This is the first Naruto fic I?ve ever written. Unfortunately for you all, FF.net has the damn wait time before I can submit the fic, plus I kinda like it here ? so I guess I?ll place it in this forum first. Updates come often, so please check back often and tell your friends (or hated enemies if you like). The story takes place immediately after Gaara?s revival in the manga (chp 280). Even if you haven?t read the manga, as long as you have a general understanding of Naruto, it shouldn?t be too hard to follow. Enjoy The Pervert Ninja: An Epic Tale PART I Prologue ? Disturbing Revelations! Kankurou is up to Something! Near midnight in a desert canyon, miles away from Hidden Sand Village? Kankurou turned and confirmed he was the only lifeform in the jagged wasteland. Who would even waste time in a dump like this, he thought. They were all busy celebrating the return of Kazekage Garaa back at the village, too excited to bother with Kankurou?s ?sudden need for urination? as he had put it. Only Hyuuga Neji had raised an eyebrow but had not followed. The rest of the village and the Konoha guests would be absentmindedly partying the night away. No one had asked why he needed to bring Karasu along, or why he couldn?t use the village restrooms and instead insisted on walking miles out into the desert for a leak. Well, enough of that. He couldn?t get his jollies on worrying about inconsequential crap. The Jounin took off Karasu?s strap and opened a hidden compartment. Various objects leaked out ? medical tape, poison cartridges, kunai?Where the hell did I put it??ahhh! Here we go?hehehe At the same time, on a cliff overlooking the canyon? A Byakkugan blazed brightly as Hyuuga Neji stood silently observing the scene. Puppet bastard?I knew something was up, he thought to himself. He had already seen the various weapons dispersed from the secret puppet compartment, but what really got on his nerves was the wind, carrying Kankurou?s malicious laughter through the canyon. ?Hehehe?? He hated that laugh, and knew there were no pleasant intentions attached. Neji turned, knowing what he had to do. A windmill shuriken appeared from his robe interior as he slowly descended the cliff. At the canyon bottom... ?Hehe?now this is the LIFE!? Kankurou sipped a beer as assorted items lay strewn around the makeshift campfire. He reached an arm lazily into the pile and with one hand, pulled out what appeared to be a brand new magazine, the other placed firmly somewhere in his pants. ?Karasu, check. Sand Village rations, check?Naughty Ninjas volume 25, you better check that, Kankurou, you stud!? He began to leaf through the magazine, salivating at the pictures. ?Ooo, there?s Katsuragi-san?Ayanami again this month??DAMN, another fine pic, Miss Asuka, WOOF WOOF!!!! Damn I?d like to-? His loud, loud monologue was cut off by a sudden ?Ahem.? ?What the hell are you up to?? asked Neji. ?Uh?? Kankurou stuttered, thinking fast and still holding the mag. ?I-am-a-pup-pet?Kan-ku-rou-is-not-in-the-vicinity-he-is-taking-a-major-piss- ? ?Then why are you doing the robot?? Kankurou stopped moving his limbs mechanically. Thinking was never his strength. ?Neji, is it? Well?what are YOU doing here?! Eh? And with a shuriken no less!? Neji coughed. ?Ten Ten gave it to me as a birthday present last year.? ?Riiiight, right?like I?m supposed to believe-? Neji slammed the shuriken into the ground, sending specks of sand and dirt everywhere. ?Cut the stalling. What are you doing here? And what?s that in your hand?new invasion plans? Didn?t you learn from ?last time??? ?For the love of?they aren?t those kind of plans, it?s top secret?now get the hell away from me!? ?You?re not getting away that easily,? Neji replied. Out of nowhere, Hyuuga hands shot out towards the magazine. ?GIVE?ME?THE?DAMN?PLANS!!!? Kankurou tugged it back fiercely. ?Over my dead body!? ?If it comes to that, so be it!? yelled Neji. ?AARRGGH!!? ?AAAAHHHHHH!!!!!? And just like that, the magazine flew up in the air, falling to the canyon sand. A single, clear image at the back of the issue stared back at them. Kankurou?s eyes widened as he backed away from the horror. ?AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!?