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Advice Do you Need some Relationship Advice?

Discussion in 'Konoha Country Club' started by baconbits, Nov 4, 2014.

  1. DemonDragonJ The Man

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    @baconbits, in another thread, @Mider T said that, when a person is married, their relationship with their sibling is little more than a very strong friendship; do you agree with that idea? To me, the idea that my brother, whom I love more than anyone or anything in the world, would regard me as merely a friend, is an idea that bothers me very much, because he is much more than a friend, to me.
     
  2. Mider T VM Zombie

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    I said "for all intents and purposes" not "little more"; and I said that because you were saying that you would put your brother before your future wife's needs.
     
  3. baconbits SSL or nothing Retired Staff

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    I think that you'll always be important to him, however when he begins to build his family it's natural that he'll have less time for you and your interests and as your relationship hopefully develops you'll also have less time for him. My brother and I are best friends: we write plays together, share similar interests and have been best buds since I was 2 and he was 1. But now that we have kids it's a bit harder to hang together. But we still make time to hang out. Our wives our best friends so that also helps.

    In the end you simply have to be willing to have less of other's time for their sake, because they'll have other interests. That doesn't mean you're not important but it does mean you're not the only thing that's important to them.
     
  4. DemonDragonJ The Man

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    If I have not already mentioned it, Lady J and I shall be attending the on this Saturday, which shall be our second time attending that event; we enjoyed it last time, so I imagine that we shall enjoy it this time, as well.

    Also, Lady J invited me to the graduation party of one of her long-time friends on next Saturday (June 23), which is great, because she is taking the initiative in that situation and because I imagine that she would not have invited simply any friend of hers to such an event; that is an activity for couples, not ordinary friends, in my mind.

    Yes, that does make sense; thank you very much.
     
  5. John Wick I'd like a dinner reservation for twelve.

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    Some people enjoy being degraded it's a sexual kink.
     
  6. DemonDragonJ The Man

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    Lady J and I had a wonderful time at the Happy Together tour, so there is nothing too much out of the ordinary to say about that; as I was driving her home, I asked her "are we happy together?" and she enthusiastically affirmed that we are; when I returned her to her house, I kissed her, and, while I did not measure the exact duration of that kiss, it was definitely one of the longest kisses that she and I have shared, thus far. Again, nothing too much out of the ordinary happened during this outing, but I wished to mention that.
     
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  7. Lina Shields Look! A zombie!

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    @DemonDragonJ Glad to see that your relationship with your partner is going well. As long as she and you are happy together, you guys should be able to enjoy each other's presence more often than not.
     
  8. Mider T VM Zombie

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    It's the little things that count.:thumbs
     
  9. DemonDragonJ The Man

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    Yes! @God himself has liked my post! When that happens, I know that I am truly doing well. :grin
     
  10. Aphrodite Bite Me

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    You don't have to measure the duration of kisses. :hurr Also when you guys have sex please dont time it to see how long how long it lasts.
     
  11. DemonDragonJ The Man

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    Of course I shall not do that; I shall be focusing too much on enjoying the activity to measure its duration.
     
  12. Aphrodite Bite Me

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    Thats good. :hurr
     
  13. DemonDragonJ The Man

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    Of course it is, and thank you for the +rep.

    I forgot to mention above that, after Lady J and I left the concert, I said to her that I would not have invited simply anyone to the concert, and I chose her because she is special to me, for which she thanked me very much.
     
  14. Aphrodite Bite Me

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    That was a sweet thing to say. Its the small things that matter the most unless you date a gold digger.
     
  15. Smoke ▄█▀ █▄ █▄█ ▀█▀

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    Gold diggers are the best.

    You know exactly why they're there, and how long you have until the relationship "runs out."


    When she's there because of your personality, things get complicated. You don't know when she'll tire of you, and you'll have to live everyday thinking "Is this the day she finally dumps me? When did it start? When did she start doubting... us?"
     
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  16. DemonDragonJ The Man

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    That has never happened to me, yet, and I do not expect that it shall, but, if it does, it means that the relationship was never a very strong one to begin with.
     
  17. Lina Shields Look! A zombie!

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    Do girls prefer an exciting relationship or a stable one?

    Girls here on NF, would it be possible to provide input on the above question, please?

    Thanks in advance.

    From my personal observations, relationships between older couples have generally been more stable, however.
     
  18. Aphrodite Bite Me

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    A stable relationship can still be an exciting one.
     
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  19. Lina Shields Look! A zombie!

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    When in a serious relationship, do you love yourself more than your partner, or is it the other way around?

    My father gave me the advice that if you want a relationship with her to be fruitful, she needs to look up to you most of the time. Otherwise, she'll slowly lose respect for you in the long run or something. It's arguable whether this is true or not, but my mother looks up to my dad a lot of the times, and they've been married for like 2.5 decades now.
     
  20. Aphrodite Bite Me

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    Well of course i love myself but when in a relationship if the guy is deserving i tend to love him more but not so much to where im gonna end my life if he leaves. I think all relationships are different and the female doesnt always have to look up to the guy for it to be fruitful or long lasting. As long as you have less arguments and keep it exciting then it will last wether you look up to the person or not.
     
  21. baconbits SSL or nothing Retired Staff

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    The answer doesn't differ much between men and women. For romance people prefer excitement and for friendship people prefer stability.
     
  22. Lina Shields Look! A zombie!

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    Perhaps the lack of excitement in a romance is one of the main reasons why relationships tend to fizzle out at times...

    But then, there were more than a couple instances where I've seen couples fight, argue, and split at times and end up getting back together again. Meanwhile, I've also seen couples who don't seem to have any glaring problems in their relationships (no arguing, fighting, etc) but ended up splitting from each other permanently, probably because the man (or the woman) just wasn't satisfied with the lack of excitement/activity in that relationship.

    For the friendship issue, it usually does more harm than good when a severe disagreement or a major argument occurs between the two (or more). A sincere apology may patch things up for the most part, but what usually happens is that the friendship doesn't seem to recover fully as it used to be prior to the confrontation.

    As such, your perspective regarding relationships and friendships seem to make the most sense to me, I think.

    One more thing that I would like to ask you regarding this topic is...
    • When it comes to romantic relationships, is love more important than respect when it comes to keeping the relationship going?
     
  23. baconbits SSL or nothing Retired Staff

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    Usually lack of excitement tends to make a relationship go on forever until someone wakes up and realizes they're bored. And that usually only happens with something else catastrophic, like cheating or some life changing event.

    Well ideally you want both. What people want and what people need are two different things. People want excitement but what they should actually prioritize is enough excitement to get them going but enough stability to keep the relationship alive. I've had exciting relationships and I've had stable ones. I much prefer the stable ones. And I think what you start to learn from marriage is that you can have excitement but you grow in your love for each other for even the small insignificant details. Your stability actually starts to become a source of pride, even if it isn't something that can get you excited. I love the fact that my wife is always there for me, even if I were to lose my job or make a mistake. That kind of love works to manufacture it's excitement in ways that don't have to do with drama.

    That depends entirely on whether you value forgiveness and honesty or not. Truth be told some relationships can actually become STRONGER after a confrontation. The problem with most people is they aren't honest. They are afraid to voice what they really think. Then something happens that makes them be honest and all of a sudden the two people can never look at each other the same.

    However if you start with honesty and something surprising like that comes up you'll still have a conflict. But the desire for friendship should make you apologize for how the conflict occurred - because it's rare to have a conflict without someone behaving badly - but understand each other all the more because of it. Thus, with forgiveness and reconciliation, it's actually possible to be better friends after a conflict than before. Consider the romance alternative to this as well: some couple's have their best intimacy after a conflict.

    Well to me respect and love are pretty inseparable for a good relationship. Traditionally men have wanted respect more and women have wanted love more but to me you need them both, because there is no good relationship without both in strong amounts.

    Psychologically men have wanted respect and admiration and women have wanted attention and affection, but to me those are just different sides to the much larger thing we call love. If my wife loves me she won't call me out in front of my friends. She'll respect my space. She'll do things that make me look good and I'll do the same for her. But my basic desire for the more cuddly things like consoling, affection and sweet words, I'd rather have in private than in public. You can respect me and admire me anywhere but I prefer to only be consoled in private. Many traditionally male types feel the same way.

    You can see this in how men operate socially as well. But that's a deep topic for another day.

    Women have wanted affection and attention but again, that's just another aspect of love. My wife likes if I text and call her. As for myself there are days I'd rather not be bothered, but for her it's the small things that count. If I hug my wife in public she likes that. If I send her flowers to her job she glows. But I suppose you can turn that around and say that by doing that I'm respecting and admiring her, too, and I probably couldn't make some clear delineation between the two types of love. In the end love will show itself in both ways.

    Now how do you show respect and love? That depends on yourself and what your partner needs. And that's a tl;dr post in it's own right.
     
  24. Smoke ▄█▀ █▄ █▄█ ▀█▀

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    Stable relationships are the best.

    What happens in the stable, stays in the stable.

    That summer working as a ranch hand, was the best.
     
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  25. DemonDragonJ The Man

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    I am not certain if I should reveal this, but I am too curious to see how everyone here shall react to it, so I shall reveal it; one time when Lady J and I were together (not the most recent time, but the time before that), we were sitting side by side, conversing about various topics, and I started licking her arm and shoulder, and she did not stop me or give any indication that it bothered her. I think that that is a good sign, because it seems to me that, with her personality, I will gradually need to ease her into being comfortable with such intimate contact if she and I are to ever engage in sexual intercourse.
     
  26. Lina Shields Look! A zombie!

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    It seems like she is rather receptive to your advances. Keep progressing with her, and make sure to check if she is okay with going further at times.
     
  27. DemonDragonJ The Man

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    When we are together, I almost always ask her "how are you feeling?" or "are you comfortable right now?", and she has always responded positively, thus far. If you have been following this thread, I hope that, when we are alone after my brother's wedding, we may possibly engage in some form of sexual activity, but I need to be certain that I am not too forceful, so that I do not make her uncomfortable.
     
  28. Lina Shields Look! A zombie!

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    It would be best that you keep the activities that happen behind closed doors, actually behind the closed doors.

    Has she not had relations with a man before, by the way?
     
  29. Smoke ▄█▀ █▄ █▄█ ▀█▀

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    Don't over do it with the asking for feedback.

    It eventually gets annoying, having to reassure the other person that everything is ok. Even if they are asking for your sake.

    It's like doing rape play, and stopping every so often to check if "was that ok to do?"
     
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  30. DemonDragonJ The Man

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    I certainly will not attempt to do so at the wedding ceremony, itself; I was referring to after the wedding is over, and we are in our hotel room.

    I have not yet asked her, but given her age, the fact that I did not have much experience at that age, and the fact that she is similar to me in many ways, I shall presume that she has not had sexual intercourse before. I was planning to ask her about that as a way to lead into that subject.

    I do not do it every time; the first several times that I touched her, I ensured that she was not bothered by it, and, after several times of her giving me permission to touch her, I stopped asking, because it seemed that she would always accept it.
     
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