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Naruto: Samples of My work..Should I Continue?

Discussion in 'Naruto Fanworks' started by Sam88, Sep 25, 2005.

Should I Continue to write?

Poll closed Oct 15, 2005.
  1. Yes Go For It Mate!!

    5 vote(s)
    100.0%
  2. Mate, Nope! Makes Me Sick! go Home!

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  1. Sam88

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    Ok, Bran spankin' new to the Forum but been a Naruto fan for time! Here are some samples of my work. Tell me what you think and if i should continue to write!
    Cheers
    Sam

    Fan Fic Sample One: OC Cast: A Day on the Wind

    He stopped atop the wooden roofed house and gazed onwards. The refreshing breeze swept through the small garden. It was the kind of breeze that you get end of winter, early spring, a wind speckled with bitter cold but laced with new begginings and mild warmth, all in all, a refreshing breeze. The sweet smell of the flowers that lay neatly in the garden complement the peaceful atmoshphere. A single green leaf caught in the wind and whirled high into the air, rising above the small house and above its previous dewling, a grand oak tree, and high into the air, whirling and waving around, dancing with the sweet breeze almost tempting a harsher wind to carry it away. The mild morning sun caught the dancing leaf and shone on the quaint trimmed grass in the garden, sparkling off the morning dew.

    The clunk of feet broke the peacefulness as a young boy charged along the stone path up the middle of the garden, watched by his mother and the onlooking eyes above them. "Mommy watch!" he called as he mothers soft smile comferemd she was watching. The young silver haired boy began to charge towards the oak tree and leapt as high as he could, grabbing a low hanging branch he hoisted himself up to the tree and began to walk long the branches.

    The onlooker smiled, the innocence that surronded the small boy was rare in this village, something to be thankful for. The onlooker bowed his head slightly, not taking his eyes off the boy and sighed.

    The little boy quickly scaled along a branch, making sure not to get his new deep blue jacket caught in the smaller branches and leaves that surrounded him, likewise he carefully stepped over criss-crossing logs, not dare dirtying his cargo cream shorts, when it looked as if he found a suited postition he waved to his mother, then adopted a calm pose, he breathed deep and claspped his hands together, one a little higher than the other, both his fingers pointing straight up. A happy smile creapt on the boys face as he felt a serge of power in his feet, slowly he began to walk around the thick branch, untill his he was completly upside down with his feet firmly on the bottom of the branch.

    "Mommy! Mommy!" He called. The warm smile of his mother faded as she saw her son hung upside down on the huge tree.

    "Get Down! Kami! You'll hurt yourself!" she called the mask of worry clear. Kami, ignoring his mother began to turn around waving off his mothers warning. Suddenly he felt a surge of power flow through his left leg. The chakara forced from the bottom of his feet repelling off the tree branch with a huge 'crack' as if a bullet had been fired into the thick oak's branch.

    The boy lost his footing and slipped upside down, hurtling to the ground some twenty feet below. Kami screamed "Mommy!" as his mother reacted leaping from the door way towards her falling child.

    Kami closed his eyes. The howl of something cutting through wind over heard the scream of his mother, but Kami didn't hit the floor, instead he felt the embrace of a savior. His mother had fell silent. Slowly the boy opened his eyes, to see the face of a young sliver haired man. His eyes a beautiful green but his face hidden in a black mask. Kami gasped and glanced from his savior to his mother who also stood in shock to see a ninja in her garden.

    She took a step back, the feeling that she new the figure climbed into the pit of her stomach as he smiled, hidden under his mask. The three stood in silence for a few seconds, Kami in the arms of the savior ninja and his mother silently staring.

    The savior broke the moment placing Kami back on his feet and ruffling up his hair, but the young boy did nothing but stood wide eyed and speechless. "Hello.....Mother.." He finally said.

    "K-Kouji...is that you?" She said stepping towards the Ninja. He bowed his head and replied "It is me Mother.." She breathed deep and placed her hand on her sons chest then embraced, tears rolling down her cheek, "Your back...!" she whispered in disbelief. Kouji wrapped his arms around his mother, embracing her, then pulled her away and said "I am sorry for being away all this time. "

    The Ninja then turned to his younger brother and put his hand on his shoulder "And where did you learn that little brother?" he asked in a lighter tone. However Kami did not reply simply jumped up throwing his arms around his brother neck he burst into tears "Brother!" he yelled, "Brother! I thought you were never coming back!!"

    "Well...I Am now!" Kouji said as he turned to his mother, with his little brother in his arms and said "Lets go inside."

    Fan Fic Sample Two: Random Idea: Filler Arc
    Hinita breathed deep as she regained her fighting pose. One hand thrust forward, palm outwards, the other arched slightly above her head. Her left leg stretched out in front of her body, Toe pointed much like a dancer. Her right leg bent, accommodating her weight but at a slight angle to provide flexibility that would allow her to shift her stance and nimbly dodge oncoming attacks.

    Her pale lips quivered and her forward facing hand shook out of exhaustion.
    "Just a Little Longer.." She muttered, beginning to feel her body sway. " a little Longer.." she repeated.

    Seeing the dark figure rise from the floor a new found determination struck up inside the young Genin. She felt a serge of charaka pump through her body. A blue aurora surrounding her body.

    "Just a Little Longer!" She confidently told her self. Then, not a moment to soon she sprung into action running forward at great velocity, she neared her rising opponent. Hinita stopped around two paces between her and her opponent. Applying pressure on her left left she used the ball of her foot to elegantly twirl and with her right foot landed an awesome roundhouse kick, Flush with her shadowed opponents Jaw. The force of the kick sent the assailant flying through the air, but Hinta was not nearly finished with him. Surging more chakara into her angled legs she lept through the air like a flash. Meeting her arial opponent with a flurry of well placed finger strikes each one flashing in a blue blur as Hinita used her family given talents to hit the tenjitsu around her opponents heart. She managed to hit six or seven in total before both combatants hit the ground.

    Hinita landed on her feet, sweat pouring from her face. Her opponent landed flat on his back, unconscious the dust rising from the floor. Hinita allowed a proud smile before falling to her knees and bowing her head. It was over.

    Cheers Again!
    Sam!
     
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  2. Ah B

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    It isn't bad. If you have the spirit and will to write, then by all means go for it!
     
  3. Ruri

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    I like them both ~ you should definitely continue! :)
     
  4. Remy LeBeau

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    Pretty good, you are skilled in writing :)
     
  5. Vance

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    Keep on writing, your the next J.K Rowling
     
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