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What do you look for in a potential spouse/partner?

Discussion in 'Konoha Country Club' started by Haze, Nov 8, 2018.

  1. Haze

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    I’m talking about qualities and characteristics you would like in a future spouse. It can be anything from their physical features to their personality etc.

    As for me, I’ve always known that I’ve wanted the kind of relationship that my parents have. One where both partners work really hard to build their relationship together, learn to be patient and loving with one another, as well as helping the other reach their personal goals in life. Now, a bit of my personality is very much like my mother’s (who can be very irrational and stubborn at times) so knowing how much of a trooper my dad is in handling her, I also wanted to find the same qualities that he has in a future spouse. For example before I got married, I wanted my future spouse to be someone with a lot of patience, someone loving, hilarious, kind hearted, well spoken, forgiving, understanding, has the ability to cope with my stubbornness, etc.

    With that being said, it’s not something that we can find immediately in someone that we meet, and granted we can’t expext everyone that we meet to be the exact same way as we want, and sometimes you can’t help falling for someone who doesn’t have any of the qualities listed on your criteria. Sometimes you may even get lucky and find someone who meets everything on your list, and sometimes you might only meet someone who meets a few of the qualities on your list.
     
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  2. Lord Valgaav

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    I'd like someone who compliments my own qualities or who can make up for what I lack.

    I'm very jokey so I'd like someone with a great sense of humor. I'm an emotional tight-ass and to myself, so I'd like someone who's affectionate and outgoing.

    Physically speaking, I'd prefer someone my height or shorter than I am. I'm 5'5, so that's not too difficult. No tats, little to no piercings, and I'd like for them to be as natural as possible.
     
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  3. Natty

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    Ideally, I want someone who can make me laugh out loud regularly. Someone who I can make laugh and crack a smile when they're a bit down.

    I've always been a colossal wreck in terms of depression and mental illness so someone who understands me fundamentally with those things I feel is important to me. I want a hug and kind words when I'm depressed, reassurance when I'm anxious, and occasionally leaving me alone when I need it. Understanding those boundaries when it comes to my problems is something I'd appreciate a lot.

    I need someone who can stomach my fucking neediness when it comes to affection. I'm an affectionate person and when I get to that point, I just wanna gush to how much I love them to them and tell them they're the prettiest/beautiful girl in the world and lots and lots of handholding/cuddling. I want to do stuff with them, spend some time with them, but also have a bit of alone time together. Affection in return would be wonderful too.

    I had a dead bedroom situation in a previous relationship. I'm not really that thirsty for sexual contact but I do need something. Someone well versed in kink would be great, but someone who can let me practice that outside of the boundaries of the relationship if they can't stomach it would work.

    I'm not that picky when it comes to physically. I just need to be attracted to them. Not a huge fan of the masculine girl look but someone toeing the line would be alright. Lipstick lesbo desiring another.

    And uh, goal oriented/passionate people really get my gears going. They also help me mentally as it's usually something I can work with them!! A passion is important cause it's such such a huge turn on for me when people talk about what they're passionate about. And I want them to have a life of their own! I'm not their entire world, I'm just a slice of that pie.

    also someone who loves me back. I think that's important. :catflower
     
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  4. cobe42

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    I honestly have no idea i get a a lot of mixed reviews from older people who are more experienced in life than me.
     
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  5. White Wolf

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    I don't think I look for much, in the initial phases just want some strong sense of conversation, where we can lose ourselves in conversation for hours and hours even over the dumbest most trivial of things. I find the best/strongest relationships have some roots in friendship, whether they start out as such or just how the dating grows you have a friendly bond that transcends simply "being a couple".

    Good communication and good conversation are one of the most important things, whether times are good or bad the way you can discuss and work things out is the key to progression. No one should expect happiness 24/7, or that fights won't ever occur, but when you love each other being able to talk and resolve issues reasonably should come naturally.

    A sense of spontaneity and adventure would really do wonders for both of us, being able to just go out into the world and experience things that neither have experienced before together, not only would it be incredible fun, but also a great way to bond and learn more about one another. When you're thrown into the world and into the unknown you can really shed a lot of the uncertainties and layers that you might hide otherwise. Getting a good grasp of one another's character and developing the feelings further.

    Support also is pretty imperative, mutual unconditional support. When you love someone and are loved by someone you shouldn't leave them hanging or to bear all the burden themselves. Neither should they leave you hanging. Being there for one another in the good and the bad is what really makes things strong and long lasting.

    Other things I find important is that she is as excited to talk to me as I am with her, it's never fun being the 2nd/3rd/4th/5th go-to if everyone else is too busy to talk. Some people might expect that if you love them you'll stick around forever while being pushed back in the line of importance, but rarely do things work out like that. Decent sense of humor and liking my own sense of humor to some extent, being able to make her smile and laugh is an amazing feeling and would really lighten up the day(s).

    Physically only really care as much as "I wanna look at you for the rest of my life", shorter than me, blonde, blue eyes, if I really wanted to be picky, but yeah. I think if I love someone then to me they're already the most beautiful person in the world and my eyes are all on them, every day. Whether it's the morning or the night, they're on my mind.

    But I'm rather idealistic and optimistic filled with naivety, so whether that's a lot or not, I don't even know anymore.
     
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  6. Jim

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    I'd probably prefer someone who wouldn't need attention or give it.
     
  7. Lord Valgaav

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    This is Jim's wedding photo.

     
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  8. White Wolf

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    Humans are needy beings generally, most crave attention to some extent. Of course that isn't a constant thing, and everyone can use some space at times, but if that's all it is, then it doesn't really define as a relationship in the first place.
     
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  9. Natty

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    Keep in mind you're talking to Jim.

    Someone who has gotten married, hasn't really touched his wife, gives his wife no attention, and is now separated and he doesn't have any feelings good or bad to it.

    I wish I could add a jk:catsuicide
     
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  10. Lord Valgaav

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    None of this was in the Jim thread. :pepethink
     
  11. Natty

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    Here's your chance to add it!

    Real talk, I'm being completely serious in that post.
     
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  12. White Wolf

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    Yeah I know, he won't get the woes of normal people wanting some love and affection. At least he'll always have vidya and mom.
     
  13. Natty

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    Inb4 Jim's post.

    "I'm normal"
     
  14. Lord Valgaav

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    j/k
     
  15. Jim

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    and you don't believe it :hm
     
  16. RemChu

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    was it arranged marriage?

    @Jim are you O-okay?
     
  17. Natty

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    Yes it was
     
  18. Jim

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    I'm normal
     
  19. RemChu

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    Ok, that makes a bit more sense.

    Don't mean to pry into your business Jim, sorry.
     
  20. Jim

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    I don't mind, it's funny :awesome
     
  21. Yamato

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    Commitment and standing besides me. Being honest and not always so blunt. Can be tender and cuddly especially when falling asleep or waking up, or at most time of the day is nice too :blobcuddle:blobmelt
    Being there for me and if not in each other's presence, I wouldn't mind text spams wondering what I am up to.
    Is stable, mentally and lifestyle. Going beyond what they are normally used to doing and can make me smile even when I am upset at them.
     
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  22. Jim

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    I think those types of relationships end up with shallow and predictable flattery.
     
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  23. Haze

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    I guess I'd like to think that I'm luckier and got lucky with my husband because he meets majority of the qualities, characteristics, and personality that I wanted in a potential spouse. The interesting thing is that I never found this in any of the guys that I had dated in the past, but in the back of my mind these were all of the things I wanted from the person that I would want to spend the rest of my life with. I will have to be honest and say that as friends, I would've never thought that he and I would be a match for one another and he wasn't ideally someone I would ever picture myself with either. Anyway, aside from him meeting all of the qualifications for me, I feel like I'm able to give him the same things that he wanted in a potential spouse, in return.

    I suppose I should start replying to some of these..

    There's nothing wrong with that.

    Yeah, having someone with a great sense of humor who also gets your jokes and is able to joke around with you is great. Personally, when you understand each others' humor, it makes the relationship a lot more fun and enjoyable.

    Nice, nice. Everyone has their personal preference.

    Humor is great, my friend. I don't know how any relationship would be without humor, then again I don't think I've ever seen any relationship that is completely dead serious unless it's a loveless marriage :/ I think normally, it's harder for people who do have a mental illness to open up completely to their partner, or be comfortable opening up without feeling like it's an inconvenience to them. It really takes a person with a big heart to be open and understanding to be able to absorb it all.

    Ah nice.

    Eh.. you like what you like I guess, but everyone's preference is different. A lot of the things that people say are all based on their personal experiences. Sometimes people have an idea of what they want, and that eventually turns out to be something that they don't want in the long run. Eventually you'll figure it out and the only way to find out is by dating people.
     
  24. Haze

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    I'm gonna reply even though I don't have to, but I really liked your post. These are great qualities you've listed and I'm positive you'll be able to find that. IMO, I believe there's someone like that waiting for you out there. I never thought that I'd find someone I'd end up with who I feel is a perfect fit for me, and it happened to be someone I was friends with for years. There's someone for everyone out there :skysun
     
  25. Kuya

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    I'm a firm believer in the 80/20 rule. As long as she (or he) can give you at least 80% of what you really want, you can have everlasting happiness as you adapt to or accept the other 20%.
     
  26. Haze

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    Yessss, agreed
     
  27. White Wolf

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    Thank you. :catfeels

    I feel demotivated at times (a lot of the times) since I'm in a way really old fashioned. Where some people just wanna quick fuck like a sick fuck I'm more thinking about a nice cozy home with the love of my life. I know though it's bound to happen someday, just gotta keep on trucking.

    That's pretty great that your friendship bloomed into a family of your own. I think we often overlook the things that are closest to us, but eventually everything falls in place the way it's meant to be, if it's meant to be. Coming from a place of friendship I imagine helps a lot too with how close and at ease you can be with one another, lose a lot of the false pretense that comes with "new" relationships where everything is following some kind of ruleset and schedule before you can just be yourself and they love you for it.
     
  28. Natty

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    A straight up serious relationship would be fuckin BORING. I like a lil bit of teasing, it's fun and loving!! But I'm sure you know this already.

    I'm fortunate I have someone who can really understand me, like actually REALLY understand me. I don't feel like I can understand her in the same way, but I try my best and I try to be welcoming and accepting. I hope she can see that, I'm sure she does but I'm an insecure mess of emotions. I don't want my partner to feel inconvenient or a burden! It's actually the opposite to me. She ain't no burden ever, and is never inconvenient.

    :catadorbs
     
    Last edited: Nov 14, 2018
  29. Jim

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    sarcastic relationships all the way!
    j/k
     
  30. White Wolf

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    Sarcastic relationships can be cute if both parties know each other's sense of humor well.
     
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