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Written: Hinata vs Naruto

Discussion in 'Naruto Fanworks' started by kaps, Jan 31, 2005.

  1. kaps

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    Warning: This is very long, only read if you have time. On wordperfect it is four pages. Have fun, and feel free to post your thoughts!


    Hyuuga Hinata

    vs

    Uzumaki Naruto​

    Hinata stared up at the selection screen in disbelief. She felt all breath escape her lungs as she discovered her opponent for the next round. Fear set in and she felt her heart beat rapidly in her chest.
    ?Oh no!? She exclaimed.
    She barely noticed when somebody brushed up against her from behind. A serene voice followed.
    ?I know how you feel about him, but you are a Hyuuga! You must win against him, even if I could not.? Neji?s voice was anything but reassuring. He carried with him the burden of being a Hyuuga and had just passed it on to Hinata. It was all he said and walked away to let the weight of it seep in to Hinata. This was her worst nightmare come true. Her head dropped down as she heard the raucous hooting and hollering of the crowd in the stands above; awaiting their next show. Obviously, from witnessing the previous battles from Naruto they had already decided their winner, and Hinata did not fall under that category. She felt hopelessly alone and she shook with the battle to come.
    ?Hey,? she heard a feminine voice call. A soft hand rest on her shoulder, giving her a small comfort. ?They?re waiting for you.?
    Hinata looked over her shoulder to see the much-taller Sakura looking down at her. She had a smile across her face, but it seemed forced. She too knew of Naruto?s strength, and also of Hinata?s feelings. How she did, Hinata did not know, but she felt like she was standing beside somebody who knew exactly what she was feeling at this moment.
    Sakura gave Hinata?s shoulder a light squeeze and looked out to the arena ahead. Recent battles had made the stage a sure picture of destruction. The walls of the court were brimmed with shurikens, kunais, and other ninja weaponry. The field layout had been destroyed: boulders lay against the walls, opposite their original placement, and trees no longer stood valiantly, but with weakness, as their trunks were shredded. The all-eager fans awaited with expectant eyes.
    She walked onto the grass of the stage with her head hung low and her heart cracked in more places than one. The sight of Naruto running around looking for applause would normally have put a smile on her face, but this was no time for any such thing. She felt the darkness surround her and the jests from arrogant fans made her sink deeper into her hollow.
    She came to the center of the arena and kept her eyes averted from Naruto. He looked very much different in his new outfit; his last had been so shredded in his previous matches that he could no longer wear it as he would be half-naked. This new one made im look more mature and slimmed his tall figure.
    Not only in outfit, Naruto had also recently been acting a lot more mature. It had been nearly three years since Hinata had first seen Naruto in the National Tournament. He was nearly fifteen and had grown out of his former childish look.
    When he saw her he stopped looking for applause a put on a wide smile. ?Don?t worry, Hinata, I?ll go easy on you.? He gave her a thumbs up and the sarcastic tone on his voice eased her fear a little bit, but she did not return a reaction. She looked down at the grass with a dark brooding, and her shoulders slumped as if she was carrying a massive weight. In fact, she was carrying a weight: the burden of the Hyuuga.
    The Hyuuga family was well known among the village with their advanced bloodline ability, the Byakugan. Naruto had nothing but a demon trapped inside him. He was an outcast; looked down upon since birth. In some ways, Hinata and he were alike: both of them suffered from being inferior to others, and were not held in high regard. Yet, the load of the Hyuuga still weighed heavily down upon her; it was her duty to win against Naruto, even if her superior could not. And with this weight came Hinata?s indescribable fear; that is to hurt Naruto.
    Naruto noticed her downcast state and relayed his good-guy stature. Suddenly he was very serene and calm and his voice lowered while his composure loosened. When he spoke it was with he looked confidently at Hinata with his fist clenched.
    ?Hinata, your parents are wrong. You are like me. We are looked at as inferiors by ones that are supposed to love us.? His voice now held emotion; this was a touchy subject with him. ?We must prove that we are not lesser then them, and today, on this battlefield we can prove it.?
    Hinata kept her head low; their was no way she could ever live up to Neji, no matter how hard she tried, he always beat her. But she wanted to believe him so much; she wanted to believe that her father would accept her.
    ?Neither of us may be a genius like Neji, but you have seen what is possible? The great soon-to-be-Hokage Uzumaki Naruto beat such a genius. And you can surpass them, just like me!? He gave a thumbs up.
    There was sense in his words and it gave Hinata a whole new perspective on the battle. She could prove that she was strong, and this battle was the test.
    The announcer came between them and nodded his assent to each of them. When he was satisfied he started the match with a yell to the air.
    The time seemed to slow as Hinata raced toward the broadly smiling Naruto. She closed the distance in half-a-second and swung her chakra glowing hand at him. Yet, she did not want to hurt him, so she aimed low: toward his hip, and put very little chakra into it. Naruto deflected her hand with a swing of his arm, and was about to counter, when he noticed it was a faint. Hinata spun quickly around after the deflection and kicked the back of his leg out from under him. He brought a hand to save his fall and built his momentum into a kick that was aimed for Hinata?s ribs. The kick swung through air as Hinata cartwheeled above it and kicked the hand that held up Naruto. He slammed into the ground. Hinata hesitated from a maneuver that could possibly have been a match-winner and allowed Naruto to roll out of the way. Part of her wanted her father?s acceptance, but the other wanted to have no doing into hurting Naruto.
    Naruto was on his feet and he formed a symbol in his hands. ?Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!? He yelled and a bunch of replicas seemed to form out of him.
    Hinata cartwheeled backwards and chopped her hand at the oncoming replica, which exploded into a fit of smoke. A second ran behind her and tried to kick out her feet; Hinata hopped and brought a glowing hand into the ribs of the clone behind her.
    Naruto put all his power into a punch and swung it at Hinata. She put herself in a stance to deflect it when something seemed to explode out of Naruto?s stomach. This Naruto was also a replica as a kunai ripped through its stomach toward Hinata.
    ?He used his own replica as a distraction, and destroyed it?? She cried in her head. She did not have time to get out of the way. The kunai was coming full speed toward her stomach and would land any second.
    Suddenly her legs were kicked out from beneath her and she dropped to the ground. The kunai only cut along her cheek. A following leg slammed into her side and her body propelled through the air. She hit the ground hard and rolled a couple meters. Dust flew through the air; unsettled at the recent tumbling corpse and created a plume in the air.

    well...seems you cna only have 10000 characters...preview the reply.
     
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  2. kaps

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    hvn ctd:

    The blow to her ribs sent a river of pain through her body and she convulsed at the hit. Blood seeped into her eye from the cut on her cheek and she blinked painfully at it.
    The crowd was silent. Was it over? So soon?
    ?Get up!? Yelled Naruto. ?You are not weak Hinata, get?
    ?Don?t,? she whispered. ?You dare underestimate me!? She pushed herself up and stood shakily to her feet.
    ?You are better than this, Hinata. You must come at me with the intent to kill me if you hope to prove you aren?t weak.? Naruto growled; echoing Kakashi?s words.
    ?If that is what you want, Naruto-kun. I will try.? She said in her tiny voice. To do that, Hinata knew that she needed more maneuverability; this jacket was cumbersome.

    ?No way!? Neji said in a strained voice as he watched the battle. His hands clenched tightly on the railing until his knuckles turned white and his breathing turned ragged. His eyes were wide-open with surprise and even fear as he watched the events fold out.
    ?What?s the problem?? Sakura asked him. It looked to her like Naruto was winning, what could turn the tide of the battle now? Naruto was too fast and too smart for her, what could she do? That technique with the decoy clone was brilliant; Sakura had never seen anybody throw a kunai through their own replica.
    ?Hinata never takes off her jacket.? His voice was even more breathless than before. It was almost a whisper. ?Never.?
    There stood Hinata in the field, no longer shaking on her feet, but readied in a stance with her hand outstretched in front of her while the other unzipped her jacket slowly. It slid off her shoulder and dropped to the floor. Her figure was...surprising. Sakura had never really seen Hinata as pretty, but this made her look beautiful: her figure was very prominent. Sakura was almost envious.
    ?But it must limit her movement, why doesn?t she take it off normally??
    ?Exactly why she keeps it on; she doesn?t want to hurt anybody. Without that jacket she is as fast as me.? Neji turned his head to Sakura with a dark look in his eyes. ?She means business.?

    The air rustled through Hinata?s hair and blew it into her face. The air formed through her figure and gave her a cold shiver; it was nice. She could feel the difference now: her arms moved faster and her torso spun quicker. It felt nice. She had never dreamed of taking that jacket off for any battle. She never wanted to hurt anybody; least of all Naruto. But he had forced her to this. It was his mistake.
    She drew a kunai and whipped it at Naruto. He dodged it, but missed Hinata?s fist. Naruto?s eyes widened in surprise. She had run as quickly as the kunai flew? The hit landed and Naruto felt a rib crack beneath his skin. He let out a grunt and dropped to a knee.
    ?One hit, and this happens?? Naruto exclaimed in his mind.
    Another hit landed him in the shoulder and his arm fell limp, while a third landed him in the chest. All of this happened in a split second. Naruto flew backwards and landed flat on the ground. He forced himself up onto his feet and stood limply looking down at the crouching Hinata just a foot from him.
    ?Hakkeshou: Rokujuu Yonshou (trans. Hand of the Eight Divinations: Sixty-four Palms)!? She whispered into her fingers, and brought threw them at Naruto?s body.
    ?Two!? She yelled as his limp arm was hit.
    ?Four!?
    ?Eight!?
    ?16!?
    ?Thirty?
    ?No!? Naruto yelled as he brought slammed his arms into her upcoming attack.

    ?What?? Yelled Neji. His face was ashen, confused, and fearful all mingled together as he stared at the fight. ?How was she able to do that technique in the first place? And he stopping it, how?s it possible??
    ?It?s Naruto,? Sakura said with a sly smile. ?He isn?t gonna be beaten down by the same technique.?

    Naruto pushed Hinata away from him and backed off a couple steps. He was in that same pain Neji had put him in; as if his body was bubbling beneath the surface with no holes to escape, but it was only the half of his body. He still had a good arm and moderately moveable legs. His breathing was shallow and he forced the pain as far back as he could: he couldn?t lose this fight, but he himself did not want to hurt Hinata, she was weird yes, but she was innocent also.
    ?Naruto-kun ?
    ?don?t stop. You must prove yourself. There is no emotion on the battlefield. You must beat me.? He wished so that he could win, but he had put himself at too much of a disadvantage already. In the beginning he had let Hinata hit him, but she had gotten too fast for him now. He could barely see her movements now, this was a bad situation, and he had to win, but so did she. This was no normal battle. This battle proved to everyone that they were not inferiors, and whoever won lost that disgracing title. He wanted to win, but he wanted her to win also; he knew the pain to carry such a burden.
    ?I don?t want to hurt you, though.? Hinata said under her breath, she hoped Naruto hadn?t heard, but he had.
    ?There is more at risk here then a few cuts and bruises, don?t worry you couldn?t hurt me that much anyway!? He smiled and gave a shaky thumbs up. He knew it wasn?t the truth, and his sight also showed everyone otherwise. He was bleeding graciously out of his mouth and it stained the top of his jacket. Inside he knew the truth; his whole body felt like it had been crushed by a giant boulder.
    Hinata stood straight and dropped her head, a tear ran down her cheek. She had to do this.
    ?Fine if that is what you want, it is what I will do.? She paused; sorting through her feelings. ?Naruto-kun, please forgive me for what I am about to do.?
    He smiled at her through his blood-stained mouth. It was not condescending, nor insulting, it was full of pride. It gave her a second?s thought on what she was gonna do; gave her a warmth of knowing he was waiting for this, but along with that, came the regret that she was gonna wipe that smile off his face.
    ?Rid myself of emotion. Killer intent.? She repeated the words in her head and closed her eyes. Her breathing slowed and she could feel the chakra seep out of her. All around the blue glow of the chakra emanated and its thick tendrils felt along the landscape. She could feel the warmth of it seclude her. When she opened her eyes if felt like she could see further, and everything was sharper, she had no doubt where every single hole was on Naruto that let out the chakra.

    Neji backed up into the wall behind him out of fear Hinata?s chakra would consume him. It slithered over him like a snake and although it gave him a warmth, it filled him with fear.
    ?It?s not possible.? There was far more fear on his voice than he had thought to control. ?She should not be able to do this. She is too young!?
    ?What is she doing, Neji?? Sakura was fearful too, and she was as tightly against the wall as he.
    ?She is becoming a murderer, even I cannot conjure that technique.? His voice was erratic and mixed words as he spoke. ?Her mind has no emotion. To her, this is now a life and death battle. She has purged herself of all feeling; she could tear Naruto apart.?

    The dust settled on the ground and the chakra in the air faded as Hinata?s breathing slowed.
    Naruto barely had time to exhale when it was burst out of him with a fist to his stomach. His insides felt like they were being torn out at the impact. Another blow appeared between his shoulder blades and for a second his heart stopped. He felt like his chest had shattered, but another blow to his neck shut out all thoughts. His eyes coated with black as he dropped to the earth.
    Before he hit the ground a knee caught him in the chest and he flew up into the air.
    ?I.? Hinata yelled as another kick caught Naruto in the ribs.
    ?Am!? He flew sideways through the air and landed onto the ground where he was picked up and tossed a little into the air.
    ?Not!? Both of her hands placed side-by-side slammed into his chest.
    He was high into the air, where the only light he could see from the sun was a blinding flash every so often he was hit with another attack.
    ?Inferior!? She screamed it her loudest as she clenched both her hands together above her head and started to bring them down as a final attack.
    The words rang through the stadium and echoed loudly into everyone?s ears. Neji fell to the ground and cried into his hands as Sakura stood breathlessly as the beating Naruto took. She had never seen Naruto take such a beating, and with the Hyuuga?s bloodline limit, she wasn?t sure Naruto would live through this.
    Naruto thought of the battle as best he could. He imagined Hinata?s happiness at her father?s acceptance. A smile drew on his face. He was happy for her.
    Hinata saw Naruto?s smile and emotion finally came back into her mind. She couldn?t do this. This would kill Naruto. She separated her hands and brought them underneath Naruto and cradled him as they dropped to the ground. She slowly slid him onto the earth, with his eyes closed.
    The battle was over. Naruto knew this. Hinata had won.
    The announcer came over with a team of paramedics behind him. He touched the side of Naruto?s face and addressed the audience.
    ?The winner is?
    ?Uzumaki Naruto.? Hinata interrupted. The announcer looked at her stunned. ?I forfeit. He is the one who helped me win this match. So he is the one who wins.?
    ?But, he?s incapacitated, you have won. You could go on in the tournament.?
    ?I forfeit. Naruto wins. It?s my decision.
    ?Alright.? He turned to the audience. ?Due to opponent withdrawal, the winner is Uzumaki Naruto.?
    The crowd was silent.

    Written and Edited by: Kaps
     
  3. GRyDLOCK

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    Nice ending, good detail, kickass.
     
  4. Nyarlathotep

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    I moved it in the fanfiction section for obvious reasons... it's fanfiction.

    Anyway, I would have prefered if you put spaces, my eyes hurt. It was really weird that you had Naruto (of all people) getting beat up by Hinata, and Neji getting scared by her made you lose big points in my biased point of view.

    Other than that, it's a good fanfiction, although I dislike Hinata.
     
    Last edited: Feb 1, 2005
  5. Strider M

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    *in the audience*

    "....you know back in the day of the World Martial Arts Tournament (Dragon Ball) Where most of the battles were like... Mindless fun? ..... All these battles here are like....filled with emotion"

    But's it's all good! It's all good!
     
  6. chdragonfly

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    is there more?? omg, this is really good!! i loved it....*so jealous now*...
     
  7. kaps

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    I figured it must've been apparent but here I'll tie up a few loose ends...

    Naruto did not lose to Hinata, really, he began by letting her hit him so that she would eventually actually start trying to beat him, but then with the byakugan punch, and her combo his insides were so beaten up that he couldn't move. But I figured how else can you make those two fight. Hinata likes Naruto, and Naruto knows the feelings that both of them are kinda looked down upon for various reasons, so I thought this was the only way to really depict the fight.
    ...
    if you wanted to you could always just think that at the end Naruto was happy that she had proven himself that he just gave up....
    ...
    but thats just if youre too hardcore about it :p

    Also Neji was not afraid of Hinata, he was afraid for Naruto. As is shown in some of the anime and manga that after the fight btw Naruto and Neji, Neji has a new respect for Naruto so he was actually afraid of Naruto getting ripped apart by a 'murderer' such as an emotionless Hyuuga, as you may remember Neji at least gave NAruto a time to give up, someone emotionless would not have given the chance, they would fight to kill.

    Well I hope you liked it, it took me a bit.

    Kaps
     
  8. Sesshoumaru

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    Grammar was decent. Spelling was decent. Plot was decent.

    A few things that I found wrong:

    1) There is no national tournament in the Naruto universe.

    2) If you are doing a future 3rd exam, there is no scoreboard that randomizes the contestants. They know their opponents before-hand.

    3) If you are doing the prelims, they are not conducted before a huge crowd of spectators.

    4) No matter how great you make Hinata, she is still inferior to Neji. I doubt 3 years will show that she has improved to his level or better than his level. Neji is a genius compared to her.

    4) Neji is not so emotional as you had portrayed him in the story. The way you portaryed him made him sound like a wuss.

    5) If Hinata is moving faster than Naruto could see, then he cannot break out of her Rokujuuyon shou.

    6) Naruto is oblivious to Hinata's feelings about him. He likes her, but he wouldn't purposely give up a match like that. His dream is to become Hokage and not even kind person like Hinata will stand in his way.

    Final Grade: C
     
  9. DBoon

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    i doubt neji would really be phased by much of anything hinata can do, even though i myself love hinata. I also think that naruto would have fought at 100 percent against her.
     
  10. kaps

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    oo that stings, but yeah, its hard to depict someone else's vision, so i did the best i can. At least you were honest, thanks
     
  11. liminosse

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    i liked it a lot :) and whos to say neji wouldn't go downon his knees and tear up a bit at seing the true power of the head family, though i woulda probly made him do something like bow down on his hands and knees while she was releaseing her chakra, and this is when naruto is about 15y/o? who can really say he doesn't know about hinata liking him?... im sorry to shatter your bubble but truth be told you can't be sure if neji is still stronger then hinata in the manga, its all up to kishimotos mind, if he says it, then its Naruto, gotta face the fact that someday hinata may be stronger the neji, besides that, how do you KNOW there isn't a national tournament in Narutos world? they never said there was, but they never said there wasn't either. in the manga at this point you can't be sure of anything, not enough has been revealed, its almost like its all new, least thats the way i see it

    anyways, Kaps i loved hope you do more...
     
  12. Cirbo

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    This was really good but I don't like the jacket part, first of all she took off the jacket on the 3rd chuunin exam (had some kind of dress clothes on), also I just don't like the concept.
     
  13. grilledcrab

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    that was hardcore. hoho. but it was interesting nonetheless. thanks for the effort!
     
  14. dummy plug

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    its....entertaining...nice for a beginner...
     
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