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Itachi and the Mangekyou Sharingan Exposed! - The One Theory that Explains EVERYTHING

Discussion in 'Naruto Theories' started by Nibi Nekomata, Dec 2, 2005.

  1. Nibi Nekomata Certified Cat Napper

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    Why did Itachi murder the Uchiha clan? Why did he join Akatsuki? Is he really going blind? Is killing your best friend the ONLY way to receive the Mangekyou Sharingan?

    Believe it or not, all of these questions can be answered with ONE explanation. That's right folks, everything about the Uchiha in ONE complete package.

    That answer? Syphilis

    Yes folks, syphilis. But before I continue, allow me to elucidate.

    Syphilis is a sexually transmitted disease (STD) caused by the bacterium Treponema pallidum. "In its late stages, untreated syphilis, although not contagious, can cause serious heart abnormalities, mental disorders, blindness, other neurological problems, and death."

    How does this explain anything, you ask? Let's start at the beginning, shall we.

    No one expected that underneath the dignified fa?ade of the Uchiha clan lurked a dark secret. When Itachi found out from Uchiha Shisui that the entire clan was infected with the dangerous disease he lashed out violently, killing him. Through the emotional turmoil of discovering the Uchiha secret, Itachi developed the Mangekyou Sharingan. Unfortunately Itachi was already beginning to suffer from tertiary syphilis, a rare extension of the regular disease which can lead to "mental illness and blindness". The Mangekyou Sharingan served to speed up the development of Itachi's dementia, which eventually caused him to massacre his clan for their shameful inability to use safe sex. Sasuke was spared because Itachi saw him as a victim, like himself, of the sexual indiscretions of their parents.

    By that point, as a result of the deteriorating effects of the syphilis, Itachi was and remains quite insane. The syphilis is now also causing him to go blind.

    What does this mean? It means that Sasuke's decision to run off to Orochimaru was not unexpected; he was probably beginning to suffer from the first signs of tertiary syphilis. It may be that syphilis is also linked to the Sharingan in some way. The only people who seem to be able to obtain the Mangekyou Sharingan seem to be those showing signs of tertiary syphilis. Why then did Itachi tell Sasuke the only way to obtain it was to kill your best friend? Simple. If you were batshit insane from syphilis, you would say crazy things too!

    Now you know the truth children. Uchiha Itachi is not merely a homicidal sociopath (although he is that too), but also a devoted advocate for sexual health. I think that by including this character, Kishimoto-sensei is trying to send young readers everywhere an important message about abstinence that everyone should consider.


    (Just in case anyone couldn't figure it out, this theory is joke. Although it would be pretty funny if it were actually true.)
     
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  2. GSurge Brilliant Punk

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    This is just like string theory! Except it makes sense!
     
  3. Sasuke - The Avenger Member

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    I...LOVE...this theory!

    Dude. You're awsome. Twould be hilarious if it was true though, too.
     
  4. Takeru_Kamiya The Silver Destiny

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    I don't know if I love this theory or freaked out by it
     
  5. maya_slash Itachi are belong to me.

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    I sincerely hope you're kidding. XD. One thing you didn't explain. How did he caught syphilis himself? It's a sexually transmitted disease, and he was 13 at the time... Not that he didn't look hot enough to eat even at that age.
     
  6. Key #1

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    Are you trying to be funny?
     
  7. Nibi Nekomata Certified Cat Napper

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    If the entire clan had it, he would have it too. STDs can be transmitted by mothers during pregnancy as well.

    (But, um, dudes, check out the very bottom... Yeah, that's right.) :amuse
     
  8. Artuir RIP Jiraya :(

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    Further proof of my theory that the Uchiha clan was entirely comprised of yaoi-reading furries.

    Friggin' disgusting.
     
  9. earthshine Banned

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    yes, and he is succeeding.
     
  10. Alia_Atreides Mew...

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    That I would have never thought... :)
     
  11. Artuir RIP Jiraya :(

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    omg let's neg rep me because I think yaoi is disgusting

    omfg

    lmao

    c'mon let's pile it on, negative reps for me hating yaoi readers. you know you want to. And yeah, to respond to the idiot who actually did this, yes. I have something against yaoi, and probably something against you as well
     
  12. deathblaze Alchemy Save the Queen!

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    LOL this is funny shit
     
  13. Chamcham Trigger 光翼型近接支援残酷戦闘機“エヴァッカニア・ドゥーム

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    Wow that DID explain everything :amuse.
     
  14. Hiruma The King has Come!

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    This makes more sense than an apple dropping on a head. i.e. Alot.
     
  15. wolf la jingga Criminal By Instinct

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    That's so gonna make me puke..

    Syphilis.

    That's so original of you. Nobody would have guess it.

    Uchiha clan was attacked by Syphilis...
     
  16. Artuir RIP Jiraya :(

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    I still think this is the best thread ever made.
     
  17. Snickers Peanuts in your privates

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    Hmmm, interesting, that must mean akatsuki is not a fur-coat company like i have always thought, since itachi is a devoted advocate fighting against STD's,
    It all makes sense .
    Spoiler:
    Akatsuki is a mobile hospital fighting STD's, the jincuuriki must be spreading certain STD's with kyuubi(naruto) spreading the worst :amazed AIDS



    *Reps*
     
  18. snakeye123 Member

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    does that mean that when itachi trapped kakashi in the MS, he was injecting him for 72 hours with Syphilis????

    man, thats horrible.

    and thats how he got his MS - the high doesage of Syphilis made him absolutley and totally diseased, making him fuck up time and space

    the only way for sasuke to overcome itachi - invent a cure powerful enough to get rid of it for good (he should have gone with tsunade, not Oro!)
     
  19. Lord Itachi Uchiha God

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    Exactly... i think he's trying too hard.
     
  20. Blue Well-Known Member Supporting Staff Retired Staff

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    Jeeze, cry me a river of broken dreams and bitter tears.

    This IS funny.
     
  21. Sasori <font color="#8B0000">● GB Genius ●</font>

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    So the moral of the story? Use a condom =)
    *reps*
     
  22. snakeye123 Member

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    i for one love this post, and i actually looked up in wikipedia or whatever for the cure (going on from my last post about sasuke and itachi fighting

    "...and still most effective, method is to inject benzathine penicillin into each buttock (procaine is added to make the pain bearable); the dose must be given half in each buttock because the amount given would be too painful if given in a single injection..."

    from here, this is what i think for the nxt few chapters

    Spoiler:
    sasuke and naruto are going to have a chat now, and naruto will get sasuke back. in terms of revenge and killing itachi naruto will teach sasuke the 1000 years of pain "konohas lethal move" or whatever it was called

    then sasuke can have a needle in each hand (notice the two cases on his back in the last chapter - theres beed a discussion about that and ive solved it too!)
    and then sasuke will jump up and deliver a cure in each cheek.

    perfect
     
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