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Advice Do You Need Some Relationship Advice?

Valgrind

Durable Tears
If women will not match my requirements, why should I match theirs?
partnerships require give and take and compromise.

sometimes you go out of your way to match their requirements, sometimes they go out of their way to meet yours. sometimes you meet each other halfway.

i'm tempted to ask if you think that your convenience always takes precedence over another person's convenience. that would come across as an arrogant, selfish, and petty fixation. you'd literally be squabbling over pennies while ignoring the possibility of a greater prize. Imagine if all your potential matches say, "If men will not match my requirements, why should I match theirs?" - that would end up with nothing happening.

I'm not going to ask about the above though, because you've demonstrated the ability to go out of your way for people you care about. you're willing to quell your distaste for pets in the presence of Lady J's dog. you went out of your way to meet your friend at the dinosaur park despite your ambivalence.

from this evidence i can only conclude that your objection stems from the uncertainty of putting forward any kind of investment in a stranger, no matter how trivial it might me. installing an app to talk with them offline; reshuffling your schedule. please keep in mind that these efforts are inconsequential when you die. you will not remember this or regret meeting the requirements of others in such small ways when you're on your deathbed, even if they don't work out. these little compromises you make to try to reach out and connect with another person by meeting their requirements are not on the scale of huge sums of money, or having kids you don't want, or giving up your country or career to be with the person you love. you CAN afford to acquiesce a little bit to talk to a person more.

another possibility is that you're afraid of what trying to meet a potential match's requirements might mean. it means showing that you have an investment in the interaction, however minute and symbolic that might be. it also means putting your chip on the pile, a sign that you're actually going to play the game of potentially dating someone - and you've said you have some nervousness about being in an intimate relationship. the fear of what meeting a woman's requirements might mean for you, and of the possibility of rejection, manifests as an inflexibility. perhaps you do not want to meet her requirements because that would mean a rejection would feel devaststing.
 

Nep Nep

Forbidden Boi Cunt
I use that program practically every day at work, so I have no problem with using it, but here must be a way to use it to communicate with people outside of my company.



I put money into my savings account every week, and my parents have said that we need to pay off the mortgage on our house if we wish to keep it, so our financial situation is not as stable as we wish that it was.
Sure but how much exactly? 90% of my checks are saved.
I know that I am not perfect, but I feel that I am fairly attractive and intelligent, and I usually do not boast about my skills or accomplishments.

I do admit that I may lack flexibility, but I am always working on that, and I feel that I have made much progress in that area, such as by awakening early in the morning for my job, driving for almost an hour to reach my place of work, accepting the fact that my parents will allow my brother and his wife to bring their dog when they visit us, or by willingly sacrificing some of my free time to pursue a master's degree.

These are very good starts.
Also, my days of lacking confidence and being uncertain of myself are far behind me, and that is for the best; it took me many years to develop the level of self-assurance that I now possess, so I cannot allow myself to question or second-guess myself.
Sure but self confidence knows when NOT to be confident, when to come clean about lack of ability, without humility self confidence is cockiness.
I am now 33, so I cannot waste time with an apartment at this point in my life; my brother is two years younger than me, and he has a full and proper house, so there is no reason that I cannot have one, as well.
So what? Your brother also has a wife and kid, are you going to impregnate a prostitute so you can catch up to his life milestones?

Your brother has two incomes no? Not to mention he REQUIRES the space a house gives. You are a single man, you don't. It's a waste of your money at this time, you could just put it up and save up even more money for when it makes sense. Hell if you do it that way you'd probably end up with the bigger better house and be able to have a better mortgage than him.

Have some more dignity for yourself. Everyone progresses through life's mile stones at their own pace, you shouldn't feel ashamed that you haven't achieved the same things he has, in fact there is no obligation for you to do so at all ever if you don't want to. His age and relation to you is irrelevant.

Walk your path at your pace without shame or pressure.

My niece and nephew are basically at the same stage in life as me, so what? That's their life. They chose to move at a faster pace and I chose to move at a slower pace. Hell right now they're even making more money than me at this moment, their job pays 15 an hour and overtime on Sundays.
But again their age and relation is not relevant.
The reason for which I wish to have a house is so that I do not need to deal with strict or sadistic landlords; my parents tolerate me and accept me, but I cannot count on a stranger doing the same, so I do not wish to be in a situation where they may evict me for no good reason.
A landlord can't shove you on the street. They are legally required to give you notice, if they don't sue them and you'll very easily win.
I always pay my expenses before spending any money on luxuries, and I am saving money specifically for a large expense.

Also, as I have said, I am planning to purchase a 3D-printed house, which shall be significantly less expensive than will be a traditional house; I simply need to explain to the loan agents at my bank the benefits of such houses, both to the individual consumers and to the market overall, and then somehow get in contact with a company that shall build such houses.

I also am hoping to receive a raise at my job, soon, but everyone on my team has been expecting a raise since the beginning of April,, and it still has not yet occurred.
I don't know how much you're saving but if you weren't in such a rush you could do this way more sensibly.

If you make more than the salary I gave after taxes you can save over 80k in less than 3.6 years. Even if you move out and rent a studio for 1k instead of the 800 dollar mortgage.

You're rushing your life cause you want to catch up to siblings but a lot of your problems and miseries lie in you using your brother as a goal post. You should just do you regardless of him and regardless of what he has.

You're far too fixated on everyone else's accomplishments, your greatest flaw and the most detrimental to you is that you have a need to measure yourself against everyone else. That's the first thing you need to drown to move ahead.
 

Island

In the Sun
Moderator
My mental image of DDJ's brother is that he's the most normie all-around average dude who is blissfully unaware that his younger brother is constantly trying to one-up him.
 
yeah being stubborn kills relationships, especially for dudes

@DDJ if you can't accept such small difficulties like how to have a conversation with a women using apps or phone numbers then you likely won't being able to settle between living conditions, family differences, work, sharing income, dealing with her friends, etc

you need to drop your standards and expectations

also competing with your brother? yeah you lost that race a long time ago... think about your own life

again man... you mistake your confidence for just simple stubbornness
 

RemChu

🙌💎Gem collector 💎🙌
partnerships require give and take and compromise.

sometimes you go out of your way to match their requirements, sometimes they go out of their way to meet yours. sometimes you meet each other halfway.

i'm tempted to ask if you think that your convenience always takes precedence over another person's convenience. that would come across as an arrogant, selfish, and petty fixation. you'd literally be squabbling over pennies while ignoring the possibility of a greater prize. Imagine if all your potential matches say, "If men will not match my requirements, why should I match theirs?" - that would end up with nothing happening.

I'm not going to ask about the above though, because you've demonstrated the ability to go out of your way for people you care about. you're willing to quell your distaste for pets in the presence of Lady J's dog. you went out of your way to meet your friend at the dinosaur park despite your ambivalence.

from this evidence i can only conclude that your objection stems from the uncertainty of putting forward any kind of investment in a stranger, no matter how trivial it might me. installing an app to talk with them offline; reshuffling your schedule. please keep in mind that these efforts are inconsequential when you die. you will not remember this or regret meeting the requirements of others in such small ways when you're on your deathbed, even if they don't work out. these little compromises you make to try to reach out and connect with another person by meeting their requirements are not on the scale of huge sums of money, or having kids you don't want, or giving up your country or career to be with the person you love. you CAN afford to acquiesce a little bit to talk to a person more.

another possibility is that you're afraid of what trying to meet a potential match's requirements might mean. it means showing that you have an investment in the interaction, however minute and symbolic that might be. it also means putting your chip on the pile, a sign that you're actually going to play the game of potentially dating someone - and you've said you have some nervousness about being in an intimate relationship. the fear of what meeting a woman's requirements might mean for you, and of the possibility of rejection, manifests as an inflexibility. perhaps you do not want to meet her requirements because that would mean a rejection would feel devaststing.
Yeah he likely fears serious relationships and growing up? Self sabotage to not give out his number or video chat. After all took him forever to ask Lady J to be his gf because he was scared of her response.
 

Delta Shell

Well-Known Member
There's definitely an element of self sabotage due to fear of change I think.

I did do a paragraph long post about it but alas was ignored. Foolish man that I am :gglife :mjlol
 

martryn

Dick in hand
Man, I feel bad for your kid

WTF, man. My kid is spoiled like crazy. But staying at my ex-wife's apartment, sleeping on the couch, and eating all the junk food she keeps feeding the both of us does kill my health AND sanity. She's looking to buy a house with a bit more space in it, and at that point my visits can be both extended, and healthier. That's all I meant.
 

Worm Juice

Braphog
WTF, man. My kid is spoiled like crazy. But staying at my ex-wife's apartment, sleeping on the couch, and eating all the junk food she keeps feeding the both of us does kill my health AND sanity. She's looking to buy a house with a bit more space in it, and at that point my visits can be both extended, and healthier. That's all I meant.
You could also have taken the effort to do groceries and make healthy meals. But instead you accept what is given and bitch about it. Even at my mum’s who is an overfeeder I have brought groceries and made healthier meals. Now she is also eating healthier and snacking healthier things.
 

martryn

Dick in hand
You could also have taken the effort to do groceries and make healthy meals. But instead you accept what is given and bitch about it. Even at my mum’s who is an overfeeder I have brought groceries and made healthier meals. Now she is also eating healthier and snacking healthier things.

You lot don't know what you're talking about. As if I have any control in that household. That's the primary reason I left that marriage. I cook every night while I'm there, but she insists on only shopping at Whole Foods, and she also micromanages the entire process. She orders everything online and just picks it up, so I get zero input. I don't live there, and I don't really have any agency there, but I make the effort to spend as much time as possible there for my kid's benefit.

You want to know what it's like to try and scold a 7 year old for jumping on the couch, only to be overruled. Or to tell him not to wander off when we're out, only to be told that I shouldn't be so harsh with him. To TRY and suggest that we skip the trip to get ice cream after the soccer game, only to be guilt-tripped into it. And then trying to skip getting ice cream, only, again, to be guilt-tripped into getting some.

He tells me he's not hungry, but then she comes in and suggests a dozen different things to eat until she finds one that he says yes to, then I'm required to cook it. I spend 30 minutes slaving in the kitchen cooking a single meal for a 7 year old, which he then eats three bites of before telling me he's not hungry, something I knew before the process began. So do I... throw away a decent meal? I cook two portions of food for dinner for the three of us. After I eat my HALF, I then eat half of their leftovers because I have this thing with wasting perfectly good food. She'll go out and come back with cupcakes for all three of us, even though she knows I don't buy crap like that. Or a giant cake because it's Thursday and why the fuck not. Or she'll bring doughnuts home for dinner. Or she'll insist we get pizza. Or chicken wings. I order smaller and smaller portions because I know I'll eat their leftovers, but it seems like the less I order, the less they eat.

We went out for lunch yesterday to a ramen bar. I ordered a beer and that's it. She insisted I get something else so I frantically look for something not too filling or fatty. Oh, spring rolls. They come out. FIVE of them. They're deep fried. Fuck. I manage to convince the kid to eat one. She refuses to eat one. I eat three. I also end up eating 60% of my kid's dish. And all the pork from her bowl ends up in front of me. I'm only human. I'm now supposed to turn down pork belly? I'm supposed to throw the meat of the gods away? Oh, and of course, there is a doughnut shop next door.

I try not to order anything. I try to get a coffee, with two tablespoons of milk, please. Thank you. But, no. If I don't get something it's weird. It kills the experience for him. I've tanked the mood.

Saturday night the family goes out to celebrate birthdays. I'll just order a cocktail instead of food. Nope, it's a family style restaurant. The food comes out on platters. It's fried chicken. My sister's new in-laws look at me expectantly. They suggested the place. If I don't eat now then it's rude. I'll have one piece. Yes, I'll take some potatoes. Oh, I NEED the gravy? Ok, sure, I guess. Green beans. Oh, I have to try the bread, they say. With the apple butter. Dessert orders are placed. I can't resist as they have my favorite: blackberry cobbler a la mode.

Not to mention that my ex, after selling our house, has moved into a two bedroom apartment. My time spent in town is spent sleeping on the couch, living out of a suitcase that is sitting pushed against the wall in the living room. It's an open floorplan, so the only room of the apartment I can really stay in is basically in the kitchen. Half the pantry is snack food. I spend my time resisting the Oreos and Cocoa Krispies, Cheez-its and ice cream sandwiches. Harder to not grab a few M&Ms from the family sized bag. There is food in there that is going bad that she keeps saying we need to eat. I teach economics and understand the concept of sunk costs. I still can't walk the walk, and if we need to eat it before it goes bad, then I guess there is only one man for the job.

I spent a month in New York, living by myself. I managed to drop to 155 lbs and I felt great. 5'11" @ 155. Chiseled jawline. Tight abs. Thin, cordy arms with broad shoulders. I looked good. Girls flirted with me on their own initiative. I've spent about half of the last 5 months staying with my ex and I'm almost 170 lbs now. I feel lethargic and flabby. I don't have the confidence to wear tight fitting clothes. A certain resignation sets in. When I'm at the lake house I gradually lose the weight again, but I gain it faster than I can lose it the weeks I'm staying with my ex.

Here I count calories, sodium, and added sugars. I try to maintain a routine. Coffee. Greek yogurt with non-sweetened granola. A handful of almonds for a snack. A light soup for dinner, or chips and salsa, or a steak and salad. Hamburger and tater tots on Fridays when my father is around, something I know about in advance, so I tend to skip eating the rest of that day.

Here I have space and privacy to do light exercise. 20 push-ups every few hours. Squats. Plank during commercials. Do crunches and sit-ups. At my ex's apartment, my son's toys spill from the master bedroom, which she gave to him for the space, into the hallway, around the corner through the dining room, and into the living room. I am teased if I work out at all, not that I have much motivation or energy to do so.

The energy thing is big, too. Sleeping on the couch. The couch with the messed up springs because my seven year old walks on it, hops on it, and treats it like gym equipment. The lights stay on at night in case he gets scared. My ex goes to bed when he does, which is around 8 PM. She is up sometimes by 5 AM, in the kitchen, making lunch for his school, waking me up before I get anything close to 8 hours. I wake up several times a night anyways with terrible back pain and with various limbs having fallen asleep, something that I don't get even when I sleep on the floor. Occasionally I do sleep on the floor.

This... this is bitching. Making vague reference to gaining weight when I can't control my environment is mild complaining - a modicum of exasperation that invites no comment from others.

Please, say something else. I enjoy wrestling the conversation momentarily from DDJ. I die without attention.
 

Worm Juice

Braphog
You lot don't know what you're talking about. As if I have any control in that household. That's the primary reason I left that marriage. I cook every night while I'm there, but she insists on only shopping at Whole Foods, and she also micromanages the entire process. She orders everything online and just picks it up, so I get zero input. I don't live there, and I don't really have any agency there, but I make the effort to spend as much time as possible there for my kid's benefit.

You want to know what it's like to try and scold a 7 year old for jumping on the couch, only to be overruled. Or to tell him not to wander off when we're out, only to be told that I shouldn't be so harsh with him. To TRY and suggest that we skip the trip to get ice cream after the soccer game, only to be guilt-tripped into it. And then trying to skip getting ice cream, only, again, to be guilt-tripped into getting some.

He tells me he's not hungry, but then she comes in and suggests a dozen different things to eat until she finds one that he says yes to, then I'm required to cook it. I spend 30 minutes slaving in the kitchen cooking a single meal for a 7 year old, which he then eats three bites of before telling me he's not hungry, something I knew before the process began. So do I... throw away a decent meal? I cook two portions of food for dinner for the three of us. After I eat my HALF, I then eat half of their leftovers because I have this thing with wasting perfectly good food. She'll go out and come back with cupcakes for all three of us, even though she knows I don't buy crap like that. Or a giant cake because it's Thursday and why the fuck not. Or she'll bring doughnuts home for dinner. Or she'll insist we get pizza. Or chicken wings. I order smaller and smaller portions because I know I'll eat their leftovers, but it seems like the less I order, the less they eat.

We went out for lunch yesterday to a ramen bar. I ordered a beer and that's it. She insisted I get something else so I frantically look for something not too filling or fatty. Oh, spring rolls. They come out. FIVE of them. They're deep fried. Fuck. I manage to convince the kid to eat one. She refuses to eat one. I eat three. I also end up eating 60% of my kid's dish. And all the pork from her bowl ends up in front of me. I'm only human. I'm now supposed to turn down pork belly? I'm supposed to throw the meat of the gods away? Oh, and of course, there is a doughnut shop next door.

I try not to order anything. I try to get a coffee, with two tablespoons of milk, please. Thank you. But, no. If I don't get something it's weird. It kills the experience for him. I've tanked the mood.

Saturday night the family goes out to celebrate birthdays. I'll just order a cocktail instead of food. Nope, it's a family style restaurant. The food comes out on platters. It's fried chicken. My sister's new in-laws look at me expectantly. They suggested the place. If I don't eat now then it's rude. I'll have one piece. Yes, I'll take some potatoes. Oh, I NEED the gravy? Ok, sure, I guess. Green beans. Oh, I have to try the bread, they say. With the apple butter. Dessert orders are placed. I can't resist as they have my favorite: blackberry cobbler a la mode.

Not to mention that my ex, after selling our house, has moved into a two bedroom apartment. My time spent in town is spent sleeping on the couch, living out of a suitcase that is sitting pushed against the wall in the living room. It's an open floorplan, so the only room of the apartment I can really stay in is basically in the kitchen. Half the pantry is snack food. I spend my time resisting the Oreos and Cocoa Krispies, Cheez-its and ice cream sandwiches. Harder to not grab a few M&Ms from the family sized bag. There is food in there that is going bad that she keeps saying we need to eat. I teach economics and understand the concept of sunk costs. I still can't walk the walk, and if we need to eat it before it goes bad, then I guess there is only one man for the job.

I spent a month in New York, living by myself. I managed to drop to 155 lbs and I felt great. 5'11" @ 155. Chiseled jawline. Tight abs. Thin, cordy arms with broad shoulders. I looked good. Girls flirted with me on their own initiative. I've spent about half of the last 5 months staying with my ex and I'm almost 170 lbs now. I feel lethargic and flabby. I don't have the confidence to wear tight fitting clothes. A certain resignation sets in. When I'm at the lake house I gradually lose the weight again, but I gain it faster than I can lose it the weeks I'm staying with my ex.

Here I count calories, sodium, and added sugars. I try to maintain a routine. Coffee. Greek yogurt with non-sweetened granola. A handful of almonds for a snack. A light soup for dinner, or chips and salsa, or a steak and salad. Hamburger and tater tots on Fridays when my father is around, something I know about in advance, so I tend to skip eating the rest of that day.

Here I have space and privacy to do light exercise. 20 push-ups every few hours. Squats. Plank during commercials. Do crunches and sit-ups. At my ex's apartment, my son's toys spill from the master bedroom, which she gave to him for the space, into the hallway, around the corner through the dining room, and into the living room. I am teased if I work out at all, not that I have much motivation or energy to do so.

The energy thing is big, too. Sleeping on the couch. The couch with the messed up springs because my seven year old walks on it, hops on it, and treats it like gym equipment. The lights stay on at night in case he gets scared. My ex goes to bed when he does, which is around 8 PM. She is up sometimes by 5 AM, in the kitchen, making lunch for his school, waking me up before I get anything close to 8 hours. I wake up several times a night anyways with terrible back pain and with various limbs having fallen asleep, something that I don't get even when I sleep on the floor. Occasionally I do sleep on the floor.

This... this is bitching. Making vague reference to gaining weight when I can't control my environment is mild complaining - a modicum of exasperation that invites no comment from others.

Please, say something else. I enjoy wrestling the conversation momentarily from DDJ. I die without attention.
Ah that sucks. Also sounds like a great incentive to not have kids. Or get married ever. Is it financially possible to get your own place there or have your kid stay at your place for a short amount of time, like the weekends or something?
 

blk

Well-Known Member
We went out for lunch yesterday to a ramen bar. I ordered a beer and that's it. She insisted I get something else so I frantically look for something not too filling or fatty. Oh, spring rolls. They come out. FIVE of them. They're deep fried. Fuck. I manage to convince the kid to eat one. She refuses to eat one. I eat three. I also end up eating 60% of my kid's dish. And all the pork from her bowl ends up in front of me. I'm only human. I'm now supposed to turn down pork belly? I'm supposed to throw the meat of the gods away? Oh, and of course, there is a doughnut shop next door.

I try not to order anything. I try to get a coffee, with two tablespoons of milk, please. Thank you. But, no. If I don't get something it's weird. It kills the experience for him. I've tanked the mood.

Can't you just say that you are full / not feeling well? A generic thing like that to justify ordering few things (at a restaurant) or even nothing really (if you are at bar).
That generally doesn't invite discussion / questioning (and if it does you simply repeat it).

Not in the same situation but i understand the feeling of not conforming with what everyone else takes when it comes to food and such.

Here I have space and privacy to do light exercise. 20 push-ups every few hours. Squats. Plank during commercials. Do crunches and sit-ups. At my ex's apartment, my son's toys spill from the master bedroom, which she gave to him for the space, into the hallway, around the corner through the dining room, and into the living room. I am teased if I work out at all, not that I have much motivation or energy to do so.

You have to go out to exercise.

Ain't gonna happen inside a cramped house with two other people that do not have the same mindset.

Again generic excuse "i'm going a walk / need some air" if you need to say something.


It also depends on how much time you stay there ofc... if it's just few days every once in a while it's not that much of a big deal i guess.
 

Natty

Cursed Lipstick Lesbap
Light hearted question, it's something already rectified and done with, but I'm curious on what other people would do and the reason behind it and maybe other stories.

My gf snores while lying on her back, it's no big deal to me at all and it's something I've communicated (my parents are audible through 2 floors and several walls). However, she dislikes it, finds it embarassing, and wants me to gently wake her to tell her to shift onto her side. She's been struggling with having a good night's rest on account of night sweats from an SSRI she's waning off of. She stays over at my place a few days ago and while sleeping, she lies on her back midway through, and snores. I wake up, and think that it might be a bit hard for me to go back to sleep like this, so I get up and grab my headphones in my bag, turn on youtube on my phone and go back to sleep. She was slightly grumpy that I didn't wake her to stop the snoring.

My logic being that I don't want to risk her having an interrupted sleep because she's been having terrible sleeps for the past few weeks. That and it was such a small deal for me to get up and grab my headphones, I needed to pee anyways. She thinks her snoring woke me up, and as a result is embarrassed and slightly grouchy. I don't really think she woke me up, I just occasionally tend to wake up a few times a night.

We talked about it for a bit and she came around, we compromised that if I had to get up to get my headphones, to poke her awake for them. She tends to fall right back asleep anyways and she was happy I cared about her sleep.

Have any of you dealt with a snoring partner? What did you do, if anything?

What would y'all do in this situation or similar?
 

Atlantic Storm

becel es el orador dorado
Advisor
Light hearted question, it's something already rectified and done with, but I'm curious on what other people would do and the reason behind it and maybe other stories.

My gf snores while lying on her back, it's no big deal to me at all and it's something I've communicated (my parents are audible through 2 floors and several walls). However, she dislikes it, finds it embarassing, and wants me to gently wake her to tell her to shift onto her side. She's been struggling with having a good night's rest on account of night sweats from an SSRI she's waning off of. She stays over at my place a few days ago and while sleeping, she lies on her back midway through, and snores. I wake up, and think that it might be a bit hard for me to go back to sleep like this, so I get up and grab my headphones in my bag, turn on youtube on my phone and go back to sleep. She was slightly grumpy that I didn't wake her to stop the snoring.

My logic being that I don't want to risk her having an interrupted sleep because she's been having terrible sleeps for the past few weeks. That and it was such a small deal for me to get up and grab my headphones, I needed to pee anyways. She thinks her snoring woke me up, and as a result is embarrassed and slightly grouchy. I don't really think she woke me up, I just occasionally tend to wake up a few times a night.

We talked about it for a bit and she came around, we compromised that if I had to get up to get my headphones, to poke her awake for them. She tends to fall right back asleep anyways and she was happy I cared about her sleep.

Have any of you dealt with a snoring partner? What did you do, if anything?

What would y'all do in this situation or similar?
i told her to shut the fuck up and sleep like a normal person

(i basically just forced myself back to sleep because i didn’t want to wake her up and disrupt her sleep)
 

Valgrind

Durable Tears
Light hearted question, it's something already rectified and done with, but I'm curious on what other people would do and the reason behind it and maybe other stories.

My gf snores while lying on her back, it's no big deal to me at all and it's something I've communicated (my parents are audible through 2 floors and several walls). However, she dislikes it, finds it embarassing, and wants me to gently wake her to tell her to shift onto her side. She's been struggling with having a good night's rest on account of night sweats from an SSRI she's waning off of. She stays over at my place a few days ago and while sleeping, she lies on her back midway through, and snores. I wake up, and think that it might be a bit hard for me to go back to sleep like this, so I get up and grab my headphones in my bag, turn on youtube on my phone and go back to sleep. She was slightly grumpy that I didn't wake her to stop the snoring.

My logic being that I don't want to risk her having an interrupted sleep because she's been having terrible sleeps for the past few weeks. That and it was such a small deal for me to get up and grab my headphones, I needed to pee anyways. She thinks her snoring woke me up, and as a result is embarrassed and slightly grouchy. I don't really think she woke me up, I just occasionally tend to wake up a few times a night.

We talked about it for a bit and she came around, we compromised that if I had to get up to get my headphones, to poke her awake for them. She tends to fall right back asleep anyways and she was happy I cared about her sleep.

Have any of you dealt with a snoring partner? What did you do, if anything?

What would y'all do in this situation or similar?
we use a noise machine. i also hate waking my partner up because i care about the quality of their sleep, even though he says he doesn't mind. the interruptions aren't great on sleep architecture.

my partner mentions that they enjoy white noise, and when i sleep alone, i use a noise machine anyway. i have the noise machine overrepresenting low frequencies, which masks snoring sounds.

of course, this only works if both parties like/adjust to a white noise machine. it does have the advantage of more comfort since people don't need to put anything in their ears for it to work.

 
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Valgrind

Durable Tears
There's definitely an element of self sabotage due to fear of change I think.

I did do a paragraph long post about it but alas was ignored. Foolish man that I am :gglife :mjlol

yeah, you said it better than i ever could

took me a while to find the post but it's this one right?

@DemonDragonJ it's an extremely minor hinderence in your life to download an app mate.

Saying why should I accommodate her instead of her accommodating me is your whole issue. You want everything handed to you, to the point that even and non existently minor inconveniences are out of the question.

You can't tell the world you're doing everything possible and you're so so unlucky when you have such a ridiculously entitled position like this. You've used something incredibly extremely minor to potentially ruin your chances at meeting a woman. Just think about that next time you say it's a priority. You're not in the position of power that affords you such ridiculous nitpicky criteria.

Forgive me for saying but reading your thread where you say relationships make you nervous kinda paints a picture that you're using any small excuse to sabotage your chances. Whether sub-consciously or not. Change is scary but if you don't accept change you have to accept your position as is and be ok with that forever. Its masturbation and MTG. If that's what you want that's ok but if you want more it might just be a Skype call away.
 

Worm Juice

Braphog
Light hearted question, it's something already rectified and done with, but I'm curious on what other people would do and the reason behind it and maybe other stories.

My gf snores while lying on her back, it's no big deal to me at all and it's something I've communicated (my parents are audible through 2 floors and several walls). However, she dislikes it, finds it embarassing, and wants me to gently wake her to tell her to shift onto her side. She's been struggling with having a good night's rest on account of night sweats from an SSRI she's waning off of. She stays over at my place a few days ago and while sleeping, she lies on her back midway through, and snores. I wake up, and think that it might be a bit hard for me to go back to sleep like this, so I get up and grab my headphones in my bag, turn on youtube on my phone and go back to sleep. She was slightly grumpy that I didn't wake her to stop the snoring.

My logic being that I don't want to risk her having an interrupted sleep because she's been having terrible sleeps for the past few weeks. That and it was such a small deal for me to get up and grab my headphones, I needed to pee anyways. She thinks her snoring woke me up, and as a result is embarrassed and slightly grouchy. I don't really think she woke me up, I just occasionally tend to wake up a few times a night.

We talked about it for a bit and she came around, we compromised that if I had to get up to get my headphones, to poke her awake for them. She tends to fall right back asleep anyways and she was happy I cared about her sleep.

Have any of you dealt with a snoring partner? What did you do, if anything?

What would y'all do in this situation or similar?
I would try to flip her to her side while not trying to wake her up.
 

Parallax

Bloodhail
Retired Staff
I am helping to pay the mortgage on our house,


There is no way that I could afford that, unless I purchased a very inexpensive house, but such houses would be of terribly low quality. My grandmother's house is quite valuable, so, as much as I do not wish for her to die, I really need the money from selling her house.



If I knew what the missing factor was in my search for a new girlfriend, I would not be posting in this thread.



Perhaps I am not doing literally everything, but I am still doing much; in my mind, if a woman wishes for me to do something that I do not wish to do, she is not a good match for me and not worth my time, so I shall disregard her and look for another woman.



I frankly do not understand why the women would want to communicate via a medium other than the dating site, which is designed to facilitate communication between people. Perhaps it was my fault in some of those situations, but, as I said, those women are not worth my time, and I still maintain that the woman who was not willing to wait one week to hang out with me was entirely the one at fault, as I cannot be blamed for wishing to look after my ailing grandmother; if a woman wished to postpone a date with my to look after her grandparents, I would perfectly understand that, and not callously disregard her.

First of all to be frank that money should be going to your investment in a house paying for someone elses mortage is wildly irresponsible stupid and short sightedunless youre getting the house when yout parents die straight up


2nd the remaining text is why you'll literally NEVER

EVER

EVEEEEEER

have success and until you literally change this approach you're going to always fail
 
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