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Tsukuyomi Torture Show: Special Edition (Spoilers)

Discussion in 'House of Uzumaki Archives' started by DTemplar5, Jan 28, 2005.

  1. DTemplar5

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    A compleation of all the Tsukyoumi I've done. Now you can enjoy it in one sitting! If anyone wants to- I've changed one detail- find out what it is and you'll get a free Mangekyou Sharingan!
    Tsukyomi Torture Show.
    Brought to you by the Mangekyou Sharingan?- you'll kill your best friend for it!
    ------------------------
    (Epsiode 85)
    Kisame: So you dispelled the genjutsu we used on that woman?
    Itachi: I didn't use a genjutsu.
    Kisame: Then what did you use?
    Itachi: Um....nothing- I never saw that women before, but now it looks like it would've been a good idea.
    Jiraya: Then she really....:jir_thumb
    ------------------------
    (Epsiode 81)
    Orochimaru: That's why, I left that organization.
    <flashback>
    Orochimaru: What do you mean, "everyone wears back coats!" I refuse to wear them. You should wear this [pulls out a Sound uniform].
    Akatsuki leader: One, it's not in the budget for those types of outfits, and two, black is best suited for the camoflauge in the night, and it's more intimidating than a light purple suit.
    Orochimaru: Oh yeah?
    Akatsuki leader: What are you going to do about it, leave?
    Orochimaru: Yeah!
    Akatsuki leader: Well, you certainly showed me.
    ------------------------
    Akatsuki leader: Alright, for this meeting, we need a tally of what we need to do.
    Akatsuki leader: So what we need is, Naruto, Sasuke, a dead corpse of Orochimaru, and 12 tickets to Star Wars...wait, I only count 11, who's number 12?
    Itachi: Well, I asked the ramen girl at Konoha if she wanted to come.
    Akatsuki leader: And you do realize that you'll be dressed up as Darth Vader.
    Itachi: That's why she'll come.
    ------------------------
    (Itachi vs. Naruto)
    Itachi: Mangekyou Sharingan!
    Naruto (eyes closed in typical fashion): Eh?
    (Itachi thinks for a moment)
    Itachi: Ramen.
    Naruto (opens his eyes): Ramen? Crap.
    (Orochimaru disguised in the ultimate disguse)
    Kenshin (walking past Orochimaru, getting hit on the head): Oro!
    Orochimaru: They already found me? How?
    ------------------------
    (Akatsuki stranded on an island)
    Akatsuki leader: We're out of chakra, so we're going to have to resort to canabalism. Who's going first?
    (Everyone looks at Kisame)
    Kisame: What?
    ------------------------
    (Kisame and Itachi fighting Orochimaru)
    Kisame: How'd you beat Orochimaru before?
    Orochimaru: Blah-blah-blah I'm going to live forever blah-blah-blah I'm gay blah-blah.
    Itachi: (punch) Because he talks too much.
    ------------------------
    Kisame: I want some fish.
    [everyone's mouth drops]
    Kisame: What?
    ------------------------
    Bat guy: Come, Itachi, to the bat cave!
    (play Batman music...from the 60s)
    Akatsuki leader: Bat guy, how come we never come by the Bat cave anymore?
    Bat guy: Well, you must've noticed by now...
    Akatsuki leader: No hippie chicks?
    Bat guy: That and look below.
    Akatsuki: Bat guano!
    ------------------------
    Itachi: ...
    Plant guy: ...
    Itachi: ...
    Plant guy: ...
    Itachi: ...
    Plant guy: So what're we doing here?
    Itachi: ...I have no idea.
    ------------------------
    (Itachi fighting Tsuande)
    Itachi: ...
    Tsuande: Look at my eyes when we're fighting, not my breasts!
    Itachi: You probrobly don't want that...
    Tsuande: Yes, I do.
    Itachi: Ok...(Itachi uses Tsukyomi)
    Tsuande: Oh no...I think I know where this is headed...72 hours with a sword?
    Itachi: Uh, no. Dirty movies.
    ------------------------
    (Akatsuki leader vs. Kakashi)
    Kakashi: I will...
    Akatsuki leader: Never let an opponent get behind you.
    Kakashi: Shoot!
    Akatsuki leader: Konoha's Secret Taijutsu Master Technique: 1,000 Years of Pain!
    ------------------------
    Akatsuki leader: If you're paying attention, you've now won a free Mangekyou Sharingan?- You'll kill your best friend!
    ------------------------
    Akatsuki leader: Now, any suggestions on how to capture Naruto?
    Everyone else: .....
    Akatsuki leader: I mean, seriously, how? I've hired you guys for a reason.
    Itachi: Maybe we can try ramen.
    Kisame: I was thinking we find his girlfriend.
    Akatsuki leader: Hmm....I'm going to go with Kisame on this one.
    Itachi: You ALWAYS side with Kisame.
    ------------------------
    (using scene from above)
    Plant guy: Now, we just need to find out who his girlfriend is, kidnap her, then offer the exchange.
    Bat guy (Flys right in): I got her name....yeah.
    Plant guy: Who is it?
    Bat guy: Hyuuga Hinata....yeah. (sarcastic) I'm thinking we go back, we're not cut out for this....yeah.
    Plant guy: (sarcastic) Yeah, I've heard some nasty things about the Hyuugas- they make Itachi look like a nice guy.
    Both: ....
    Bat guy: ...this should be cakewalk...yeah.
    (both proceed to kidnap Hinata)
    -------------------------
    Akatsuki leader: Where are they? Those two are usually so punctuall. Time to watch the news of our "dasterdly deeds of destruction.?"
    Newsman: Today at Konoha, Hyuuga Hinata-sama has killed two S-ranked criminals today (show pictures of Plant guy and Bat guy)
    Itachi: Told you should've done ramen. Don't get in the way of a girl and her lover. Besides, we had a bet- no more nail polish.
    Akatsuki leader: Grr....
    ---------------------------
    (at the Ichiuraku ramen)
    Naruto: ? RAMEN...FOR FREE!?!? (runs inside)
    Akatsuki leader: Welcome, Naruto, to our trap.
    (Naruto gets bound in various seals, ropes and chain)
    Naruto: Drat.
    Akatsuki leader: Now we will use you in our nepharious sceme...after some torture. 1 bowl please.
    (Naruto is tortured while the Akatsuki leader slowly eats some ramen)
    Naruto: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
    ---------------------------
    Itachi: I sure hope the boss is done soon.
    Sakura: Sasuke-kun?
    Itachi: (thinking) Drat, I keep a disguise going.
    Sakura: You came back?
    Itachi: ....Yes.
    (Sakura glomps Itachi) :glomp
    Sakura: !!
    (cue Metal Gear Solid mission failure music)
    Kisame: Itachi? Itachi? Itachiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!
    ---------------------------
    Akatsuki leader: Now, as long as we don't run into anyone troublesome, I'll be home free with the prize.
    Naruto: You won't get away with it.
    Kakashi: Stop right there.
    Akatsuki leader: Uh...it's best if YOU move.
    Kakashi: Really, and why is that?
    Akatsuki leader: Him...(points to a jumping Gai)
    Gai: DYNAMIC ENTRY! (pops Kakashi in the head)
    Gai: Not again.
    (Akatsuki leader backhands Gai, slamming him somewhere in Orochimaru's mansion)
    Akatsuki leader: Not them, your girlfriend.
    Naruto: Sakura-chan?
    Akatsuki leader: No, the cuter one.
    Naruto: Hmmm...Hinata?
    Akatsuki leader: Yeah, that one.
    Naruto: ....Oro!
    -----------------------------
    (At Orochimaru's mansion)
    Orochimaru: I need a new sex-toy. I wish one would drop out of the sky.
    (Gai drops in)
    Orochimaru: Thank you!
    -------------------------------
    Akatsuki Leader: Oh CRAP.
    Hinata: S-s-s-stop.
    Naruto: Run Hinata! These guys mean...huh?
    (Akatsuki leader's cloud begans to disapate)
    Akatsuki leader: RUN AWAY!
    -------------------------------
    (In Sakura's room)
    Sakura: You're sooooo much better than Sasuke.
    Itachi (smoking): Thank you.
    Sakura: And I wonder what I was thinking going out with him.
    Itachi: Women don't need angst, they need....
    (Throws Sakura into a dirty Tsukyoumi)
    -------------------------------
    Akatsuki leader: I really don't want to go to Orochimaru's place to get Plant guy and Bat guy back. He'll want a sex-toy...
    (Lee walks accross the street)
    Akatsuki leader: :smile-big
    Lee: :blink
    -------------------------------
    (at Orochimaru's)
    Orochimaru: That was pathetic! You're a terrible slave! Kabuto, put him in one of my experaments.
    Kabuto: Which one?
    Orochimaru: Hmm...the 3rd gender one.
    Gai: No! Not that! Anything but that!
    Orochimaru: You should've done better then. Huh? Akatsuki leader, what're you doing here?
    Akatsuki leader: Bring back Plant guy and Bat guy- here's payment (throws Lee)
    Orochimaru: I just had to throw away a trash just like that!
    Akatsuki leader: He's underage.
    Orochimaru: That'll work.
    -------------------------------
     
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  2. DTemplar5

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    --------------------------------
    Hinata: N-N-N-Naruto-kun....(twiddles fingers)
    Naruto: What is it Hinata?
    (Hinata glomps Naruto) :glomp
    --------------------------------
    (in Sakura's room)
    Sakura: Ohh....(drools)
    Itachi: I'm good.
    (door opens to reveal Sasuke)
    Sasuke: I've returned back to Konoha to...(noticed Itachi and Sakura) KILL!
    Itachi: YIPE! (jumps out the window nude)
    --------------------------------
    Akatsuki leader: Glad to have you two back.
    Plant Guy: I love Edo Tensei.
    Akatsuki leader: Yeah, well, except that you don't regenerate like the Hokages did.
    Bat guy: Why?
    Akatsuki leader: Well, let's just say Orochimaru was busy.
    Tall Guy: Weren't we supposed to kill Orochimaru.
    Everyone else: ....
    Akatsuki leader: Shut up.
    --------------------------------
    (in Orochimaru's mansion)
    Gai: Lee!
    Lee: Gai-sensei!
    Orochimaru: Ohhh yeah.
    Kabuto: Please, gorge my eyes out. I shouldn't see this 3rd gender actually doing it!
    --------------------------------
    (in a dank cave)
    Akatsuki leader: So, what next?
    Everyone: ....
    (Itachi runs in nude)
    Akatsuki leader: Itachi...
    Itachi: (blubbers really fast about his plight)
    Akatsuki leader: Slow down.
    Itachi: (still blabbers, but not as fast)
    Akatsuki leader: Just go back and get your robe, ring, and forehead protector, we don't have the budget for any more. Mostly because we killed the tailor.
    Itachi: But Sasuke....
    Akatsuki leader: Fine, I'll get it back for you....sloth.
    --------------------------------
    (in Sakura's house)
    Sasuke: Why did you go with my evil brother?
    Sakura: He's not as evil as you! You LEFT ME! (play sad soap opera music)
    Sasuke: I can change your mind!
    Sakura: Really? It's not like you can use Tsukyoumi on me and make love to me for 72 hours streight!
    Sasuke: (uses Tsukyoumi on Sakura...in an even dirtier one too)
    --------------------------------
    Akatsuki leader: I think this is the address...(opens the door)
    (noticed Sasuke and Sakura making out, and Itachi's clothes are right next to the Akatsuki leader)
    Akatsuki leader: Ooookaayy......(takes the clothes quickly and runs...without sound)
    Sakura: Did you hear something?
    Sasuke: No (more dirty Tsukyoumi images)
    ----------------------------------
    Akatsuki leader: Whew, I'm glad I hadn't run into anyone trouble....
    (sees the entire village ready to pounce on the Akatsuki leader)
    Akatsuki leader: ...some.
    Tsunade: You're underarrest.
    Akatsuki leader: You can't arrest me! I'm legally dead!
    Tsunade: Then there will be no consequence to killing you.
    Akatsuki leader: ....Shushuin no jutsu (poof).
    Tsunade: What?! Find him!
    ----------------------------------
    Akatsuki leader: Whew, I'm safe.
    Kisame: But why don't you kidnap his girlfriend, what's her name?
    Akatsuki leader: ...What day is it?
    Kisame: The 3rd, why? Did you time travel again?
    Bat guy: Your Shushin no jutsu is too powerful for normal traveling- you really shouldn't overuse it.
    Akatsuki leader: ....I think we're going to hold off on the kidnaping and just wait the 3 years.
    ----------------------------------
    Sakura (waking up): Oooo...I had SUCH a good dream.
    ----------------------------------
    Hinata (waking up): Oooo...I had SUCH a good dream.
    ----------------------------------
    Jiriaya (waking up): Oooo...I had SUCH a good dream...huh?
    Orochimaru: I wouldn't say that.
    Jiriaya: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
    ----------------------------------
     
  3. Spectrum

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    Edited the title to add a spoiler warning (the Akatsuki stuff is filled with spoilers :p ), but yeah... I'm really just posting to tell you that you've just made my night. XD ::reps you silly::

    :rofl

    Brilliant. (You've been watching Robin Hood: Men in Tights, haven't you? XD)
     
  4. Strider M

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    lol You made a Spin off from the Things/Lines a Naruto Character Wont say thread eh? Kudos to you! Rep!
     
  5. xenex

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    Just printed myself a copy. This is the funniest thing I've ever read. Reps for who knows how many-ith time.
     
  6. DTemplar5

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    I'm honored to have this become popular as it has. Maybe a little preview for what I'm planning....
    ----------------------
    Kopy Kakashi Show
    Brought to you by Uzumaki Naruto- Up and comming Hokage.
    ----------------------
    (Kakashi and the bells)
    Kakashi: Alright, I have two bells...?
    Naruto: You mean these? (holds up two bells)
    Kakashi: Ok, I'm changing the test- take these...
    Sakura: These? (hold up two balls)
    Kakashi:....how about....
    Sasuke: Your book?
    Kakashi: I'm going to kill you for that. (prepares Raikiri)
    All three: Yawn....
     
  7. Hitman89

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    wow cant wait for the new show to be competed,when the target date of competion?
     
  8. aZnL0deMaster

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    Omg, lmfao. I love this.
     
  9. Shiari

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    :rofl Funny! ....Must...read....more! Oh and poor Akatsuki leader....His minons are idiots...Me think.
     
  10. Hitman89

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    Akatsuki leader is my fav Caracter out of the storys.Too bad we cant makes manga's out of these storys.
     
  11. Raikiri

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    LOLOL. The best parts were Itachi going as Vader and Gai dropping out of the sky!
     
  12. Jack Bauer

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    Oh yeah these are the funny ass lines from that "things Naruto characters wouldn't say thread" Great job DTemplar5.
     
  13. rubbereruben

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    That stuff is priceless!! :D

    :lol
     
  14. DTemplar5

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    Kopy Kakashi Show (Spoilers)

    Kopy Kakashi Show
    Brought to you by Uchiha Sasuke- Because you are an avenger.
    ----------------------
    (Kakashi and the bells)
    Kakashi: Alright, I have two bells...?
    Naruto: You mean these? (holds up two bells)
    Kakashi: Ok, I'm changing the test- take these...
    Sakura: These? (hold up two balls)
    Kakashi:....how about....
    Sasuke: Your book?
    Kakashi: I'm going to kill you for that. (prepares Raikiri)
    All three: Yawn....
    (Kakashi charges, but the other three just walk away from the Raikiri as he slowly moves forward)
    Kakashi: Wait! That was a slow motion scene- you weren't supposed to move!
    Sasuke: Yeah, you're a terrible instructor.
    Naruto: I dunno, I think he'd make a good Mega Man clone.
    (Kakashi gets irritated)
    Sakura: I don't think so.
    Sasuke: Yeah, I'll bet 200 ryou on it.
    Naruto: Ok, first, he'll fire 3 shrukins.
    (Kakashi throws 3 shrukins at them, each one parried- making Kakashi more upset)
    Sasuke: You forgot the Mega Buster.
    (Kakashi throws a Fuma Shrukin, going between Naruto and Sasuke)
    Naruto: All he has to do is copy someone's technique, and I win the best.
    (Kakashi preforms Katon: Goukayuu no Jutsu, but it falls short as the three walk away)
    Sakura: Wow, I guess he really is a Mega Man clone.
    Naruto: Yeah, too bad he can't beat us. Sasuke, you owe me.
    Sasuke: Well, here it is, 200 ryou.
    Naruto: :smile-big
    (Kakashi runs up and punches all three out)
    Kakashi: Whew, 1000+ techniques and the best one was a simple punch.
     
  15. Kno7

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    rofl :p

    but one thing I don't get. Is that you're prediction for 246? because if so

    SPOILER

    Sasuke's not supposed to be in it, no?
     
  16. Spectrum

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    Hilarious as always, DTemplar, but not really enough reason for this to warrant its own thread. Sorry. :p

    ::goes to merge::
     
  17. Tautou

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    LMFAO... Not sure why, but being a big fan of Metal Gear Solid, I found that extremely hilarious.

    I've only read up to that so far, but I had to comment... Very nice work, man.
     
  18. Hitman89

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    no it's his ver. of ch 5-8.
     
  19. ramp3

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    Extretemelly funny
    Reps 4 you
     
  20. DTemplar5

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    Fine with me.

    Kopy Kakashi Show
    Brought to you by Haruno Sakura - I love Angst.
    ----------------------
    Kakashi: What the?
    Frog Man: Time to die, Mega man!
    Kakashi (unamused look): Jiraya, is that you? (Jiraya walks in the background)
    Frog Man: A-ha! You must've suffered from amnisia, Mega Man. Prepare yourself for defeating me!
    Kakashi: Yeah, sure, I'll beat you in a flash...
    (in a flash later...)
    ----------------------
    Frog Man: How did you copy my technique without my chip?
    Kakashi: My Sharingan.
    Frog Man: Wait a sec...sharingan? You mean you're not Mega Man?
    Kakashi: Nope.
    Frog Man: Then...who are you?
    Kakashi: I'm Copy Ninja Kakashi.
    Jiraya: Hey! It's Frog Man! I want your autograph!
    Kakashi: What the?
    ----------------------
    Kakashi: Man, what a rough day. I hope it doesn't get worse.
    Akatsuki leader (in a disguise): I have a message for you.
    Kakashi: What is it?
    Akatsuki leader: The Kopy Kakashi show is being canceled.
    Kakashi: WHAT?!
    Akatsuki leader: It seems that the Tsukyoumi Torture Show got some financial assistance.
    Kakashi: From where? They shouldn't get that kind of money!
    ----------------------
    Jiraya: Only 10% royalites?! What happened to the 25% I was supposed to get?
    Plant guy (disguised): Taxes. Yeah...taxes.
    ----------------------
    Therefore, I will be making more Tsukyoumi Torture Show episodes due to the funding from Jiraya's new Icha Icha volume, Icha Icha Tactics.
     
  21. GriffonKato

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    U Are So Funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I Love Those Akatsuki Jokes!!!
     
  22. xenex

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    LOL. I swear this is better than real TV.
     
  23. Shadowpriest

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    OMG! ........(dies laughing)
     
  24. Sesshoumaru

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    If you know how to draw using Photoshop and other drawing programs, you could make doujinshi's that you could sell at anime conventions.
     
  25. silent_speech

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    OMG ROFL!!!!! THIS THREAD IS HILARIOUS!!! reps for you!!!
     
  26. silent_speech

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    What?!? I can't give you a rep? Damn, it says i need to spread some reps before i can rep you... anyways, me want more!!! more!!!
     
  27. xenex

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    I wonder if you'd also have real life guest stars (pictures an edo tensai-ed Rodney Dangerfield or Saddam Hussein as a temp Akatsuki leader.)
     
  28. Hitman89

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    Wow,very soon you'll have an ch soon.
     
  29. DeathGuise_of_Oblivion

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  30. Axass

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