to him was to ask three questions: when he became engaged, if he has yet chosen a date for the wedding, and if he was planning to tell em before I asked him. I feel that it may be rude to ask him about invitations, as he may believe that I am attempting to invite myself.
     
  5. Island In the Sun

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    Why would you? Is not being invited to a wedding that offensive to you?
     
  6. Alibaba Saluja Depths of the Ocean

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    As long as you did it because you wanted to and not solely because she said so it's ok. Take her opinion into consideration and only do it if you want to.

    Don't think like that. Wait to see what happens. You should trust him since he's your friend.
     
  7. DemonDragonJ Then I Kissed Her

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    As I said, I have known this friend for thirteen years, so him not inviting me to his wedding would make me wonder how greatly, or how little, he values our friendship, because I plan to invite him to my wedding, if I am ever married.

    To continue that subject, I have communicated further with that friend, and he revealed that he posted the announcement of his engagement on Facebook, which I did not read, as I do not have an account on Facebook; another friend of mine, whom I shall call Friend C, saw the announcement and then told a third friend, Friend D, the most recent time that we were together, which was last Saturday. However, Friend C did not tell me at the same time that he told Friend D, which is very bothersome, so, the next time that I speak to Friend C, I shall ask him why he did not inform me of the first friend's engagement when he informed Friend D.
     
    Last edited: Apr 5, 2018
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  8. Fedster The 2018 version of amputating your own leg

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    If he really is a great friend to you, you should be happy that he's getting married instead of focusing on something like being invited to the wedding. As a friend, you should be supportive and caring instead of having a "what can I gain from this" mentality. And if he just got engaged, then the guest list is just one of many things that he is going to be troubled with.

    And when that happens, he's going to need a friend who helps him. So be there for your friend.
     
  9. DemonDragonJ Then I Kissed Her

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    There is also the fact that my friend has known his girlfriend for only slightly more than a year, compared to my brother, who has known his girlfriend for four years, but I suppose that, when love is involved, the amount of time for which two people have known each other is irrelevant. Several of my friends and I believe that our friend's girlfriend is rather clingy, but, unless that proves to be an actual problem, I presume that it would be wrong for us to attempt to discourage him from this course of action.

    On a different subject, for those users here who have been in serious relationships for significant durations, for how long had you been in your relationships when you had your first argument or disagreement with your partner, what was the subject of that disagreement, and how quickly and easily did you resolve that argument? Thus far, Lady J and I have not had any disagereemtns or arguments, but, if our relationship does become more serious, it is almost certain that we shall, and I wish to be able to resolve it easily and without too much tension.
     
  10. DemonDragonJ Then I Kissed Her

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    Today was Lady J's birthday, but she was working, so I was not able to treat her to dinner, but she shall be available for at least part of the day on this upcoming Saturday (April 14), so I shall treat her to lunch or dinner, then.
     
  11. Benedict Cumberzatch Gold Rays with Neck Ribbon

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    What type of restaurant are you planning on taking her?
     
  12. Aruarian Well-Known Member

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    Let us know what she thinks of your card, DDJ.
     
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  13. DemonDragonJ Then I Kissed Her

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    I am planning to take her to a Chinese restaurant with an all-you-can-eat buffet; I have mentioned this restaurant to her, and she is very eager to experience it.

    She told me that she received it, but was not able to say much more than that in a text message, but I shall be seeing her, in person, tomorrow, so I shall ask her more about it, then.
     
  14. DemonDragonJ Then I Kissed Her

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    @Aruarian, you never answered my previous question: have you ever felt that a woman was a perfect match for you? Could you simply feel that your relationship with her was perfect? I am inclined to presume that you have not, since you disparaged my belief in that idea.
     
  15. Aruarian Well-Known Member

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    I did, back in my teenage years. But that was all wishful thinking. Perfection does not exist, to aim for it or consider it an option is a fool's gambit. I've had plenty of good matches, but the thing is that people will change during their entire life. Sometimes (or most of the time) it's very difficult for two people to consistently change in ways compatible to one another.
     
  16. DemonDragonJ Then I Kissed Her

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    My outing with Lady J yesterday was very nice, as always; we first had lunch at a Chinese restaurant with an-all-you-can-eat buffet, as I mentioned, before. When we were seated, there were paper posters on the table with the Chinese zodiac; my sign is the rabbit, and Lady J's is the boar, which are compatible signs. I do not believe in astrology, but it was nice to have further evidence that the relationship that she and I have is an excellent one.

    This would have been a routine, if enjoyable, encounter, except that, after lunch, we returned to my house to watch a movie (the 1958 version of The Blob, if anyone is wondering), and, when we were sitting side-by-side, I put my hands under her shirt and touched her breasts and nipples. I have touched her, before, but it previously was only over her clothing, so this was the first time with skin-against-skin contact. She did not object to me doing so, so I feel that this was another step forward, however minor it may be, for our relationship.

    On that subject, I feel that our relationship is progressing sufficiently well that, when I do finally move out of my parents' house and get my own place of residence, I can ask her to live with me, but I am wondering how to do that. I was planning to ask her "will you be my roommate?", but a friend of mine suggested that I phrase the question differently, such as "will you be my living/live-in partner?" What does everyone else say about that?

    In that case, do you think that polyamory has appeal? It is very difficult for a single person to be a perfect match in every way for another person, so having different people to compliment different aspects of one's personality makes sense, at least to me. If not, how can a relationship between two people last a lifetime, if they do not remain compatible with each other?
     
  17. Fedster The 2018 version of amputating your own leg

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    This was a bit uncomfortable to read. She just sat there in silence as you groped her? No positive response such as moaning or even a "yes"?

    I don't know how to tell you this, but if that is the case, I can think of two possibilities:

    A) Lady J is asexual.

    B) Lady J doesn't know how to say no or she is afraid to do so.
     
  18. Mider T VM Rapist

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    You're far away from that. You haven't even gotten to 3rd base yet.
     
  19. DemonDragonJ Then I Kissed Her

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    That is not the type of response that I was hoping to receive; I was hoping that you would be pleased that am making progress with my relationship, but you instead seem to believe that I am a molester. First, Lady J once confided in me that she actually had feelings for another man at the AANE events before meeting me, but that man did not reciprocate them, so she certainly is not asexual, and the fact that she was willing to confide such information in me is a good sign for the relationship that she and I have. Second, the first time that I ever touched her, I asked, "it this okay?" or a variation of that (I do not recall my exact words), and she said that it was, and that she would have said something if she was not comfortable with it. Whenever we are together, I frequently ask her "are you comfortable?" When we are driving in my car, I am referring to the internal temperature, and, when we are watching a movie, I am referring to my intimately touching her; if she ever is uncomfortable with the temperature in my car, I adjust it so that she will be comfortable, and, if she ever is comfortable with my touch, I stop touching her (although that, thankfully, does not happen too often).

    Now, to answer your question, she did not say anything, but her nipples became erect under my touch, and she started breathing slightly faster, but you are correct that I perhaps should have said something, so, next time, I will attempt to communicate with words.

    As for you finding my post to be "uncomfortable," how would you have phrased it? How would you have described that situation to everyone in this thread?

    Yes, I know that, but to use the same baseball metaphor that you used, we have now made it to second base, when before, we were only as far as third base, so I imagine that we shall eventually reach third base at some point in the future (as I have said, we are staying in the same room for my brother's wedding, which I am hoping will be a great opportunity for us).

    @baconbits, @Aruarian, @Island, you do not believe that I am behaving akin to one of the countless sleazy males often seen in 80's horror films, groping women before being brutally killed by the monster, do you? Please tell me that you do not believe that to be the case, in this situation.
     
  20. Atlantic Storm Booze Intermission Administrator

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    I do not believe you will be brutally killed by a monster.

    (Serious response possibly coming later... once I am sober.)
     
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  21. DemonDragonJ Then I Kissed Her

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    I would like to say that that is reassuring to hear, but that is still not the type of response that I was hoping to receive, as it did not address the first part of my question.
     
  22. Alibaba Saluja Depths of the Ocean

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    Humm.. Imo maybe saying you were laughing and smiling to each other? I don't know if that's what others thought but it seemed too formal for a relationship with the way you described it. But this is all my opinion of course.

    If you make her fell comfortable then it's all ok. Some women have a tendency to shut themselves and not telling what's really on their mind. Of course I can't say that's the case with your girlfriend.
     
  23. Island In the Sun

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    You're gucci as long as she gives affirmative consent.
     
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  24. Fedster The 2018 version of amputating your own leg

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    @DemonDragonJ I do apologize if you feel that I called you a molester. It was not my intention at all. Having said that,

    Asexual is a person who does not feel sexual attraction, and as I understand it, "having feelings for" means "romantic attraction". It is possible to fall in love with a person and not have sex with them; both concepts (love and sex) do not always go together. However, if you say that you felt positive responses from her, I'll have to take your word for it cause I live on the other side of the continent.

    I, for one, wouldn't have shared it, but that's me.

    But to answer your question, I'd just say that I've made some more progress being intimate with my partner and leave it at that.
     
  25. DemonDragonJ Then I Kissed Her

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    That is very reassuring to hear.

    I am not offended, so I thank you for the clarification.

    I do not recall her exact words, but she may actually have said that she liked the other man; I do not believe that she used quite as elaborate a phrase as what I used.

    Sexual activity is certainly not all that I desire from her, but it still is important, so, if she has no desire for it, that shall be problematic. In the chance that she has no interest in sexual intercourse, would it be wrong for me to try to convince her to engage in such activity? What if I did so in a manner akin to attempting to convince a person to try a new food, such as by saying "try it; you may like it!" or "why not give it a chance?"

    I could have done that, but that would have left everyone wondering what type of progress I had made, so I wished to provide details.
     
    Last edited: Apr 15, 2018
  26. HisokaRollin Sougo, my boy

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    ok im new to the topic but maybe my female view will help a little... so i know a little about you ddj and this situation but i havent kept track lately of your progress with Lady J. So are you guys together? have you kissed yet?
     
  27. baconbits SSL or nothing Super Moderator

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    I don't think you're a monster but I'd rather you didn't share the exact details of what you guys did physically. The reason for this is because people find more entertainment out of the details, at Lady J's expense by the way, and nothing worthwhile to advise you on. I'd ignore people saying you're molesting or pretending Lady J is asexual based off of reading one post about her.

    I'm glad you're progressing physically. I'll leave it at that. You have even less reason to be afraid of progressing with your relationship.
     
  28. Island In the Sun

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    So you're telling him to ignore @Fedster, specifically? He already apologized for the miscommunication, so this comment comes off as extremely passive-aggressive.
     
  29. baconbits SSL or nothing Super Moderator

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    Here's the thing. I think @Fedster admitted he wasn't following the story, so my intent wasn't to just trash him. I do think he gave bad advice in this instance, tho, yes. But the problem is not @Fedster , it's DDJ who's sharing information that he shouldn't. The reason it comes across as some sort of molestation is because when DDJ narrates a story he can usually only see things from his perspective. Fedster may not realize this and as a result he misread DDJ's intentions and is pushing DDJ to get even more awkward (e.g. "Madam, shall I massage your nipples again today? The last experience was most pleasurable for me and I hope the feeling was mutual.")

    So the first problem is how DDJ told the story. The second problem is that he told the story at all. I'm a little old school with this, so if folks disagree just hit me, but in my view the more intimate you get with someone the more you're sharing their information when you talk about the experience. In other words if I just kiss a random girl that's one thing and I'm betraying no one's trust by saying I kissed Random girl A. But if I have intercourse with her and tell all the details in a public setting I'm taking something done in confidence and telling that to everyone; I think it starts to become a betrayal of trust.

    So yes, I think the problem here is DDJ, who's sharing details he shouldn't, and because he is so self focused it didn't come off as impressively as he intended. I think Fedster in some ways fell for that bait.
     
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  30. Aruarian Well-Known Member

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    "Intercourse"

    You're such a romantic, Bacon. xD
     
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