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If you were in kishimoto's place, how would you have written Part 2?

Discussion in 'Konoha Library Archives' started by BattousaiMS, Oct 24, 2006.

  1. BattousaiMS Swordsman of Sorrow

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    After the series of dissapointments I been with Kishimoto in part 2 and end of part 1, I asked myself how would I have written these arcs if I were in his place. It also made me wonder that many of us may have had our own ideas so why not create a thread in which we could all tell our versions without making a 300 page essay (it means put it in short form).

    So start blasting your ideas!
    Here are some simple rules you must follow:
    - Short form (point form if possible).
    - Start from rescue Gaara arc and uptill the current arc.
    - Give a valid reason why you would change on the places you did (not cuz 'I AM A X(insert name of the character)TARD').

    (let's no bash each other's ideas please everyone is entitled to their opinions and views).


    Here is mine:

    Resuce Gaara Arc:
    - First thing I would like to change is that I would like the Gaara-Deidara battle to be prolonged a little bit. I the sense that I would like a round 2 in the battle, like Gaara waking up in the middle of Deidara and Sasori's little journy to Akatsuki cave and duking out a bit more.

    - Second I would kill the jinchuukiri die when their bijuu is taken away. I mean we really don't need this, Naruto was always proclaimed to this due to his sealing method. Instead I would rather have the user loses his power but then can be killed off if the baddies want too. In which case we drop the whole Gaara revival crap and have him rescued after Shukaku got extracted and Deidei and Sasori want to end his life.

    - Third I would put a bit more emphasis on the Kakashi-Naruto versus Deidara battle (a little bit more action, like a new jutsu from each group). WI would totally write the Naruto grows tails in Kn mode out and simply replace it with him being more violent as his time in KN mode prolongs.

    - Finaly, I would have Chiyo and Sakura battle Sasori like before but with atleast 1 more jutsu from Sakura and have Gaara help them via knowledge. With a similar ending that is Chiyo dies in the end.

    Spy arc (yeah i figured it's a better name then sasuke rescue 2 arc):
    - First of all, I would either make Sai into a girl or give some more space to someone like Ino, just to rub on Sakura to start showing abit more expression from her instead of her usual 'sasuke-kun/cry' modes of part 1.

    - I would have atleast a better face-off between Sai-Naruto and Team 10. Maybe showing a bit more weapon skills from Naruto since he did pull out a kunai instead of the usual KB for all purpose act.

    - Their small training I would keep it as it is, except for Naruto trying to rasengan (i mean seriously we had enough of in in the fillers). Have the Sasuke is a traitor comment a bit more elaborated, I think Sai being a girl would have helped alot here.

    - When they do face off against Orochimaru and Kabuto, I would again cancel out the tail crap and simply have Naruto go more wilder attacks with less and less restraints. Have Sakura involve more like a little 1 hit medic vs. medic battle. Same results in the end of the battle.

    - I would totally kill the base camp shit and just make it a small gathering place for Oro's troups. I would also have Yamato send a pigieon to Konoha before going in it, cuz that's the logical thing to do.

    - I would keep the Sai bg story the same except for him easily believing into the Naruto way. It's more fun to have her this way. I would also have the Sasuke versus new Team 7 face off, but skip the crappy Kyuubi part. Did i mention I would make Sasuke look less gay?

    - As for the ending of the battle, well maybe a little bit more action, but basically the same ending that is Naruto is too hurt from his Oro fight to be a power, Sakura having more courage but possibly more scared by the new Sasuke, I mean why not pull a genjutsu on her and have her cancel it but still be affraid of the evilness that has consumed him? Sai being more bitchy about how she felt she had Sasuke in her grasp. Sasuke without Naruto in the fight actively would be towering on Sai and Sakura while Kabuto will match up against Yamoto and Orochimaru will do some of his MJ remarks (u really don't want one of the main vilans to be serious when he is not in his final battle or credible battle).

    - Finally I would have both group escape with a small Konoha force vs. Sound force action. Sai would be arrested, but before doing so she would redeem herself a bit like say taking a blow for one of her teammates showing us that although she may not like Sasuke she honors the role of a team player. This would further complicate NaruSai relationship, cuz now he can't really hate him since she is a team player, just doesn't share the same opinion on Sasuke.

    - I want Danzou hunted but the guy manages to elude Konha forces and officially defects to Orochimaru side, but given Danzou's small plan to eliminate Sasuke to have more shared power, Orochimaru treats him the old 'there is no friendship among thieves' in the sense that he takes Danzou's force but gives Danzou on a silver platter to Konoha while making Danzou's ANBU believe that there master got caught by accident in his twisted way.

    Bounty Arc (or current arc):
    - First, I will cut the crap of Naruto not knowing the nature and shape of jutsu thingy to simply him not knowing that the Rasengan wasn't orginially the final jutsu the 4th wanted when he created and thus sending him to finally make out what the 4th wanted.

    - I would also add in that Naruto most likely knows fire, earth and wind manipulations but not at the level to create 'that' jutsu. So the wind training is more like a advanced training to gain that knowledge.

    - Asuma would be helping him, by showing the difference between a regular win and an A rank wind attack (aka Asuma shows off).

    - I would have Asuma team face of against Hindan and Kakuzu, but with more action like Asuma trying that power move on Hidan once Shika temporary decursed him. Of coz Hidan wouldn't die but would be seriously injured then repaired by Kakuzu.

    - The struggle will last a bit more, where we get to see Asuma shine more, but Hidan ultimately wining in the end due to the first blow he inflicted on Asuma.

    - Kakuzu would kill the two dimwits or atleast Kotetsu for being a moron. Hidan would be severly damaged and finally die via the coalition of Team Aoba. Asuma would also die ala 283 (now that he had his shining moments it's okay). Kakuzu escapes.

    - We get a nice farewell to Asuma in his funeral, learn a bit more with the msyerious link with Kurenai (the baby?) and so on. Kinda get the hard side of trying to build a family ala shinobi.

    - Naruto finally achieves to build a wind jutsu with the Rasengan, but it isn't really the one the 4th intended, so he will be back to the drawing board but will have this one to play with for the moment (kinda like Chidori --> Raikiri thing with Kakashi).

    This is mine so what is yours?
     
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  2. Thorn Fully Awesome

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    You lost me when you said something about Sai being a girl. You suck. =(
     
  3. The Pink Ninja Infamous Cocksucker

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    Sakura's outfit would have been smaller/tighter.

    Apart from that I can't really say. Everything would ahve been too different if I'd done it.
     
  4. caius Member

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    It seems like you just want a completely different character than Sai. Part of his character is that his emotional growth was stunted by ROOTS. Even with a gender swap Sai would not be so quick to follow Naruto's way of thinking. Part of the appeal for me was seeing the mask start to crack and his attempts at reintegrating into casual society. Sai being so open to Naruto's way of life conflicts with that.
     
  5. R3dKeyz New Member

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  6. Shogun <marquee><font color='dark blue'>Standing Still</f

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    for fuck sake tayuya, why?
     
  7. The_Leader Nope, not here!

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    First off: That picture is bannable, Tatyuya.

    In a lazy manner: Make everything better.

    Elaborating on that......

    Well, the only really sore spot was Penis arc, just about all of it.

    Cut out the whole Naruto and Sai interaction. It didn't work, and Sai utterly sucked as a character. Yes, rewrite as a girl, do not have her saying penis all the time, do not have her claiming that she's emotionless, try to be original and fresh about a unoriginal concept. Do not push the whole ''I'm so SAD and ANGSTY but I have NO EMOTION'' issue, we know. Make her business like, and focused, but uncaring about anything else. Purely pragmatic, and not entirely stupid.

    Yamato: Better dialogue, and not so much as a pnj bridge to keep the story going.

    Sakura: Actually do something. Even if she gets pwned by Kabuto (which I would fully expect), do so with grace. For reference, Zoro vs. Mihawk.

    Naruto:.....I don't think we can get around the whole tails thing. It'll be annoying as fuck to people who claim that Jiraiya would have made Naruto a godly ninja without Kyuubi, but it has to be done. If we're going to focus on Naruto's human side, I'd rather have it done on manga paper than on off panel, thanks.

    Sasuke: The sharingan/Kyuubi stays. But he still does not go all out.

    Kabuto: Be somewhat competant and dangerous. Like Sakura, but keep style.

    To be quite honest, the Arc itself has the stigma of being .....a not-good idea. It would be very very hard to make it even half as good as the Chuunin Tournament or the Wave Arc. But to keep the story going, it has to be done.
     
  8. PradaBrada Banned

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    ^^goddammit, what did tayuya do?
    That was removed to quickly by Splintered..
     
  9. The Pink Ninja Infamous Cocksucker

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    By Spectrum actually...

    And it was a hentai fanart of Vegeta fucking Goku up the ass in a shower.
     
  10. Kojiro Ganryu Sasaki アルかわいい

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    Spammed the board with yaoi. DBZ characters having buttsex. nothx.

    Incidentally i believe her account was hijacked.
     
  11. PradaBrada Banned

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    oh my bad, Spectrum then.

    :oh ...
    In that case, I'm glad I missed it, and thank you Spectrum.
     
  12. Pyroneko 28 Member

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    D:
     
  13. Spanish Hoffkage Lol. Kisame

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    haha, Tayuya also posted that pic here :rotfl

    naruto need moar titties
     
  14. The_Leader Nope, not here!

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    Ah, so Naruto should be a hermaphrodite?

    That would make him the world's first ever! And even more unique, and since unique equals good, even better!
     
  15. sayam lurker

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    to start it all, I don't dislike pt2, acutally I love it, but there are things I like to make different.

    Kakashis bell test pt2


    This was good thing from the start but I would like to have been shown more new stuff from naruto. And I didn't really liked the ending, I wanted it to be more skillfull aproach then to just scream out some spoilers to the ero-book.

    Rescue Gaara arc

    One great arc we got there, Started of with gaara fighting deidara. A really clean fight couldn't have done that much better myself. The issue with that arc was naruto. Yup he shouldv'e shown more of his true skillz, But the arc wasn't about naruto that much anyway, so it didn't really matter. I didn't complain much in that arc.

    Sai, yamato, Sasuke and Michael Jackson arc

    Now this was the weak link in pt 2 IMO. Not that it was that bad but it could have been done much better. First off, The first encounter between Naruto and Sai, Yes the guy shouldv'e been a girl, it would make the penis jokes more pleasable. well anyway, the first encounter. Again Naruto shouldv'e pooned sai's butt (not a very serious battle though) and realized it was a female butt. I didn't like the "no emotional, but still emo" thing he had going on. At least he/she couldv'e just pretend he/she didn't have any. Yamato was great not much to say about that. Then I would like Sai to complicate the relationship with sakura and Naruto a bit by getting closer to naruto now that he is now a girl, what can I say I'm a sucker for triangle dramas, with sasuke not having enough screentime he does not give anything to the sakura-naruto-sasuke triangle. Ok KN4 for all kewlness points but it went to far IMO, Orochimaru got WTFPWND by it and it was great but that also meant that Naruto was going to be Sasuke's Bitch in the fight after. Not good, Yes he shouldv'e losed but not with that marginal.

    Wind Training arc

    Ok so Naruto is totally clueless about the elemental stuff. Wich gave Kishimato the oppartunity to fill us in on it. Bad thing that naruto was clueless, shouldv'e had konohamaru there or something just so the explanation would happen. or even better having naruto himself tell about it to konohamaru. All naruto couldv'e done was to say that he knew all about it but never had the time to learn it, then I would have been happy.

    Asuma team vs Akatsuki arc

    Loved everything about it, couldn't have done any better myself.
     
  16. PradaBrada Banned

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    As usual, your attempts at being funny fails...
    It's ironic, really.
     
  17. Brooke Logan B&B's heroine since 1987

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    I would keep everything the same except the following:

    -We'd learn more about Sai's background and the meaning of those scenes in his artbook.

    -There'd be more hints that Hidan is Sai's brother, because in my perfect world he'd BE Sai's brother!

    -Someone like Kotetsu and Izumo would have been the sacrificial lambs to show off Akatsuki's power/fulfill the need to show that "good" ninja die, not just "bad" ninja, instead of Asuma. I'm sure Asuma had a bigger fanbase than those two. (they could have died together, too, it would have been cute, they're always together)
     
  18. Kaiox Title below lies, I hate kids

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    yeah, I'd make Sai more business to the point where the reader GETS the point that he has no emotions. Let the readers figure out his character by themselves. they shoudl be smart enough.

    Gaara should have stayed dead. His revival was a complete copout.

    The Sasuke Fight: make it longer. I want more action. This event has been hyped up and all I see is "Sasuke fast" + "Nagashi" I want to see MORE. Have Naruto's weakened state by adjusting to lack of Kyuubi more emphasized. Have weakened Naruto and Sai try and go at Sasuke and get them both knocked over. Sakura tries to attack Sasuke with her massive punch, misses and shatters a giant boulder. Naruto and co get up AND THEN Chidori Nagashi hitting ALL of Team 7. Make the Sasuke fight longer please. Thanks.

    Asuma Arc. Have Koitetsu and Izumo help out a bit more. make this fight more interesting. Make Asuma's death more heroic. More cool Taijutsu please.

    will post more when I feel like it.
     
  19. Gyroscope the flavin and the mavin

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    Naruto's Kyuubi tails was an integral part in the story and serves to further develop Naruto's character and an important aspect of his life.......and you want to take that out :\
    Similarly i believe the Sharingan-Kyuubi relationship is another integral part of the story which will prove to be very usefull later on to develop the Naruto-Sasuke relationship.....and again you want to take that out :\

    Of course there is a lot more i could critique in your take on Naruto (namely the degradation of naruto as a character overall and making him extremely bland *Ichigo*) but i didnt find them important enough.


    As for me -

    I'd make it so Jinchuurikis never really died but make it more so that Deidara hurts Gaara really bad to piss Naruto off even more. Which then leaves Gaara in a very critical state.

    Team Gai's fight with their clones would be fleshed out more...would be adjusted with shortening the Sasori fight.

    Less PnJ in the Sasori fight. A little shorter...I'd probably have him kill himself far earlier..instead of wasting pages with horrible plot devices.

    Chiyo's jutsu wont bring a dead person back to life. It's a crux jutsu used to transfer a portion of your life force to another to heal them from what could be fatal wounds (thereby lowering your lifespan a little). In this way i'd have her surpass Tsunade in a way (think Dan).

    Sai would have a better dress sense. Maybe a different past. But leading to something similar to what Kishi did in that he wants to save Sasuke for Naruto.

    Oro-Kyuubi fight would be as is. Sasuke-Team 7 fight would be slightly changed. I'd have Sakura actually speak to Sasuke (i find it strange that after the long ass speech she gave him before he left...she stays mute when she finally meets him). I'd also have her use a few jutsus and impress Sasuke (concerning her growth).

    As far as the Asuma fight is concerned i'd have made Asuma's part a bit more flashy. Something to live up to his name. All the while Hidan is completely taking the fight for granted right until Kakuzu starts giving him a lecture. Hidan getting completey irritated at hearing the same old crap over and over again, gets serious and completely destroys Team Asuma. Bandage Nose and Hair guy are torn in two, Asuma fights a bit longer but all his efforts prove useless as Hidan focuses on Shikamaru (who is out of chakra). Asuma manages to take a hit while saving Shikamaru and Hidan stabs himself in the hopes of killing Asuma once and for all. Shika is about to be killed when Aoba's team intervenes. And the rest would be as it is now. Kakuzu doesn't interfere in the fight at all. Hidan doesnt lose his head. Konoha is furious and Tsunade has finally realised just how much a threat the red clouds are.


    A few minor changes here and there, without greatly impacting the actual story. Ofc, the best work is what Kishi is writing anyway, but these are just something i would have liked to see happen.
     
  20. The_Leader Nope, not here!

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    So a member of a fanclub that's in of itself, a bad joke, calls upon someone else making a bad joke.....

    What do I say?

    Ah, those were the words! Thanks for the help my friend, there's hope for you yet.
     
  21. Sariachan shadowy_blue no neechan

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    Mhh.. interesting thread... here you are my two cents... ;)


    -Gaara arc-
    Imho this was perfect. Before the time-skip I was hoping for a mission that Naruto and Gaara had to do together for some reasons (I wanted more interaction between these two characters, because part 1 implied but never showed it); Kishimoto did even better!
    I don't mind Gaara's revival either: it was perfectly done, and one of the best moment in the whole manga.

    -Sai arc-
    At first I hoped/thouht that Sai was a woman, but at the end it's better this way. I wouldn't change anything in this story arc either, but I would have had a short mission of some sort at the end of it, to show the new team 7 in action. Maybe we'll see this in the near future, though.

    -Asuma Arc-
    This is the only arc in which I didn't like something... and not, it isn't Asuma's death. ;__;
    I didn't like how Kishimoto wrote Shikamaro's role in the battle against Hidan: what Shika managed to understand about Hidan was too obvious and didn't make him look like the genious he actually is. Other than that, the story arc isn't really ended yet so I can't say more for now.




    P.S. I would change Ino's outfit, it the only one I don't like among the new ones.
     
  22. Stalin Banned

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    no, cause i would suck at it
     
  23. cygnus Ta Det Lungt

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    I think Gaara should have survived, but yeah, less revival from the dead and more unlikely recovery from reasonably critical injuries.

    The Sasuke fight should have been longer and Naruto should have at least been close to even (neither REALLY going all out) UNTIL the injuries caught up with him. He basically did that backflippy thing and stopped dead. Lame.

    And yeah, the whole Naruto has an IQ of 3 thing undermining Jiraiya's training methods. There were better ways to explain the elemental/spatial transformations. I think he should have flashed back to Jiraiya's training where Ero-sennin would have explained it to him.

    He's not THAT dumb.


    ps I was worried that he was going to go, "OH, I get it, its a Mystery Transformation!!"
     
  24. Zhang_Fei Pocky

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    Basically what everyone said above, you can't take out kyubi tails and sasuke kyubi part (that's obviously going to be really important) and overall it was well done just the Sai arc sucked.

    Sasori fight a tad shorter. His ultimate jutsu should have been 50 puppets not 100. That was a bit overboard for me. Fix gaara's death, either leave him dead or make it unlikely recovery from reasonably critical injuries.

    Sai arc - Naruto looks incredibly weak in this arc, he gets pawned by Sai and then unleashes KN4 only for us to learn that KN4 is bad. Getting pawned by Sasuke is important, but I don't see why he should get pawned by Sai. Dunno about making Sai a girl or not, I'm not sure how that would change the dynamics, but make Sai more business like. Take out the penis jokes - they weren't funny, just annoying. And give him normal clothes. Having Yamato at least send a pigeon asking for reinforcements is pure common sense, it was stupid for him to try to infiltrate the base with just Naruto and Sakura.

    Asuma arc - what Battousai said, have Asuma help with the training of Naruto. "Asuma would be helping him, by showing the difference between a regular win and an A rank wind attack (aka Asuma shows off)." And yah Naruto having a flashback to Ero-sennin explaining stuff, have some stuff explained by Kakashi.

    And then have him shine a bit more in his fight, maybe combine a katon and a futon together (ash cloud + whirlwind) = flaming tornado. This jutsu should leave asuma half-dead with ripped clothes besides severe burns all around. That would explain why he sucked so much afterwards, he was severely beat up from the beginning.
     
  25. Supa Swag Active Member

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    The only thing I have a problem with is the whole Sasuke/Sai arc. I would have either made Sai a girl or erase the character completely.
     
  26. Elfberserker Member

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    GAARA ARC:

    In Gaara arc I would have removed Team Gai clones and let Gai,Lee,Sakura and Chiyo fight Sasori and Naru,Tenten,Neji and Kakashi fight Deidera...

    Also I would chance revival-no-jutsu, so while it still brings its target back to world of living, it would also leave them at critical state...

    SAI ARC:

    First of all I would gave Sai normal shirt or jacket. I would only use Penis joke when he meets Naruto and in the bath.

    Also when he is in Sasuke room he would hesitate will he try to kill Sasuke or not, however he tries to kill Sasuke.
    That would show that Naruto has affected him, however he is still confused should he follow Danzou or Naruto and hopefully becomes himself while taking some habits or traits from Naruto and Danzou hopefully making him "grey" character.

    ASUMA ARC:
    First of all I would switch squad members so, instead of pinky and brain Ino and Chouji will take their place in team Asuma..

    When Kazuku has repaired Hidan and Ino and Chouji charge against him I would make fight little bit longer and I wouldn?t use that candy jutsu, Of course Kazuku will defeat Ino and Chouji but they will show their stuff which shows that they have improved dramatically from par1..
     
  27. Futagokage Runaway Kage

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    I would left Asuma Arc and Gaara rescue arc as they are, the first one because is to early to say (maybe Kotetsu and Izumo are going to have a great fight later, or the fact killing one would less Asuma's death impact), and I like the Gaara rescue arc as it, just hoping that in the anime they do not censor Kankurou and Team Gai's fights. (Seeing episodes of fight is fun).

    I kept Sai as a it is, except for the gay cloths, i feel that the penis jokes are important to show the character lack of social composture and manners, also I feel Sai was made to hate him and latter like him, I would not take the character until see his final development.
     
  28. Daenerys Stormborn Mother of Dragons Advisor

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    Rescue Sasuke Arc
    -Sai's turnaround from "emotionless assasssin" to "determined to help Naruto retrieve Sasuke" seemed to happen too fast. It was like, in the space of 10 seconds, Sai suddenly realizes the importance of bonds. I would have had Sai's change of heart happen in a more gradual and believable way.

    Team Asuma vs. Hidan and Kakuzu
    -My only real problem with this fight was that a character as cool as Asuma really should have had a more heroic death. He really didn't get to do much cool stuff before being killed. I would have had him summon Enma, or perhaps use some super-powerful wind jutsu like the one Temari used to finish off Tayuya.
     
  29. BattousaiMS Swordsman of Sorrow

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    SOme explanations on my changes:

    Kyuubi Tails: I don't mind the mental change that occurs by each transformation but I think we could have skipped the tail shit cuz let's face it it was GAY. This isn't a monster story so why should people transform into monster? Not to mention that I think given that most of the Naruto audience must be 12+ they don't need all the physical evidece to show that a guy is not in control of his emotions. So yeah let Naruto be wild and angsty but cut the tails and leave him in KN form. I just think the concept was childish.

    Sai being a girl: The reason I wanted Sai to be a girl is because we need to spark some atoms within team 7 and a contreversial girl Sai would do a much better job then the male one. For one, the girl version gives us a new rival for Sakura in terms of power competition she really hasn't had one all along the series. Also by making this Sai the total opposite of Sakura, i.e. dark, ruthless and emo who hates Sasuke, but still believe in team values would put Sakura with plenty of migrains cuz now you can't bitch about a person who's biggest default seems to be that she hates Sasuke. For Naruto the same thing occurs on top of which he has a the gender problem that is, given that she is a girl, will he hit her (violence not smex ppl)? Kinda plays on your gentlemen behavior a dillema would make their interaction more intersting because now he ccan't just resort to violence. Also I got no problem with her art part (I don't recall chagining it either).

    PS: Why is there only 3 ppl posting their versions? Comeone people I know there are more then that out there.
     
  30. Blue Well-Known Member Supporting Staff Retired Staff

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    I agree, I thought Sai was simply a horrible character - he reeked of bad fanfiction, except he was canon. D:
    I'd have rewritten Sai. Other than that, it's been brilliant, I couldn't improve on it.
    And I'd have killed Kabuto. But that's not a problem I have with the plot, just a personal preference. Then again, he might be important later. Oh well.
     
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