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Advice Do you Need some Relationship Advice?

Discussion in 'Konoha Country Club' started by baconbits, Nov 4, 2014.

  1. Fedster The 2018 version of amputating your own leg

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    If he really is a great friend to you, you should be happy that he's getting married instead of focusing on something like being invited to the wedding. As a friend, you should be supportive and caring instead of having a "what can I gain from this" mentality. And if he just got engaged, then the guest list is just one of many things that he is going to be troubled with.

    And when that happens, he's going to need a friend who helps him. So be there for your friend.
     
  2. DemonDragonJ Hotter than Hell

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    There is also the fact that my friend has known his girlfriend for only slightly more than a year, compared to my brother, who has known his girlfriend for four years, but I suppose that, when love is involved, the amount of time for which two people have known each other is irrelevant. Several of my friends and I believe that our friend's girlfriend is rather clingy, but, unless that proves to be an actual problem, I presume that it would be wrong for us to attempt to discourage him from this course of action.

    On a different subject, for those users here who have been in serious relationships for significant durations, for how long had you been in your relationships when you had your first argument or disagreement with your partner, what was the subject of that disagreement, and how quickly and easily did you resolve that argument? Thus far, Lady J and I have not had any disagereemtns or arguments, but, if our relationship does become more serious, it is almost certain that we shall, and I wish to be able to resolve it easily and without too much tension.
     
  3. DemonDragonJ Hotter than Hell

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    Today was Lady J's birthday, but she was working, so I was not able to treat her to dinner, but she shall be available for at least part of the day on this upcoming Saturday (April 14), so I shall treat her to lunch or dinner, then.
     
  4. Benedict Cumberzatch

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    What type of restaurant are you planning on taking her?
     
  5. Aruarian Ensō // Reflection Eternal

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    Let us know what she thinks of your card, DDJ.
     
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  6. DemonDragonJ Hotter than Hell

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    I am planning to take her to a Chinese restaurant with an all-you-can-eat buffet; I have mentioned this restaurant to her, and she is very eager to experience it.

    She told me that she received it, but was not able to say much more than that in a text message, but I shall be seeing her, in person, tomorrow, so I shall ask her more about it, then.
     
  7. DemonDragonJ Hotter than Hell

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    @Aruarian, you never answered my previous question: have you ever felt that a woman was a perfect match for you? Could you simply feel that your relationship with her was perfect? I am inclined to presume that you have not, since you disparaged my belief in that idea.
     
  8. Aruarian Ensō // Reflection Eternal

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    I did, back in my teenage years. But that was all wishful thinking. Perfection does not exist, to aim for it or consider it an option is a fool's gambit. I've had plenty of good matches, but the thing is that people will change during their entire life. Sometimes (or most of the time) it's very difficult for two people to consistently change in ways compatible to one another.
     
  9. DemonDragonJ Hotter than Hell

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    My outing with Lady J yesterday was very nice, as always; we first had lunch at a Chinese restaurant with an-all-you-can-eat buffet, as I mentioned, before. When we were seated, there were paper posters on the table with the Chinese zodiac; my sign is the rabbit, and Lady J's is the boar, which are compatible signs. I do not believe in astrology, but it was nice to have further evidence that the relationship that she and I have is an excellent one.

    This would have been a routine, if enjoyable, encounter, except that, after lunch, we returned to my house to watch a movie (the 1958 version of The Blob, if anyone is wondering), and, when we were sitting side-by-side, I put my hands under her shirt and touched her breasts and nipples. I have touched her, before, but it previously was only over her clothing, so this was the first time with skin-against-skin contact. She did not object to me doing so, so I feel that this was another step forward, however minor it may be, for our relationship.

    On that subject, I feel that our relationship is progressing sufficiently well that, when I do finally move out of my parents' house and get my own place of residence, I can ask her to live with me, but I am wondering how to do that. I was planning to ask her "will you be my roommate?", but a friend of mine suggested that I phrase the question differently, such as "will you be my living/live-in partner?" What does everyone else say about that?

    In that case, do you think that polyamory has appeal? It is very difficult for a single person to be a perfect match in every way for another person, so having different people to compliment different aspects of one's personality makes sense, at least to me. If not, how can a relationship between two people last a lifetime, if they do not remain compatible with each other?
     
  10. Fedster The 2018 version of amputating your own leg

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    This was a bit uncomfortable to read. She just sat there in silence as you groped her? No positive response such as moaning or even a "yes"?

    I don't know how to tell you this, but if that is the case, I can think of two possibilities:

    A) Lady J is asexual.

    B) Lady J doesn't know how to say no or she is afraid to do so.
     
  11. Mider T VM Rapist

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    You're far away from that. You haven't even gotten to 3rd base yet.
     
  12. DemonDragonJ Hotter than Hell

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    That is not the type of response that I was hoping to receive; I was hoping that you would be pleased that am making progress with my relationship, but you instead seem to believe that I am a molester. First, Lady J once confided in me that she actually had feelings for another man at the AANE events before meeting me, but that man did not reciprocate them, so she certainly is not asexual, and the fact that she was willing to confide such information in me is a good sign for the relationship that she and I have. Second, the first time that I ever touched her, I asked, "it this okay?" or a variation of that (I do not recall my exact words), and she said that it was, and that she would have said something if she was not comfortable with it. Whenever we are together, I frequently ask her "are you comfortable?" When we are driving in my car, I am referring to the internal temperature, and, when we are watching a movie, I am referring to my intimately touching her; if she ever is uncomfortable with the temperature in my car, I adjust it so that she will be comfortable, and, if she ever is comfortable with my touch, I stop touching her (although that, thankfully, does not happen too often).

    Now, to answer your question, she did not say anything, but her nipples became erect under my touch, and she started breathing slightly faster, but you are correct that I perhaps should have said something, so, next time, I will attempt to communicate with words.

    As for you finding my post to be "uncomfortable," how would you have phrased it? How would you have described that situation to everyone in this thread?

    Yes, I know that, but to use the same baseball metaphor that you used, we have now made it to second base, when before, we were only as far as third base, so I imagine that we shall eventually reach third base at some point in the future (as I have said, we are staying in the same room for my brother's wedding, which I am hoping will be a great opportunity for us).

    @baconbits, @Aruarian, @Island, you do not believe that I am behaving akin to one of the countless sleazy males often seen in 80's horror films, groping women before being brutally killed by the monster, do you? Please tell me that you do not believe that to be the case, in this situation.
     
  13. your mum lmao Booze Intermission Supporting Staff

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    I do not believe you will be brutally killed by a monster.

    (Serious response possibly coming later... once I am sober.)
     
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  14. DemonDragonJ Hotter than Hell

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    I would like to say that that is reassuring to hear, but that is still not the type of response that I was hoping to receive, as it did not address the first part of my question.
     
  15. Alibaba Saluja Sindria Kingdom

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    Humm.. Imo maybe saying you were laughing and smiling to each other? I don't know if that's what others thought but it seemed too formal for a relationship with the way you described it. But this is all my opinion of course.

    If you make her fell comfortable then it's all ok. Some women have a tendency to shut themselves and not telling what's really on their mind. Of course I can't say that's the case with your girlfriend.
     
  16. Island In the Sun

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    You're gucci as long as she gives affirmative consent.
     
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  17. Fedster The 2018 version of amputating your own leg

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    @DemonDragonJ I do apologize if you feel that I called you a molester. It was not my intention at all. Having said that,

    Asexual is a person who does not feel sexual attraction, and as I understand it, "having feelings for" means "romantic attraction". It is possible to fall in love with a person and not have sex with them; both concepts (love and sex) do not always go together. However, if you say that you felt positive responses from her, I'll have to take your word for it cause I live on the other side of the continent.

    I, for one, wouldn't have shared it, but that's me.

    But to answer your question, I'd just say that I've made some more progress being intimate with my partner and leave it at that.
     
  18. DemonDragonJ Hotter than Hell

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    That is very reassuring to hear.

    I am not offended, so I thank you for the clarification.

    I do not recall her exact words, but she may actually have said that she liked the other man; I do not believe that she used quite as elaborate a phrase as what I used.

    Sexual activity is certainly not all that I desire from her, but it still is important, so, if she has no desire for it, that shall be problematic. In the chance that she has no interest in sexual intercourse, would it be wrong for me to try to convince her to engage in such activity? What if I did so in a manner akin to attempting to convince a person to try a new food, such as by saying "try it; you may like it!" or "why not give it a chance?"

    I could have done that, but that would have left everyone wondering what type of progress I had made, so I wished to provide details.
     
    Last edited: Apr 15, 2018
  19. HisokaRollin Sougo, my boy

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    ok im new to the topic but maybe my female view will help a little... so i know a little about you ddj and this situation but i havent kept track lately of your progress with Lady J. So are you guys together? have you kissed yet?
     
  20. baconbits Super Moderator

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    I don't think you're a monster but I'd rather you didn't share the exact details of what you guys did physically. The reason for this is because people find more entertainment out of the details, at Lady J's expense by the way, and nothing worthwhile to advise you on. I'd ignore people saying you're molesting or pretending Lady J is asexual based off of reading one post about her.

    I'm glad you're progressing physically. I'll leave it at that. You have even less reason to be afraid of progressing with your relationship.
     
  21. Island In the Sun

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    So you're telling him to ignore @Fedster, specifically? He already apologized for the miscommunication, so this comment comes off as extremely passive-aggressive.
     
  22. baconbits Super Moderator

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    Here's the thing. I think @Fedster admitted he wasn't following the story, so my intent wasn't to just trash him. I do think he gave bad advice in this instance, tho, yes. But the problem is not @Fedster , it's DDJ who's sharing information that he shouldn't. The reason it comes across as some sort of molestation is because when DDJ narrates a story he can usually only see things from his perspective. Fedster may not realize this and as a result he misread DDJ's intentions and is pushing DDJ to get even more awkward (e.g. "Madam, shall I massage your nipples again today? The last experience was most pleasurable for me and I hope the feeling was mutual.")

    So the first problem is how DDJ told the story. The second problem is that he told the story at all. I'm a little old school with this, so if folks disagree just hit me, but in my view the more intimate you get with someone the more you're sharing their information when you talk about the experience. In other words if I just kiss a random girl that's one thing and I'm betraying no one's trust by saying I kissed Random girl A. But if I have intercourse with her and tell all the details in a public setting I'm taking something done in confidence and telling that to everyone; I think it starts to become a betrayal of trust.

    So yes, I think the problem here is DDJ, who's sharing details he shouldn't, and because he is so self focused it didn't come off as impressively as he intended. I think Fedster in some ways fell for that bait.
     
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  23. Aruarian Ensō // Reflection Eternal

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    "Intercourse"

    You're such a romantic, Bacon. xD
     
  24. baconbits Super Moderator

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    :beardthing
     
  25. Mider T VM Rapist

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    Fixed.
     
  26. DemonDragonJ Hotter than Hell

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    We have kissed; the first several times, I had to verbally prompt her or ask her if I might miss her, but eventually, I stopped needing to use words. She does not resist, but she is not quite as passionate as I wish that she would be, so I clearly need to do something about that.

    In that case, what if we do eventually have sexual intercourse? I may have asked this question, already, but I would view that as a significant milestone, and I imagine that everyone here would be pleased to hear of that. Also, what if I learn that Lady J does not shave her pubic hair, and I wish to ask others here for advice on how to ask her to shave it?

    I promise you that I was not attempting to bait @Fedster in any way; I simply was recalling events in my own way.

    Also, I again wish to ask: Lady J and I have not reached that point, yet, but, when I do obtain my own place of residence, how should I ask her to be my roommate, living partner, or whatever the best term is?

    Actually, that is wrong; "madam" or "madame" are both short for "mademoiselle," and none of those words contain an apostrophe; however, the word "ma'am" does contain that punctuation mark, as it is an even more abbreviated version of the original word.
     
  27. Fedster The 2018 version of amputating your own leg

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    I will try to keep up and get the whole picture instead of jumping the gun like that, @baconbits . Apologies if I caused you any trouble.

    You can go with the classic "Would you like to move in with me?". It's straight to the point, and it's not really used for anything else but for that purpose.
     
  28. DemonDragonJ Hotter than Hell

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    That may work, but I am nowhere close to that point, yet, as I still do not have a permanent 40-hour-per-week job, which I shall need to have if I wish to find my own place of residence.
     
  29. Mider T VM Rapist

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    It's not wrong anymoreso than M'lady is.
     
  30. Aruarian Ensō // Reflection Eternal

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    @DDJ Have you tried asking something along the lines of "would you like to touch my body, too?" If she's willing but somehow holding back, that might help. At least in my experience.
     
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