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The Truth about IBM - long winded post by yours truly

Discussion in 'The NF Café' started by CrazyMoronX, Dec 16, 2005.

  1. CrazyMoronX Old Man

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    Today, I learned the horrible truth about the evil place of devilish lies, deceit, and hatred, also known as IBM.

    It all started August 26th, 2005, my birthday. It is customary for IBM to give cakes to the person who is celebrating their day of birth. I received NO CAKE.

    Months later, and a new addition named Steve "Champ" Champlain, started to gain noteriaty around the office. He was hailed as the king of calls after just being here a few simple weeks. Everyone knew him, the managers knew him, random co-workers knew him, and they all loved him. So much so you could see one of the managers polishing his knob routinely any day of the week.

    Well, his birthday rolled around, and of course, he got A CAKE.

    Just the day after that, another cake sprung up. A birthday cake. For someone I didn't even know.

    A week later, yet another birthday cake.

    I was angered and outraged, but I let it slide.

    Shortly thereafter they changed my schedule around, so that my lunch is at 1:30. I thought nothing of it at first, until I went to the company lunch room for lunch.

    IT WAS CLOSED.

    Yes, it was closed, and at first I thought it was just that day. I came the next day, and the next, closed both times. I started to worry.

    Day after day, closure after closure, I began to realize a pattern. Eventually, I realized that the lunch room just so HAPPENS to close... at 1:30.

    Conspiracy? Perhaps... but not enough evidence to call them out on it... UNTIL TODAY.

    Yes today was the worst. Potluck day. Hours? 11am-2pm. At first glance you might think, "hey they left it open for you!" but you are WRONG.

    My lunch break rolled around, and I had received the e-mail. I wandered over to meeting room L10 where it was taking place. The room, was empty.

    Crock-pots, bags of cookies, chips, and platters thrown about. And not a single morsel of food. At least, none that was edible.

    Yes, another ploy, directed towards me. They are scoffing at me. Teasing me with the late 2pm deadline, making me think I had a chance at free food. I WAS SO TERRIBLY WRONG.


    As of today, this very moment, I officially HATE IBM.

    I am tempted to walk out, go on strike, complain, or just straight up quit. What should I do? You tell me.
     
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  2. kapsi Banned

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  3. google123 Member

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    LOL, my dad used to work for IBM.
     
  4. CrazyMoronX Old Man

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    Did your dad get f*cked in the ass by the management too?
     
  5. google123 Member

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    Kinda, the hours were ridiculous, and he didn't get payed for the hours he did on the plane flying to places for meetings and such. Which sucks ass. Dudes at school have parents working in small Post Offices and they get 400 bucks for Xmas, I get a measly 100.
     
  6. CrazyMoronX Old Man

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    I got a potluck dinner.

    Oh wait.........
     
  7. jkingler J. Kinglecrab, Esq.

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    You've been Milton'd, dude. That's fucked up.
     
  8. google123 Member

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    Milton'd???
     
  9. jkingler J. Kinglecrab, Esq.

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  10. google123 Member

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    ...I still don't get it....
     
  11. furious styles ☆☆☆☆☆

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    then there's something wrong with you
     
  12. Keramachi Fight war, not wars.

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    Ah, forgive him, he just hasn't seen THE BEST MOVIE OF ALL TIME!
     
  13. CrazyMoronX Old Man

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    Well they haven't moved me into the basement yet. Actually I don't think they have a basement.. what am I saying, of course they have a basement.

    Man, I just hope it has the Internet.
     
  14. jkingler J. Kinglecrab, Esq.

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    It starts out with you not getting your cake, and ends with you in the basement, storing boxes around you desk, without a stapler.
     
  15. Dark Schneider The Ruler of the Universe

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    Hell ya!

    Hahaa...but have they taken your stapler yet?
     
  16. dragonsblade Member

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    Place I work at took my staple remover. Bitches.

    It was red, too.
     
  17. uncle jafuncle sustenance proxy

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    No, it ends with him setting the building on fire.
     
  18. jkingler J. Kinglecrab, Esq.

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    That's only if he snaps. I wonder what the last straw would be...
     
  19. uncle jafuncle sustenance proxy

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    The last straw is when CMX finds out that he was fired months ago and wasn't informed. He continued to receive his salary due to a glitch in payroll, but once it was fixed, CMX 7EH BURNINATOR was unleashed...
     
  20. DesertLily Panties! Glorious panties!

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    You can always gangbang the fax machine.
     
  21. uncle jafuncle sustenance proxy

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    That's a great idea. Hey CMX, you got any office machinery that's exceptionally annoying?

    Oh, and is that an animated whip-wielding Bill Cosby in your avatar, DL?
     
  22. jkingler J. Kinglecrab, Esq.

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    That's. So. Dirty.
     
  23. Haruka modkop

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    Oh Geebus, you are dead to me. You haven't seen Office SPACE?????
     
  24. G. Hawke The one who left

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    ...............Agreed. -_-''
     
  25. Luckey Wants his custom title.

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    cmx can always make my day better by his random stories.
     
  26. ~Kaio-Cam~ Katon, Ryukken no Jutsu

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    i would just make a complaint about the lunch hours. Make it earlier. If they deny, which i'm sure they wont, u have the right to become a total bitch to anyone who communicates with you.

    As for the B-Day.... i guess your not popular enough. Cruel world indeed. If you and "Champ" was hanging off the side of a 30 story skyscraper, and your boss or manager has to choose one, it would probably be the "Champ." Screw them... if they fail to realize it's your B-Day, then move on with life, and get revenge when you become head of IBM or something. Do something man!

    Oh yeah.... did you tell them it was your Birthday?
     
  27. jkingler J. Kinglecrab, Esq.

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    My rep now ends in 666! :-O

    Also: I have come to the conclusion that things won't get better for you until you embezzle money from them. Pennies per thousand dollars shouldn't be noticeable. ;-)

    Theeeeen burn the place down.
     
  28. CrazyMoronX Old Man

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    The most annoying machine in ths office, is my computer unfortunately

    I would advise against buying any IBM products.

    It's that bad.
     
  29. Chamcham Trigger 光翼型近接支援残酷戦闘機“エヴァッカニア・ドゥーム

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    lol I was thinking the same thing.

    I say you try looking for another job while still working there. They are probably taking you for granted.
     
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