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[Advice] Do you Need some Relationship Advice?

Discussion in 'Konoha Country Club' started by baconbits, Nov 4, 2014.

  1. Atlantic Storm Booze Intermission Administrator

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  2. Law Godfather Moderator

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  3. Darkmatter Lion's Sin of Pride

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    Welp, I'm definitely going to set this one out and see what DDJ has to say now. I did whatever I can to help him encourage his confidence, all that's left is for him to do his part to establish an official relationship. :fatcat
     
  4. HamSloth Comfy Crew Moderator

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    Yeah my ex confessed her love for me. Said she's ready to really give things a shot, no more relationship limbo bullshit, and she's sorry for not realizing what we meant to each other sooner. I drove down to her Sunday night, spent all day with her Yesterday, put on some Kenny G and mood lighting and DTR'd things last night.

    She's finally actually my girlfriend.
     
  5. baconbits Moderator

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    Well you made your choice, my friend. Now you need to let the others know you're taken now. Congrats. As long as you didn't get guilt tripped into making this move there's nothing wrong with doing it. Go into the relationship and put it all on the line. If things don't work out don't let the reason be your efforts.
     
  6. HamSloth Comfy Crew Moderator

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    Yeah I already cut things off with other girls. And definitely not guilted into this. I've been doing my damnedest to suppress or get over my feelings, and so had she, so we decided to give it a real shot.
     
  7. DemonDragonJ Your witchdoctor

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    I need to wait for an appropriate situation, and preferably not too soon after asking her that question, already; I need to wait for our relationship to progress naturally and for us to become more comfortable with each other.

    That is good for your, my friend; I hope that I shall have a similar level of success in my own endeavors.
     
  8. Darkmatter Lion's Sin of Pride

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    Well, it's your life choices, so I can't make you decide; I can only give you an idea of what you should be doing while the rest here are giving you excellent advice (it's like I said a while ago: whether you decide to listen to people's advice or ignore them is up to you).
     
  9. Aruarian Ensō // Reflection Eternal

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    For fucks sake, start reading what we're saying. You HAVEN'T asked her to be your girlfriend. You asked her if she CONSIDERED herself your girlfriend. The latter is asking for confirmation on a(n assumed) status, the former is actually asking her to move into that state. Big difference! HUGE! BIGLY!

    One more week 'till Lady J becomes Lady D (gettin' that).
     
  10. afgpride Well-Known Member

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    You haven't been paying attention at all. Or worse, you have been paying attention, but you still somehow think your approach is more sensible than the advice of people who have or have had stable relationships with women.

    I gave you a nuanced angle, which was that going from 0 to 80 may not be wise in this situation. That doesn't mean you stay at 0. The advice you've been receiving is still very much correct; you need to establish intent. You haven't done that yet, and the more you fail on this front the more you are digging your own grave.
     
  11. Dayscanor The One

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    I wonder what he means by being more comfortable with each other. It's been a year already, you had plenty of time to become comfortable with one another.
    Instead of trying to get her to kiss you which isn't as important and certainly doesn't officialize your relationship, just ask her to be your GF and it will solve all your problems.
     
  12. afgpride Well-Known Member

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    Only DDJ would get cold feet about being straight up with his feelings, yet contemplate going in for a creepy awkward kiss out of nowhere. Dear lord.
     
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  13. Zatch Active Member

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    Sometimes I think DDJ is a multi-University study, and we're all being analyzed based on how we interact with him.
     
  14. DemonDragonJ Your witchdoctor

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    Did you actually need to ask any women to be your girlfriend? It is normal for a person asks someone to marry them, but, before I started posting in this thread, I never heard anyone say that a person needed to ask someone to be their boyfriend or girlfriend.

    I do not have "cold feet," I am simply concerned that if I show too much affection, too soon, I will drive her away from me, which I obviously do not wish to do.
     
  15. White Wolf ℒƚⱴℯ ø℟ ⅅⅈɇ Moderator

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    People need to ask, they're not mind readers lol. Every relationship I've been in has had either me confessing my feelings and asking her to be my gf, or vice versa.


    Asking is natural and a must unless you go to clairvoyant Brunhilda.
     
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  16. Law Godfather Moderator

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    Scrub that nonsense from your brain immediately.

    As far as you should be concerned, every relationship anyone has ever had in the history of the human race started with that question.
     
  17. Mider T VM Rapist

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    I would have kept playing the field but you do you.
    Its been over a year and you haven't even made out with her, the progression is abnormal.
    @Deer Lord
    You especially need to ask since somehow you thought you guys were an item when everybody here could tell you weren't.
    You have a strange concept of affection. You think slapping her ass after all his time is too much yet don't consider confessing your undying love after she said you were just friends creepy.
     
  18. HamSloth Comfy Crew Moderator

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    I was physical with a girl for 3 months before she was ready to even consider being my girlfriend. You cannot assume anything about the type of relationship you have. Communication about this stuff is absolutely necessary.
     
  19. Aruarian Ensō // Reflection Eternal

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    Yes.
    Every. Single. One.
    Defining the relationship is essential for both parties and is a sign of both understanding and respect.
     
  20. DemonDragonJ Your witchdoctor

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    I am wondering when I should ask Lady J such a question; on one side, it would be wise to not wait for too long and ask her when I next see her, on October 21st, when I am driving her home from King Richard's Fair, but, if she does not wish to be my girlfriend, that would make the situation very awkward when I give her the Christmas gift that I have for her; on the other side, if I wait until that time, giving her the Christmas gift may make her more likely to say that she does wish to be my girlfriend. I am almost afraid to ask, but what does everyone else think of that?
     
  21. Aruarian Ensō // Reflection Eternal

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    Ask her as soon as possible. Don't make a grand gesture out of it, don't assume you can butter her up with gifts to make her more inclined to say yes.

    Also, actually ask HER: "will you be my girlfriend?" Her choice and her agency.
     
  22. Trinity vitae mors fuit ista suae Retired Mod

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    DDJ

    I want you to put this in your
    calendar on October 21st:
    "Ask Lady J if she'd like to be my girlfriend"

    And swallow
     
  23. Trinity vitae mors fuit ista suae Retired Mod

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    I don't know if caps will help but I tried, guys
     
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  24. Larcher Ten Feet Up

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    This is why you don't get Christmas gifts in October.

    To resolve this issue, give her the gift on the 21st when you next meet her and ask her out right after. If she says no, then you don't have to worry about making things awkward by giving it to her on Christmas. If she says yes, you'll just have to get her a new Christmas present.

    Asking her out on Christmas is a bad choice. No one wants to have a question like that dropped on them, during a day that's meant to be an easy going celebration among friends and family, where you don't really want to give much thought about anything. It would be especially bad in the scenario she doesn't want to go out with you, because she'll either feel too bad to tell you the truth on Christmas so she'll pressure herself into saying yes. Or she'll say no, but still feel bad about it and you'll be pretty bummed out too on Christmas.

    Your best choice is asking her out when you next see her, because of Christmas being in bad taste and the fact you've known her for a while now.
     
  25. Mider T VM Rapist

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    Fuck the gift. Not sure why you bought it this early anyway. It isn't Christmas, just ask the question.
     
  26. Zatch Active Member

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    @DemonDragonJ, do you have Netflix? I think you've said you have ample free time. If so, you should watch the two seasons of Terrace House, since a large portion is dedicated to romance and commentary about relationships. Since you don't seem to take advice from here, just watch the show.
     
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  27. Dayscanor The One

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    Yes you need to ask someone to be your GF/BF, that's standard. Why? Because you need to define your relationship.If two people aren't on the same page, then that can be detrimental, hence why explicitely asking someone to be your GF is useful.
    And someone like you especially is in need of that.
    Forget about the gift, a Christmas gift is supposed to be given at Christmas, not in October, unless you're going on a mission to Afghanistan or something. If you still insist on giving it to her on that date, then you still have to go ahead with asking her to be your GF. You need to do a move, and unfortunately giving her a gift isn't exactly that. People are supposed to get gifts on Xmas, hence why it doesn't in anyway show your intentions, just in case you were thinking you could substitute one for another.And there's no proof she'd actually be more willing to be your GF if you give her a gift, see my previous point about gifts.
     
  28. Khaleesi Moderator

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    I don’t think you should rely on a Christmas gift to seal the deal unless she’s vapid and materlistic and even then you don’t want someone agreeing to something like that just because you gave them a gift.

    Sometimes you have to put yourself in awkward situations. You should ask her the next time you see her.
     
  29. DemonDragonJ Your witchdoctor

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    I did not buy the gift, I had my mother knit it (although I did pay for the yarn, and it was nearly $70 in price), and she finished it several months ago.

    That is a good idea, except that I wish to be wearing one of my own sweaters that my mother knit for me when I present Lady J's sweater to her, so that she can see how nice they look and we can be wearing similar sweaters. On that day, I will be wearing my medieval clothing, and a modern knitted sweater would clash with such clothing, so that day will not work.

    What if I gave her the sweater at the next AANE pizza and game night, while wearing my own? However, I still would be waiting until I treat her to dinner and take her for a walk around a park in December to ask her to be my girlfriend.

    I am not fond of romantic series; I much prefer action-oriented stories.

    She certainly is not vapid and materialistic, but anything that I can do to influence her decision in my favor is very welcome.

    What do I do if she says that she does not wish to be my girlfriend? Should I ask her for her reason for saying so? Would it be acceptable to attempt to convince her to change her mind?
     
    Last edited: Oct 12, 2017 at 11:55 PM
  30. Khaleesi Moderator

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    You shouldn’t want to influence her desicion and especially not with gifts. She’s spent enough time with you to realize if she wants to have a romantic relationship with you or not. You want this to be as sincere and genuine as possible, a choice made from her own free will and feelings.
     

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