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Advice Do you Need some Relationship Advice?

Discussion in 'Konoha Country Club' started by baconbits, Nov 4, 2014.

  1. Former Obd Lurker. Well-Known Member

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  2. DemonDragonJ The Man

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    I am not certain if I would say that she is an angel, because that would be setting unrealistic expectations, but she is definitely the most magnificent woman whom I have ever met; she is attractive, she has a great personality, and we get along so well; the way I feel about her, I have never felt about any other woman, before.

    That is a very serious question to ask, and one that cannot be answered easily. I am sorry to say that I have not felt the overwhelming sensation that countless fictional stories have described love as being when I am with Lady J, but I do feel a sense of comfort and contentment when I am with her; I feel that she and I are a great match, that we are compatible with each other, and that we would be comfortable and happy with spending the rest of our lives together, so I say that it is certainly very possible that I do love her.

    I am almost afraid to ask this, but are those not the same thing?
     
  3. Former Obd Lurker. Well-Known Member

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    Good anwser.
     
  4. DemonDragonJ The Man

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    I am glad that you think so.
     
  5. Benedict Cumberzatch Gold Rays with Neck Ribbon

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    No, they are not. One is you loving LadyJ intrinsically. This is predicated on who she is divorced from whatever external factors.

    The other is you being in love that you finally found a relationship. This relates to a goal you set for yourself and is independent of Lady J. You are glad you achieved something, not necessarily glad about Lady J.

    So yes, one is loving Lady J for the person she is, the other is being in love because you are proud you did something you set out to do, i.e. get closer to getting married (because this is somehow attached to a feeling of worth in your mind).
     
  6. Island In the Sun

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    This isn't true at all.

    Ask her.

    :confusedjr
     
  7. Atlantic Storm summa cum laude Supporting Staff

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    stop giving her hints and just talk to her about it outright, either you're clearly not very good at it or she's not very responsive to implicit messaging :nonon
     
  8. Former Obd Lurker. Well-Known Member

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    Just fucking ask her.
     
  9. Atlantic Storm summa cum laude Supporting Staff

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    incidentally:

    while i wouldn't hire a prostitute either, this attitude and view is probably why you're not getting anywhere with lady j sexually. sex is an important milestone, but you're blowing it out of proportion thinking it has to be some sort of incredibly momentous occasion - sex is just sex
     
  10. Takano-san Brujo

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    It is, but it is more important when it's with someone you love.

    Bingo.
     
  11. yuLeopard Pink Haired Pirates

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    Well it didn't really work out with the one I planned on going out with. I think I got stood up for a soundcloud rapper bc she asked for a time on Instagram and then never read the message for the past few days but has been advertising some guys song. So I just unsent themessage and unadded her. There's this one girl I've been chatting with over the past few weeks she said I was good looking but she was interested in else at the time and I don't know if it's betraying my rule of not being Plan B by sliding into that. Other than that only other girl I talk to is this one girl who just hangs with her girlfriends 24/7
     
  12. Former Obd Lurker. Well-Known Member

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    Sorry man, well just go for it. The good girls can sometimes be the ones who don't show their true selfs for a while so just go for it.
     
  13. Gunners .

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    You can't rely on making hints to get a direct answer. Being blunt, they are easy to ignore which is beneficial when you don't want to give a committed answer.

    Ask your question directly. Understand that you should be comfortable asking your girlfriend direct questions instead of beating around the bush for months hoping that she will act on your hints.
     
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  14. Toby <b>Detective Dollars</b>

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    Good. Then if I were you I would rank it this way

    Priority 1. Get a permanent job
    Priority 2. Get a girlfriend

    I'd prioritise them in this order because you need to accept the possibility that Lady J does not want a relationship, and that's not within your control. You can however do a lot to ensure you get a permanent job.

    Ok, does that mean you have 2.5 years experience or more?

    If I were you I would talk to your manager about it now. Don't wait. Let him know that you've heard he's retiring and that you are interested in a permanent position if it should open.

    Is there a significant age-gap between you and Lady J? How much older are you? 7 years?

    What exactly is happening here? Do you call yourself her boyfriend in front of her, and she doesn't react? But at the same time you say she is not committing to the idea.

    This is confusing.

    You just need to tell her you want to be in a relationship with her and ask if she wants to be in an exclusive relationship with you. That's it.

    Let me try another blunt question: Have you had sex? If so it's a type of relationship but it's not explicit.

    Now I don't want to concern you but it's possible she sees you as a friend with benefits. If that's the case it's important you find out.

    There's only one way to find out. He has to ask her.
     
  15. baconbits SSL or nothing Retired Staff

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    You can't avoid relationships even if you tried, because romantic relationships are only one type of relationship. Since we all benefit from interacting with others socially you'll need to form relationships for your own mental health, even if they aren't romantic.

    I do agree with you, tho, that if you've been burned out by romance it's better seeking friendships that are stable, predictable and will support you when times get rough. In that sense romance can be a bit overrated.
     
  16. baconbits SSL or nothing Retired Staff

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    Just be patient and stay positive. You have lots of opportunities for romance and those opportunities will keep coming, so don't settle for less than you should. Take a step back and create some standards in your mind, some baselines that help you understand what you want so that you'll actually know when you're tempted to settle for less.
     
  17. Aphrodite Well-Known Member

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    Well I meant I am done with romantic relationships.
     
  18. baconbits SSL or nothing Retired Staff

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    Nothing wrong with that, honestly. As long as you have friends and family and you're happy with that I see nothing at all wrong with being done with romance.
     
  19. Gunners .

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    Could you change your username?

    In all seriousness, because I don't want my post to get deleted as off topic, at times that is the way to go. The start of a romatic relationship comes with a lot of uncertainty. If you got a bag of fuckery going on, it can make it harder to deal with the rejection often found and/or lead to a bunch of poor decisions.

    More seriously though, change your username.
     
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  20. Aphrodite Well-Known Member

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    I’ve had this name for practically 10 years almost. Why would I change it now. Also the reason I’m done with romantic relationships is because I’m sick of being lied to among other things.
     
  21. Former Obd Lurker. Well-Known Member

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    You just need to hit tinder up.
     
  22. Gunners .

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    I'm just fucking with you.

    Take some time to recover. You will encounter liars in all walks of life. It's tough because it makes you because it makes you question your judgement but that's not necessarily a bad thing. When things clear up start looking at signs and patterns to watch out for next time around.

    More often than not, people will be able to identify shit they found off key but made the mistake of overlooking.
     
  23. DemonDragonJ The Man

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    Spoiler: Covered for extreme length

    Can it be both? Would it be wrong if I felt both ways about it? Because there are traits about Lady J, herself, that I find attractive, but I also do feel a sense of accomplishment for having achieved what has been the best relationship that I have ever had with a woman.

    Then, in your mind, why is she not contradicting me or resisting my affections?

    I plan to do so, at some point, but I am apprehensive of the idea of her not wishing to have a serious romantic relationship with me. I have previously stated that I am hoping to have sexual intercourse with her at my brother's wedding (or, more accurately, after the wedding, when we are in our hotel room), but I also am planning to invite her to later in September for our second anniversary, so attempting to have sex with her after the wedding may hinder those plans. I have purchased a set of earring to give to her as an anniversary gift, and, while I am certainly not so pathetic that I would rely on material gifts to influence her opinion about me and her relationship with me, it certainly cannot hurt to employ all methods that I have available.

    This will likely not be a surprise to anyone here who knows me well, but I do not like things that I cannot control; I obviously do not wish to control Lady J, or any other person, but I do wish to subtly influence her answer toward being favorable to me.

    I actually asked my manager, today, if the retiring technician would leave an opening, and my manager said that he cannot make any guarantees, but it is very likely that there shall be an opening, so he shall keep me informed, and he both looked and sounded very enthusiastic when he said that.

    Unfortunately, there is; she is now twenty-three (having reached that age in April), and I shall be thirty-one in one week from today. When I first developed an interest in her, I felt that such a large age gap would prevent a relationship from developing, but I eventually decided that I could not allow a factor such as that to prevent me from pursuing romance with her, given that it had been nearly four years since I had previously met a woman in whom I was interested. As far as I can tell, Lady J does not mind the age difference between us, and I actually have directly asked her that, and she directly said that it did not bother her.

    That will require a great amount of courage to do, but I certainly am no coward; I have never backed away from difficult situations, before, and I cannot allow this one to intimidate me; the only problem is how to phrase it. Would it be too much if I directly said that I loved her, and wanted to spend the rest of my life with her?

    All that I am willing to say on a publicly-viewable forum is that I have not had sex with Lady J, yet. I am planning to eventually directly ask her if she has ever had sex with another person, and then use that to lead into dtermining if she would be willing to have sex with me.

    That is less than ideal for me, but, if that is the case, I will accept it, with the hope that it could lead to an emotionally-attached relationship.
     
  24. Former Obd Lurker. Well-Known Member

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    You can't marry her if you haven't been her Bf...
     
  25. Island In the Sun

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    If she hasn't consented to being your girlfriend, then she's not your girlfriend. As for why she hasn't, who knows. Ask her and find out.

    I can't speculate on the thoughts of somebody I don't even know.

    And there's a simple reason why a woman doesn't resist or contradict somebody, and it's not a reason you're gonna like.
     
  26. Former Obd Lurker. Well-Known Member

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    I don't think he understands what all of us are trying to tell him.
     
  27. Former Obd Lurker. Well-Known Member

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  28. Mider T VM Zombie

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    If she doesn't want to have sex with him, she doesn't want have sex with him. A wedding isn't going to magically change that. I hope he isn't getting his loins all stirred up for this event because there is a high probability it ends in blue balls and frustration.

    @DemonDragonJ if you just ask her now you won't have to stress over this on what might turn into a very sad day for you. Why you want to make this harder on yourself I dunno.
     
  29. DemonDragonJ The Man

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    What is that reason? I must be strong and prepared for the worst, so please do not hold anything back from me.

    I have already said that it is very important that she be my guest to my brother's wedding, so that I can show everyone there that I do have a partner, and I do not wish to jeopardize that.
     
  30. Mider T VM Zombie

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    People don't care as much as you think they do. You should have a partner to make you happy not other people anyway. And if she rejects you then you'll have just been publicly humiliated.
     
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