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The Rules of Video Games: What they have taught us.

Discussion in 'NF Archives' started by SeruraRenge, Nov 5, 2005.

  1. SeruraRenge Reaching infinite

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    I got the idea from the Kaizoku-fansub forums. This is just for a little fun. Basically, we list something that only seems to occur in video games, and list it as a rule of reality. I'll start off with some. Please try to continue the list numbers with your posts.

    1. Putting your arms up Prince Charming style blocks torrents of punches, kicks, fireballs, swords and supernatural powers in every fighting game ever.

    2. Constantly attacking a chicken will attract more and attack you.

    3. During WW2, it is very common for a group of about 4 people to take on an entire city of germans.

    4. No matter how weak he may be at the moment, and no matter how long and boring he is, you must NEVER attack your final enemy in the middle of his monologue.

    5. No matter where you are, people won't freak out if you just run up and start a conversation. And if you missed it the first time, just do it again - they'll repeat it however many times you need, word for word.

    6. Whenever your friends are done talking to you, they seem to walk to where you are standing, and then strangely disappear.

    7. Defeating minions always makes sure you do better damage to the boss (Shinobi reference)

    8. If you are busted, then instead of spending jail time, you end up outside the police station five seconds later.

    9. If there is a chick in your group who is always smiling and is really nice to everyone, then you know she's gonna die at some point in your travels, usually in a very dramatic, teary-eyed scene.

    10. Ranged weapons, like the blitzball, for some reason, always seem to be more accurate in hitting than, say, a sword.

    11. A group of heroes consists of; the hero, the girlfriend, the mysterious person, a small person(dwarf,kid,catgirl etc),the badass, and a smartass. Correct me if I'm wrong.

    12. Even against the biggest of creatures, you can still miss.

    13. If the enemy is in a giant robot, there is always a really big obvious weak point (like, say, a giant yellow glowy thing on the top)

    14. Shots to the crotch are just as, if not MORE, lethal as shots to the head.

    15. You are never as good as the character is in a cutscene (i.e. Dante)

    Okay, the next poster should continue with Rule #16.
     
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  2. Liengod sur le fil

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    They're more like facts aren't they?
     
  3. SeruraRenge Reaching infinite

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    But they're still rules of video games. The game series it belongs to will ALWAYS abide by them.

    Anyway, I got a few more:

    16. The extremely strong bosses are usually not a required win. In fact, the game expects you to lose.

    17. No matter what the country, all RPGs speak a universal laguage: ":nerve " "!" "???" and, don't forget "..."

    18. If you talk to everyone in town, then there will always be one person with the info you need. Everyone else blabbers on about useless shit.

    19. Stage Select is great, cuz then u can go back and totally slaughter old bosses.

    Okay, now continue at Rule #20 instead:p
     
  4. Duy Nguyen Turtlin'

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    Screaming out the name of your attack will make it 100,000,000,000x stronger.

    You can RC through anything, even a moving car.

    You can save your life by parrying the moment of impact from anything, even a flying powertool.
     
  5. SeruraRenge Reaching infinite

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    You didn't number em. Oh well, you only put in 3, so I can still figure out where we are.

    23. For some reason in RPGs destroying religions is the cool thing to do. How many times do you go through the entire game only to fight God or some god-wannabe at the end. Even if you start out on the side of religion, you'll soon betray your fundamental beliefs and start murdering the clergy.

    24. Some games make you wonder if your character has an unhealthy addiction to golden rings.

    25. Strangely, a huge boss is always easier to beat than a little guy.

    26. Guns never work on the little guy.
     
  6. martryn Dick in hand

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    27. Father figures/mentors are doomed to die within the first few hours of any video game.
     
  7. Liengod sur le fil

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    #28: The leading role character of every RPG the majority of the time is extremely emo.
     
  8. SeruraRenge Reaching infinite

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    29. Guns take much longer to kill someone than a sword does, unlike real life.

    30. When you go up a ladder, chances are some asshole will be waiting to shoot you at the top.

    31. Any boss that has a move that reduces all members' HP to 1 will always patiently wait for you to heal before he attacks again, the dumbass.

    32. If there is a bomb, the game will always give you ten minutes more than the time needed to either disarm it or get to a safe distance.

    33. Apparently, clowns can be just as demented and evil as any other bad guy (Kefka).

    34. If you are detected, it's game over, despite the fact that you could've just killed the guard b4 he set off the alarm.

    35. In any Naruto game, Uchiha Itachi is required to be seriously overpowered.
     
  9. martryn Dick in hand

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    36. The more memorable a person is, the more powerful he is.
     
  10. SeruraRenge Reaching infinite

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    37. If your playing a friend in a competitive game and beating them senseless, they will most likely claim there is somthing wrong with their controller.

    38. Both Cactuars, and Tonberries are definetely cute. HOWEVER the Phrase Cute, and cuddly does not apply here. Do not be decieved by their innoncence. There is no maybe. There is no sometimes. You ARE their bitch.

    39. If you can't beat a boss, chances are you just need to go up about 10 lvls, then you can pwn him.

    40. A cop doesn't care if you steal a car right next to his, but so much as bumping into his car will get you a 2-star rating.

    41. Tiny little mages seem to have more magical power than badass-looking ones with demon wings and kickass staves.

    42. If your character has a really screwed-up mind, chances are you will end up going into at least 10 flashbacks.

    43. In command and Conquer Renegade, YOU CANNOT DODGE THE OBELISK, all though it's fun to tell noobs they can and watch them FRY.

    44. If all else fails, remember..."Kick, Punch, its all in the Mind..." The wise words of an onion.

    45. There will always be a fighting game argument. Is player 1 wrong for throwing a bunch of fireballs, or Player 2 for not blocking them?

    46. It is ridiculous to claim that video games influence children. For instance, if PacMan affected kids born in the eighties, we should by now have a bunch of teenagers who run around in darkened rooms eating pills while listening to monotonous electronic music. (I got this one off.....somewhere)
     
  11. squanman your god.

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    47. No matter how small your gun is, if you shoot at it long enough, the tank will eventually explode.

    48. Only YOU can do bullettime, not a single other in the world can.

    49. If seen by the enemy, go back into the door you came in and wait until they come after you. They NEVER seem to expect you waiting for them.

    50. All fps-characters can pick up weapons with their feet, hold huge amounts of ammo on them, along with possibly a bazooka, and have yet to encounter a broken weapon.
     
  12. Hellcrow Silly freak

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    51. In FPS games, hitting someone with you gun in melee is instant death, even if you hit his left toe.

    52. In adventure games, most main characters have somekind of magic bag that can carry an unatural large stock of weapons and items. This goes for some RPGs too..
     
  13. ShadelessNyght Never Knows Best

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    53. Remember, everyone in the world is super friendly! They have no problem of having you walk straight into their home, steal their money or items, and then make a casual conversation with them before leaving!

    54. When fighting a major boss, don't be afraid to just sit there for a while and gather your thoughts. Though they want to kill you, they have a heart too and understand not to attack (For Turn Based RPG games)

    55. Large Armies of trained chinese warriors, Elephants, Warlords, Tigers, and Enemy Generals< You as you use one weapon and stomp through them even with just your fist or a fan.

    56. If a man with a chainsaw is after you to cut your head clean off of its body, DO NOT FEAR! Just start a Kick or have one of the enemies grab ahold of you. Apparently while they do, the chainsaw will slash at you, but not harm you in anyway! Don't forget to thank that villager by blasting a bullet in his head!

    57. Out of ammo? Do not fear once more! Just kill one of the nearest people around you. Even if all they use is pitchforks, knives, and other old weapons to your gun, they were apparently packing a few ammo clips with them.

    58. Low on money and can't afford those things you need? Fear no more! Just run outside, kill some random animals, and watch the money pour from them! Who knows, you might even get the item you wanted to buy, since apparently, all animals in the world have money and item pouches.

    59. -This rule was deleted by the Bunnies of Every MMORPG after the Random Genocide of their population just for low level hero's to level easily-

    60.Name your child Cid, they will grow up to somehow, in somehow, be very, very important.
     
  14. squanman your god.

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    61. Some worlds are just stacked with coins all over the place which no one seems to want ... unless YOU picked them up ... Then they'll ask coins for everything, and even beat them out of you.

    62. They say money doesn't make happy, but in tons of games coins do make you feel better as you see your healthbar rising.
     
  15. Deathinstinct Member

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    63. Lots of money is always hidden in clay jars and tall grass, all you have to do is cut the grass or break the jar. If you need more all you have to do is leave and the grass will be tall again as soon as you return.

    64. If you're actually thrown in jail, they never take your weapons and armor away. (though there are rare instances where this isn't true)

    65. No matter how many times you've saved the world, the badguy will always underestimate you and send weak enemies to test your strength.

    66. No matter how badass you are, you have to find the correct key to open doors. Because it would be rude to just break down the door.
     
  16. squanman your god.

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    67. You're the most powerful ninja in the world, you have defeated many other ninjas, robots with laserswords, undead samurai, dragons, giant squids ... You did wall jumps, hang from ledges, got up the highest of rooftops ...

    BUT there's NO way that you can get by the bouncer of the nightclub, you MUST find the entrance ticket.

    ~ Ninja Gaiden
     
  17. Jack Bauer Hoping Love

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    68. Mushrooms can make you grow from midget to adult size.

    69. It will take you 15-20+ hours to get to the final boss.
     
  18. SeruraRenge Reaching infinite

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    Good rules guys!

    70. When people complain that the new action game is the same beat-em-up sequence over and over, they forget that ALL action games do this.

    71. It takes 2 bullets to kill a cop, but 30 to bring down Carl Johnson. Why is this?

    72. If the boss you are fighting in an action game has a katana, chances are that he is WAY better at melee combat than you.

    73. Touching a glowing blue sphere or standing on a green circle makes you feel as good as new.
     
  19. squanman your god.

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    75. Bats hate you, even if there are tons of people around, they'll immediately and only attack YOU for no reason.

    76. You can never count on the police ... OR they are simply unreachable cause you're on a far away island or space ... OR you're killing 'm all yourself.
     
  20. kage_konoha shadow of the night

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    77. If you roll the entire world into one giagantic ball, you will make the moon.

    78. A metal frying pan will save you from being stabed in the back.
     
  21. SeruraRenge Reaching infinite

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    79. Just when you catch all the damn Poke'mon, even the secret ones, Nintendo says 'fuck off' and releases 47783974897987 new little bastards for you to grab. Half of them you cant even pronounce their name!

    80. Usually, the games where you cant skip cutscenes, are the ones with long, drawn-out ones right b4 the boss you can never seem to beat (like battling Ansem-controlled Riku in KH. I fucking memorized the dialouge)

    81. Anyone online that you can totally pwn is a n00b, and anyone who can totally pwn you must be hacking.

    82. If you game does not cartridge. Blow, even though the manual says you shouldn't.

    83. Getting cheats by punching in buttons before a time limit is really annoying.
    [down,left,up,right,right,right,a,b,a,up] Do this before the logo dissapears.

    84. Dispite how advanced X is, he still cannot shoot up.

    85. Liu Kang, Ryu, and Ken are immortal and will always be in their series of games.

    86. Food is good, but try to avoid Spam and Cheese when gaming.

    87. If there is tons of bugs upon the day of release, just tell ppl to download the patch from your badly made flash home page.

    88. The older the technology the better and more powerful it is (ie. Id's gear).
     
  22. Robotkiller Still alive

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    Eating the mushrooms is always! a good Idea.
     
  23. kage_konoha shadow of the night

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    Just click on edit, delete post.
     
  24. squanman your god.

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    90. Robotkiller should lay off the mushrooms :p

    91. Now mather how many times you've been cut in half or been impaled ... You can never die until the bar above your head is empty. And IF that would be the case, you still have 9 seconds to continue ... EVEN if you don't make it in those 9 seconds, just go back to the main screen and everything's back to old.
     
  25. kage_konoha shadow of the night

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    92. In shinobi, if you fall in lava you only get burned. But if you fall in the water, you drown and then die.

    Edit: The lesson is, ninjas can't swim.
     
  26. SeruraRenge Reaching infinite

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    93. Guns float off the ground, and the best ones are always hidden in either the middle of an area, or a really obscure place.

    94. DOOM is NOT a Half-Life clone!

    95. Games based on an anime always tend to either suck or be awesome. No real place inbetween.
     
  27. Reznor Well-Known Member Administrator

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    96. All girls can use magic.

    97. Cute things can't die.

    98. Agility makes you more accurate with guns.

    99. Intelligence makes enegry attacks stronger.

    100. Enemies will react the same to all attacks no matter how much damage it does to them.

    101.
    Full health - ^_^
    Half health - ^_^
    1 HP______- ^_^
    0 HP______- X_X dead!

    102. People can be brought back to live with items sold at stores

    103..... but only if they died in battle. If they died in a cinematic, no good.

    104. There are exploding barrells everywhere.

    105. You are clever if you shoot those barrells and blow up your enemies.

    106. If the door is locked, find someone with a key. He's in the next building.

    107. If that guy isn't around, go to the side of the building - there should be a stack of crates going up to the window.

    108. Main characters don't talk. (Girls seem to love that too :omg)

    109. For some reason, this guy here is considered extremely powerful.... even though any monster one town over is stronger than him.

    110. Hotel rates go up the farther you are from the Main character's house.

    111. They also sell better weapons there too.

    112. Instead of learning how to interact with females, they will throw themselves at you.

    113. Running stupid errands will get you better ideas.

    114. Leveling up your characters is a productive use of an afternoon.

    115. Most mammals can breathe underwater.

    116. The most deadly things in the universe are spikes and lava.

    117. (RPGs) You need not become more skilled. Level ups will make the game easier for you so you don't need to think as hard.

    118. FPS - More skilled agent = takes more bullets.

    119. Any casualties are acceptable.... unless they are "Heroes"

    120. You can go from a state in which anything could kill you to perfectly healthy by finding a "Health pack"

    121. You do more damage, they can take more hits.

    122. They carry around alot of gold, but don't use it to buy potions.
     
  28. NeoSlayer666 666 the number of the BEAST

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    123. falling down a pit kills you

    124. circle strafing kills anything AI

    125. Blue crabs level up as you do. (FFXI)

    126. ABACABB

    127. Button mashing is discouraged in ALL fighting games except DBZ ones

    128. Sol-Badguy is cheap and you don't suck, he is just cheap.

    129. Standing still will cause you to say something or do something after awhile

    130. No matter how many times you shoot ur horse with ur bow, he will deflect them all with his rock hard skin.

    131. Never stay and fight nemesis

    132. Eating pills will make you go berserk allowing u to punch hellspawn to death with one hit
     
  29. squanman your god.

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    133. You NEVER find the bazooka first ... somehow you always start with a knife, crowbar or pistol and later on find better and better weapons. Even if your a special ops guy, your organisation will only give you the weapons that are juuuust good enough.

    134. It always seems a clever idea to jump into a rail cart of an abandoned mine

    135. If you catch a star you're invunerable until the crazy music stops

    136. In fps, it's impossible for you to climb
     
  30. SmokingPepper Sasuke Rules

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    124. You never run out of ammunition, just grenades
     
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