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Falling (Asuma and Kurenai)

Discussion in 'Naruto Fanworks' started by shiru, Oct 13, 2006.

  1. shiru

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    This is my fanfiction baby. I'm really shy of putting this up, to be honest. I would like some comments/opinions so I'm posting it here. Constructive criticism is welcome and appreciated!

    Link to story:
    Summary: If you get close to people, let if you make them special to you, you can lose them. This is a story about Asuma and Kurenai and awkwardness and friendship. And maybe, just maybe, something more.
    Rating: T for language and violence (so far)

    The fic also has bits of Kakashi, Gai, Team 8, and Team 10 love. It's kind of bittersweet in tone, I try not to let it get too sappy. I'd really like some feedback about what works and what doesn't. Is it too wordy? Do the characters think to themselves too much? Feel free to give me your thoughts! Thanks!

    I posted the first three chapters here on the forum, but since the chapters are long they will take two or three messages to get the whole thing up. Because of this, I think it's better for you to check the story out on if you want to read more, because it's more reader-friendly. However, the first bit is here for you to read as a teaser, I guess. I hope you like it.
     
    Last edited: Oct 15, 2006
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  2. shiru

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    I posted Chapter 16 today. Asuma and Kakashi in the jounin breakroom.
     
    Last edited: Oct 13, 2006
  3. InoSakuShine

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    I read Chapter 16 and I like it.
     
  4. shiru

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    Thank you! I'm glad you liked it. Did anything stand out as particularly good or bad? I was so nervous about writing so much Kakashi in ch. 16.
     
  5. shiru

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    Chapter 1 - a prologue of sorts

    a note from the author: I'm not sure how to introduce this, I hate author's notes, but I don't want this to seem strange. Each chapter here will be a little bit different. This is intended to read like a series of snapshots in which you can feel time passing. Some of the chapters are from Kurenai's POV and others are Asuma's. At the beginning of the chapter the name of the speaker is given so it should be easy to understand. Some chapters may be in present tense while others are past. Some might be poetry. I will try my best not to let it come off as haphazardly slapped together. Please feel free to give feedback and tell me what you think. Thank you.


    * * *

    Falling
    a prologue of sorts

    * * *

    A rose begins as a tiny bud, not much more than a bump on the sprig it is growing on. You may not even notice it at first. As time passes and it soaks up the heat of the sun, it becomes more and more noticeable. The green peels back to show a bit of color, and you can now see the petals as they form and take shape. Inside, something amazing is happening. Amazing, and yet so completely ordinary that none of us stop to think about it much.

    The bud will grow and change as each new day comes. Its petals begin to unfurl and open. A rose goes through many stages of bloom on its way to full maturity, and each stage is charming in and of itself. A full-blown rose is considered by many people to be the most beautiful of all flowers. Sometimes, indeed, they are heartbreakingly beautiful. Maybe it is because of this that the rose is considered a symbol of love.

    Yet the rose was a bud once. The rosebud is a symbol of friendship.

    This is a story about Asuma and Kurenai and how they became friends.
     
  6. shiru

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    2 - a walk in the rain, Kurenai

    a walk in the rain
    Kurenai

    * * *

    It is dark by the time Team 8 and I are done with the day's mission. We have spent an entire day in the woods behind the village. Apparently the arrival of spring calls for some cleaning up to be done. We were chosen to pick up litter along the paths.

    Yeah, the life of a shinobi sure is exciting. But I am okay with that. I don't want to put these kids in danger before they're ready. They're not ready yet. They have much to learn still.

    I congratulate Kiba, Hinata, and Shino on a job well done and remind them not to be late for training tomorrow. They appear pretty worn out, and I hope they all get good rest tonight. I'm feeling rather worn out myself. Yet they get to scamper on home. I get to go file our paperwork.

    I watch them go, studying their behavior. Kiba is trying to talk Shino into grabbing a bite to eat. Shino doesn't seem to be interested; not until Hinata joins in the asking, anyway. I smile as the three of them go off together. They're perfect. I chose these three because I felt they will work well together, better than the other teams. Synchronization will come easily for them. They could be friends. They could be family.

    My team fills in each other's gaps. They complement each other well. Kiba is all-out frontal action and toughness, yet he craves the others' approval and affection. Hinata will oblige and give that affection, but she must be treated gently before she will do so, which encourages Kiba to calm down.

    Shino's seriousness grounds Kiba well, and his strength allows him to hold up under the daily barrage of Kiba's roughhousing. Hinata and Shino are both quiet souls that tend to seek peace. They seem to find solace in each other's presence. Alone on a team with two Kibas, Hinata or Shino might be overpowered, overshadowed. This way, together, each of them can stand out in their own uniqueness.

    An early evening rain begins to fall. I hear myself hoping Hinata puts her hood up in the rain. If she gets sick, Kiba will be a handful without her around...

    Hinata is a lucky girl. I can say this in spite of the strangeness she experiences at home. Right from the start, it seems, she's got two brothers here on Team 8. We haven't been together long, but it is already obvious. Those two boys would do anything to protect her. They'd kill for her.

    She is a lucky girl.

    My hair is dripping by the time I reached the head office. The door in view, I hurry the last few yards across the grass. As I reach out for the handle, though, the door opens, smacking me squarely in the head. I stagger back a step, seeing stars.

    "Oh," a familiar low voice sounds in my ears. "Kurenai."

    My vision clears. I blink slowly. "Asuma." God, what a moron I probably seem. What kind of jounin walks into doors? He'll probably tell the others and they'll have a good laugh about it over a beer.

    Asuma is behind the door, ever-present cigarette dangling on his lower lip. He runs his fingers through his dark hair. "What are you doing here?"

    I rub the sore spot on my head and look away, embarrassed. The rain has probably washed my mascara down my face. It's supposed to be waterproof, but you know how that goes. It's likely in a big black mess and I'd really rather he didn't see me that way. I don't really want them-- the guys, the other instructors-- to think I'm vain, but hey, some of us need a little makeup. That's just a fact. "I'm doing my paperwork for today."

    "Oh," he replies, and there was a pause as if he is going to say more, but nothing follows. Maybe he hadn't meant to say anything more, and I had misunderstood. Or maybe he is searching for a good way to politely leave. I don't know what to say or do, so I opt for ducking under his arm and into the door.

    Once I am alone, I feel calmer. Paperwork tonight doesn't take quite as long as it usually does. This late, not many others are hanging around the office to chitchat. Sign, collate, file, and I'm in and out in a good ten minutes. Time to get myself home for a hot cup of coffee and some dinner. I can hear as I walk down the hall that the rain has grown louder. Thunder rumbles in the distance.

    I am not enthused at the prospect of getting soggy on the way home. I am so not in the mood for rain.

    As I turn the corner, I see a lone firefly in the dim light. It's Asuma, sitting there with that cigarette. I can't help staring at him. What's he doing just hanging around? Doesn't he have anything better to do than sit and read the paper in the head office?

    He stands to his full height when he sees me. It makes me feel slight in comparison. His build is very different from the average Konoha shinobi. Looking at him, you get an impression of strength and solidarity, as opposed to stealth and speed. It's strange, though... his size gives him an air of maturity-- but for the moment, his expression is incongruously boyish. He seems shy, almost, as he says, "Um, I'm sorry about the door."

    I rub my head ruefully, wishing we could forget about it. "No, it was me."

    He's looking at me funny, and I feel a bit of dread in the pit of my stomach. Some kind of question is coming. Some kind of question I'd really rather not hear.

    There are a lot of those, for me. So, how's your family? Want to go out for a drink sometime? What's with your eyes? Why don't you ever call? Come here often? Do you have a boyfriend? How did you make it to jounin, anyway?

    I am so not in the mood for questions.

    "Well, see you." I mutter something quick and turn to leave, hoping to make a quick getaway. I open the door and balk. Somehow, despite the fact that I am an articulate and intelligent adult member of the human race, I feel surprised to remember that it's pouring outside.

    Isn't that great? I get embarrassed, I seem to transform into a blithering idiot.

    I look in the big can by the door where there are usually spare umbrellas for people to use, but the can is empty. It's late, so everyone has probably already taken them all. Dammit. No quick getaway for me. I'll have to just make a dash for it.

    "Hey, Kurenai," I hear him say. "wait..."
     
  7. shiru

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    2 - a walk in the rain, Kurenai (part b)

    He crosses ahead of me and holds up his newspaper, offering me some shelter underneath. I must say I'm taken aback by this. I look up at him hard, wondering what's going on with him. Is he hitting on me? I am so not in the mood to be hit on.

    He opens his mouth and I cringe, trying to formulate some kind of cold retort in preparation for what I am sure will come next. But the line never comes. Instead he just smiles, his cigarette in his teeth, as he simply says, "Come on. I'll walk you."

    I have no idea what to make of this. Sure, it's nice, but... "No," I automatically decline. "I don't want you to go out of your way for me."

    He waves it away in a friendly manner. "Nah, it's on the way."

    I blink. "Asuma-- you don't know where I live."

    He visibly processes this piece of information, and then cracks up laughing. Not at me, just, laughing. Somehow the sound is compelling, good-natured. It's infectious, even. I find myself smiling. The smile becomes a chuckle. I realize, maybe he doesn't have an ulterior motive. Maybe he's just trying to make friends. I see, for a moment, how stupid I can get when I try to put too much thought into things.

    His laughter is low and warm and it seems to bubble right up from inside of him, overflowing into the air. I decide in that moment that if he and I were ever to become friends, I'd want to hear that sound every day. There's something real about it.

    So I join Asuma under the newspaper. We set out across the fields, together. The rain patters down on the paper above our heads. He takes a deep drag of the cigarette. In the humid air the smoke hangs heavily around us. He looks up at the drizzling sky. "So... how do you like it so far? Teaching?"

    "It's good, I like it." I answer. "I like my team."

    "Any troubles or anything?" he asks, with a note of polite concern.

    "No, not really. The kids work well together. They're getting to know each other." There may be some troubles later, though. I can already sense somewhat of a rivalry developing between the two boys...

    He nods and scratches his beard, thoughtful. "That's good." I wonder if the other instructors are expecting me to have trouble. I'll show them, I tell myself.

    "What about your team?" I ask, with forced civility.

    "My kids all know each other already," he admits. "The problem is getting them to quit squabbling and work together."

    "Ah." So he wasn't trying to suggest I'm the only one with trouble on my team. I think of his group, the Ino-Shika-Chou of this generation. I wonder if perhaps he is having the same problem I am? I try to picture Nara Shikamaru and Akimichi Chouji trying to one-up each other, and the idea just does not compute. "Somehow I can't imagine either of those boys picking fights."

    He chuckles at this. "It's not the boys who're the problem."

    "Oh!" Well, that's a completely different story altogether. I remember Yamanaka Ino, the blonde with the sharp blue eyes.

    "Ino," he sighs, sounding tired, "Can be kind of... difficult. She has to have her way, or else."

    I try to think of the positive. "She seems to be a very confident girl." A girl like Ino wouldn't have to be cajoled into things, like Hinata does.

    "Seems to be," he agrees. He looks away, then says solemnly, "I'm not too sure about what's beyond that."

    I find this very interesting. None of my teachers were ever particularly sensitive to the inner workings of the mind of the teenage girl. I wonder how different I might be if they had been. I wonder if I'm doing okay for the boys. I hope I am. Will there be things I won't be able to help them with? What will happen in their lives in the next three years?

    We have reached the edge of the village now. The rain has driven people indoors and the streets are fairly quiet. We make our way through the streets, stepping over overflowing gutters. Suddenly, Asuma says, with a smirk, "You know, she wanted to be on your team."

    I balk. "What!" Why me?

    Asuma grins, holding his cigarette in his teeth. "The first day we were assigned to our teams, I went to go meet the kids. Ino walked right up to me and told me she hated me, she hated my guts, and she wanted to be with 'The Sexy and Cool Kurenai-sensei' and that she would never, ever get over the disappointment."

    Sexy and Cool? "What on earth?" My face turns about three shades of red. I'm not sure if he's teasing me or not. It's embarrassing for me to hear him say that, even if he's quoting someone else.

    Asuma gives a good-natured laugh. "I know. But that's so Ino."

    "What did you do?" I want to know. "I mean, what do you say to that?" I have no idea what I would say. I'd be completely out of my element, dealing with a girl like that.

    He adjusts the paper over my head, trying to cover us better. "Well, I just told her, all right, if she could spar me and get one good hit in, then fine. She could go be on whichever team she wanted."

    I gape at him, astonished. "You can't just say things like that. I mean, what would you have done if she had?"

    Asuma shakes his head, calm and sure in contrast to my worry. "She couldn't have."

    "How do you know?" I furrow my brow, skeptical.

    "I just do." I don't understand what he means, and he gives he a lazy grin. "Defense is my thing. And strategy. And attacking like a blind boar is something that seems to run in the Yamanaka family."

    I feel amused. He really knows his kids. "I see." I'm curious now, though, about his fighting style. "Defense, huh?"

    He blinks and stares back at me. Maybe it's because I'm too used to hearing Gai at our meetings, but I expect him to make some kind of challenge. I know they're all wanting to test me, the rookie teacher. I'm up to it, though-- I'll show them. I wait for it, but he doesn't spout off any lines. He looks uncomfortable under my scrutiny. "What?" he asks, possibly irritated.

    "You don't jump at the chance to fight," I observe.

    He looks away. "No. I don't." There is a bitter note in his voice. I decide I like it. Somehow a person who knows the true weight of violence seems so much more valuable to have around, to me.

    "It's... refreshing." So different from most of the men I meet.

    "Is it?" he questions. I nod duly. "Thanks," he says. He doesn't sound like he's sure if it's something to be proud of.

    I decide I like that, too.

    We have reached my apartment building. I point to the doorstep. "Here's my place."

    "Hm? Oh, right. Well." He watches me leave him, watches me take out my keys. I'm not sure what to say, as usual, so I opt for unlocking the gate. His face darkens for a moment. He turns to go. "See you."

    Wait. Was he... blushing?

    "A-Asuma," I call to him, without thinking. I feel kind of happy. I'm glad to be dry. I feel warm and I feel pleased and it is awfully nice to have talked to another grown-up for a while. "Thank you."

    His smile is ready and real. He nods and turns to go, cigarette smoke trailing behind him. "Anytime."
     
  8. shiru

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    3 - a walk in the rain, Asuma

    a walk in the rain
    Asuma

    * * *

    I was just finishing up my paperwork for the day. My neck was killing me. The kids and I had been training today at the practice grounds, and Ino had wanted to show me her new "Ino Super." Apparently the "Ino Super" is a rapid high kick to the head. Nice of her to warn me. That's Ino for you-- but, even as my neck was cracking back into place, she was waiting to hear some praise from me.

    That's pretty cool. They're all cool kids.

    So anyway, now I was dirty and sweaty and ready to go home and get a hot bath and hit the sack. Plus I think I was on my last cigarette. So, like a dumbass, I bust out the front door of the building, only to hear a really sickening bump.

    I catch the door, surprised, and look around. "Oh, Kurenai..."

    There she is, standing there, rubbing her head. I bashed her in the head with the fricking door. Great. She's going to think I'm a complete boor. What kind of man goes around hitting women with doors?

    She is wet from the rain. It trickles in droplets down her hair, settling onto her pale cheeks. Her lips are flushed, probably from the cold. She blinks, her dark lashes flutter, and her eyes focus on me for just a split second. I'm no connoisseur of women or anything, but she's pretty. I don't think she wears makeup. If she does, she doesn't really need to.

    I suddenly become painfully aware of how I probably smell after running around after three kids in the woods all day. I run my fingers through my hair, which I'm sure is a complete mess.

    "Asuma." Kurenai glares at me, rubbing her head, and looks away in distaste. I feel terrible. She's the newest jounin teacher, and the only woman out of all of us. I have to say I feel kind of sorry for her, thrown in with guys like us-- Me, and Kakashi, and Gai. I felt kind of like I should try to make her feel welcome. So I smack her with a door?

    "What are you doing here?" I hear myself say. As if there were any question. As if it were any different from the reason I was here myself.

    "I'm doing my paperwork for today," she explains, as if she had to sound it out. She must think I'm a real genius.

    "Oh," is all I could think of by way of reply. I should apologize for hitting her with the door. I should ask if she was all right, but I couldn't think of how. I didn't want to insult her pride. How do these things work, anymore? How do you treat a woman who could most likely toss you in seconds flat?

    I am trying to say something, anything. Suddenly her eyes dart off to the right and she ducks under my outstretched arm, inside the building. I watch as her go as she rushes off down the hall. I was too slow.

    But the upside of being slow is, I'm also patient. I sit and read the newspaper and wait for Kurenai to come out. When she does, she looks surprised to see me. I fumble about for how to start. "Um, I'm sorry about the door."

    Her hand goes to her head. "No, it was me."

    Are you okay? I wonder. I look at her with concern. She seems embarrassed by this so I figure that the best thing to do is let it go. There is an awkward pause.

    Her eyes dart back and forth. She has such strange eyes, deep and crimson-red, like the color of wine. She doesn't let anyone look into them, though. She has a habit of constantly shifting her gaze around her surroundings. This gives her the look of someone who fears attack from all sides. It reminds me somehow of a scared rabbit. It makes me feel sad.

    Kurenai nods to me, business-like. "Well. See you," and with that she turns to go. But as she opens the door she is greeted by the steady rain, which has not let up.
     
  9. shiru

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    3 - a walk in the rain, Asuma (part b)

    "Hey, Kurenai," I say, without thinking, "wait..." I step outside ahead of her and hold the newspaper up to block the rain for us. She turns, surprised. Those eyes are looking up at me, wide, curious. I swallow hard, and forget what I was thinking about before. I have to search for it again. Oh yes-- "Come on, I'll walk you."

    She purses her lips. She is going to say no, I know it. She doesn't seem like she particularly enjoys being social. I'm sure she has better things to do anyway. I feel dumb for even asking.

    "No," she demurs. "I don't want you to go out of your way for me."

    "Nah, it's on the way."

    She doesn't miss a beat. "Asuma-- you don't know where I live."

    I realize this and can't help laughing. It's so funny to me, more funny than it should be probably. How stupid I can get when I try to put too much effort into things. She stands there and looks up at me, and in a moment or two, the corner of her mouth quirks up into a little smirk, then a genuine smile spreads across her face for a split second.

    And we both stand there and have a good chuckle at ourselves. Like idiots. Her laughter is light and sweet, and rings out like silver notes down the empty hallway. But it is over much, much too briefly. I decide in that moment that if she should let me be her friend, I will try to hear that sound again as often as I possibly can.

    I hold the newspaper out for her and she falls in step with me. We set out across the fields, together. The rain patters down on the paper above our heads. "So... how do you like it so far? Teaching?"

    She looks off into the distance, peeking out from under the paper. "It's good, I like it. I like my team." She doesn't follow this comment up with any extra elaboration. She's the perfect teacher for the Hyuuga girl, I think, and the Aburame boy as well. They're quiet ones, from what I gathered.

    "Any troubles or anything?" I'm wondering how she handles the boy with the dog, that Kiba. He seems like a rough one.

    She shakes her head. "No, not really. The kids work well together. They're getting to know each other."

    I nod slowly. "That's good."

    "What about your team?" she ventures. Her voice when she speaks is very soft.

    "My kids all know each other already," I tell her. "The problem is getting them to quit squabbling and work together."

    "Ah." She looks thoughtful. "Somehow I can't imagine either of those boys picking fights."

    I chuckle as I lead us around a rather large mud puddle. "It's not the boys who're the problem."

    "Oh!" She looks amused at this.

    "Ino," I sigh, "Can be kind of... difficult." Understatement of the year. So far since becoming a genin, Ino has gone from kicking and screaming to constant nagging and then back to kicking and screaming again almost every other day. "She has to have her way, or else."

    "She seems to be a very confident girl," Kurenai says.

    "Seems to be. I'm not too sure about what's beyond that." I have a suspicion that a lot of Ino's attitude comes mainly from lack of self-confidence. But, this being really early in the year still, it's hard to say.

    Kurenai looks thoughtful. We have reached the edge of the village, and overhangs from the shops help block the rain, which is a good thing. The newspaper is fairly soggy by now. We make our way through the streets, stepping over overflowing gutters. I grin and remember Ino's first tantrum. "You know, she wanted to be on your team."

    At this Kurenai's face turns an amusing shade of pale. "What!"

    "Ino," I tell her. "The first day we were assigned to our teams, I went to go meet the kids. Ino walked right up to me and told me she hated me, she hated my guts, and she wanted to be with 'The Sexy and Cool Kurenai-sensei' and that she would never, ever get over the disappointment."

    Now Kurenai blushes. "What on earth?" It's pretty funny seeing her react this way. I wonder how she can act so surprised, though, I bet she hears stuff like that all the time.

    I chuckle. "I know. But that's so Ino."

    "What did you do?" she mused. "I mean, what do you say to that?"

    I try to adjust the newspaper to cover her better. "Well, I just told her, all right, if she could spar me and get one good hit in, then fine. She could go be on whichever team she wanted."

    Red eyes turn up to me, astonished. "You can't just say things like that. I mean, what would you have done if she had?"

    "She couldn't have."

    "How do you know?" She gives me a disbelieving look.

    "I just do." When she doesn't seem to understand, I explain. "Defense is my thing. And strategy. And attacking like a blind boar is something that seems to run in the Yamanaka family."

    She smiles slowly. Slyly. I like the way it spreads across her face. "I see."

    I nod. One perfectly shaped eyebrow raises and she says, "Defense, huh?"

    I blink. Kurenai's expression has a look of competitive edge for just a second or two, or so I think. I may be mistaken. If I were more daring-- or less of a lazy ass-- I'd say something dashing, like: Care to try me?

    She is watching me carefully. Maybe she is waiting for me to pick up on the bait. I feel a little awkward under her gaze. "What?"

    "You don't jump at the chance to fight," Kurenai observes.

    "No. I don't." I never do.

    "It's... refreshing." She looks off into the distance, over the rooftops of the town. We turn a corner and head down a small back street. The residential buildings look pleasantly worn. Large streams dribble down from fire escapes above us, and I shift the newspaper to cover her better.

    "Is it?" I ask. She nods her assent. "Thanks," I reply. I'm not sure what else to say. I wonder what she means by that. Refreshing as opposed to what? Or whom?

    She looks up at me and her eyes are amused. "Here's my place."

    "Hm? Oh, right." I look up to see that we have stopped in front of a white plaster building of apartments. The windows are small and dark, the paint is peeling on the wooden trim. Ivy trails up the front walls and the entrance is blocked by a wrought-iron gate. That's nice, it must keep salesmen and stuff out. It looks like a safe enough place, anyway.

    Kurenai steps out from under my newspaper and crosses to the building's front door. The raindrops fall heavy on her damp hair. She takes out her keys but doesn't say anything else to me. I feel rude just staring at her while she unlocks her door, and I don't want her to feel like she has keep talking to me. "Well. See you," I give her a nod of my head and turn to go.

    "A-Asuma," she calls out. I turn my head to see her smile just a little at me. "Thank you."

    I'm glad that I got the chance to talk to her. She seems happy. It warms me, and I return her smile. "Anytime."

    I fold the wet newspaper up and deposit it in a trash bin around the corner. I head home for the night whistling, in the falling rain.
     
  10. shiru

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    So...

    Okay, so that's the first two chapters. On ff.net you can read up to chapter 16, as stated above. It's long, yeah.

    Um, what do you think? Does it suck? Is it boring? Is there anything I can improve? Are there any good or bad lines? What do you think of the characterization? I need some honest opinions. Sock it to me.
     
  11. Mushroom-Chan

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    I like it! ^.^ Keep writing! I've never seen this type of fan fic before.. No wait its called a pairing..... Stupidity strikes again for me.... I'm always striking stupidity.... I hope you keep on writng cuz I love it!!!! Oh yea I have fan fiction on FF.net too!
     
  12. shiru

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    Well, thank you. I will indeed keep writing! I have a lot in store for these two to endure (unfortunately for them I guess). This story is getting loooooong. But I try to keep it so that each chapter is something different. Hopefully the story doesn't drag.
     
  13. Mushroom-Chan

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    I wouldn't call it unfortunate.... Or the greatness of the story would be shorter.
     
  14. shiru

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    Well, anyway, thanks for reading.
     
  15. InoSakuShine

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    The first 2 chapters are great! Good job on them, but it was a handful to read. But you kept your writing clean and easy to read, too. I like it. :)
     
  16. shiru

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    Yeah, I agree. This format isn't the best for posting long chapters of an actual story imho. That's why I gave the link to the whole thing on ff.net. Thanks for the encouragement.
     
  17. shiru

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    Chapter 17 is now up.
     
  18. shiru

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    I put Chapter 17 up and then later changed it a little. Please check it out if you have time.
     
  19. shiru

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    about reviews

    I got this review for this story today in my inbox.

    "I don't think so, but most likely."

    Talk about WTF?! I have no clue what the person meant and the statement even contradicts itself. What happened there?

    Anyway, I would just like to thank the people from this forum who tried my story and reviewed to give feedback. I really appreciate your time. I know it's a long story, but I've worked hard on it and I'm glad that people are enjoying it.
     
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