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You ever think there's more

Discussion in 'The NF Café' started by martryn, Apr 14, 2005.

  1. martryn

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    I just wanted to know if other people in the world thought about things the same way I did.

    Growing up, I was led to believe that I would do everything I ever wanted. Life was full of possibilities. Now that I'm at the age where I have to think about careers and wives and kids and bills and taxes, things are starting to look different and I sorta want out.

    I look around me and I see all my friends getting married and settling down, and it scares me. I don't have a single friend who is not either married or engaged, and I'm only 22 (in a month). What the hell? My best friend in high school got married at 19 and dropped out of college to work as a janitor at a high school to support his wife and kid. This guy was brilliantly smart, a talented writer, and a big history/religion buff, and now he's got no future outside of his family. We used to always hang out on the weekends. I knew him better than anyone, and he me. I used to give him advice on everything, and if something happened in his life, I knew about it. We were hella close. But then he got married. I go months without seeing him, and when I do, he won't leave the house as he doesn't want to leave his wife and kid alone. I know I can't blame him for it, but I can't believe that our friendship means so little to him now that he can't free up an hour once every couple of months to have lunch and catch up. And when they invite me over for cake and tea or something, I arrive and they seem to not notice me, going about their routine whilst I sit and wait in the living room for someone to talk to me.

    I don't want this to happen to me. I don't want to settle down. I don't want to have kids in the next five years. Yet every girlfriend I get seem to think that that is the most important thing right now. Guys are the ones who pop the question, right? So why are they the ones always bringing it up? Why do I have to tell women I am seeing I love them when I don't? Why can't two people date for fun and recreational sex? Where are the women who I CAN fall in love with, the ones that think the same as I, and feel that they don't have to settle down and start a bloody family the moment we get married?

    I want to travel. I want to live in hotels. I want to go from job to job. I want to find a group of pals who don't have to answer to a feminine presence. I still believe that big things await me, and that life is still full of itself. That I am special in some way and don't have to conform to the conditions and standards that society seems all too content to set. That the big adventure that is life doesn't have to stop just because I am adult. That the tedium I am experiencing now is passing. That life isn't over yet.

    Anyone else feel that way? Anyone feel that life is sorta not as exciting as you get older, yet it shoud be? What am I doing wrong?

    Teenagers, live it up now, and don't give in to peer pressure. Don't burn bridges.
     
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  2. Stealth Tomato

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    Welcome to the world of Murphy's laws, man.
    When it can't possibly get worse, it does.
    In the end, you will do what you want. You will do what you feel is best for you. Whether you choose to live within the tight limits that society has put on you or to discard those limits, it is, in the end, your choice.

    Just remember that the grass isn't always greener on the other side.
     
  3. Shinobu inactive

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    I think when your in your 20's, that you shouldn't have to worry about getting married or stuff like that.Getting married is when your settling down, and at that age it doesnt seem like a good time, unless your fianancial ready to support a whole family.I think marriage should be in your 30's because you still have time to live and explore.Its best to enjoy your life when your young, because when you get old, you'll be too busy raising your kids and paying a buttload of bills.

    Well just dont get married yet and enjoy life. :smile-big
     
  4. UltraSynaptic SeizureNinja

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    I've been thinking the same way recently as well. The thing is, you gotta grab opportunity by the balls in order to really get the most out of life. That's what I've done, and even though I can honestly tell you that not much has changed, its still interesting nonetheless.
     
  5. Stealth Tomato

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    Just don't get to feeling like your hand is forced, because if you think it is, it will be.
     
  6. Neji 25

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    hmm, i noticed your situation is very different from at least the people i know in their 20s. Mostly people your age are in college and their more worried about what to do in their life and the LAST thing they have in their mind is having a family. Could be society? Where do you live? I swear, at least in Miami, Fl....NO ONE wants kids or get married at your age range. I mean, everyone wants to study, party, explore the world while they can. COME LIVE OVER HERE! =P

    OK well honestly, dont feel stressed or pressured because everyone you know is settling that way. Its their loss. They may seem happy for a while that they're all settled and married...but when they hit their 30s and over, they're going to regret having "grown" so early. Then you can be like "well I SURE did enjoy my youth". Seriously, we only live once. And you're going to be 22 only once.
    I'm female and i certainly DO NOT want to get married or be anywhere near a kid til I'm at least 25. My best advice is to follow what YOU think is right. Coz it is your life. No one elses. And dont suffer for your friend's early family situations. It's not fair for you. All you can do is sigh in relief and be HAPPY you're not in their shoes!

    Be happy ::hands cookie::
     
  7. Zero5

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    I'm pretty young and some of that went over my head and some of it I understood.
    Like the thing about all your friends getting married I kinda get left behind seeing all my friends getting girlfriends and not me. I feel glad for them but they just get more distant with me and I see less and less of them and them learn less about what is going on with them.
    As i've gotten older i've found that things that used to be fun have gotten duller. Just gotta make the best of it.
     
  8. kitlim

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    Well, I am 21 and marriage is the last thing on my mine at the moment. I think that when you are in your early 20s, you feel that there are lots of possibilities in your life that you want to explore, and you don't want to give up these opportunities as yet by getting married and carrying a huge burden of responsibilities and burden. But I do believe that there will be a time that you will need to come to settle down. And I guess that the best time to do that for a guy is when you are nearing your 30s and in your 30s. I don't know about the rest, but I am a firm believer that you will not be complete if you don't start your own family. It's part of the family life cycle.
     
  9. martryn

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    *Makes plans to move to Miami*

    I live in Southern Arkansas, and I am the exception here, not the rule. In lab the other day the girls in my class were telling each other to hurry up and get pregnant and have a kid already. My female lab partner (who got married over Spring Break) was telling me that she's pregnant already, and she was encouraging another girl who got married last year to have one too, and the other girl's response? She's trying to.

    It seems like down here that 75% of the seniors are married. I feel incredibly odd. Why would the top female student in the chemistry department throw away med school for kids. Once you have a kid, finding the time to go back to med school is going to be hella hard.

    You're a girl? Geez, who'd have thunk it?

    And I'm with you. I want to get married and have kids... some day, but not until my late twenties early thirties when I'm financially secure, like Shinobu said. Until then, i want to travel and see the world.

    *eats cookie*

    Oh man, don't say that. You're only thirteen, much too young to think life is getting boring. I guess it'll pick up for you around 15, so don't let that go when it comes around. Live it up, and don't stop living it up until life forces you to. When I was 13 I was STILL playing GI Joe and Ninja Turtles.

    And you don't need a girlfriend yet. At least wait until you can drive to start TRYING to get one, as that's sorta a requirement in most places for a successful date: transportation. But at the same time, don't let oppurtunties that present themselves pass you up, just don't go looking for them.
     
  10. Neji 25

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    are you serious??! Thats crazy how these girls you say actually plan and talk about that. I dont want to stereotype, but you're in the south, and it's rep is usually really young people having 743897829 children already..etc. (although Miami is even lower, but its a big city and ..well im sure you know, its a melting pot of culture)
    wow, i feel for you, just COME OVER HERE. I know if you go to a major city you wouldnt encounter that. People are like AFRAID of marriage and of pregnancy at that age. Hope you liked the cookie =P
     
  11. martryn

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    Well I thought it was odd myself, so I'm glad that I'm not the only one who thinks this way. Course I've never fit in down here in the South. I like small cars, not big trucks. I like punk, not country. My favorite sport is hockey, not baseball or Nascar. I wear pants, not jeans. Ect.

    My current best friend was a bachelor like me until last summer when he met a girl (I introduced them, damnit!) and now has fallen head over heels in love with her. It wouldn't be so bad, except that he ditches me all the time for her. An example:
    The two of us were going to see our girlfriends' dance thingy (they both were members of the same troupe). We show up together, go in together, but he strikes up a conversation with his girlfriends mom and then proceeds to ignore me. She doesn't seem to know I am there. Next thing you know, he's sitting between her and his girlfriend's aunt, and he still hasn't introduced me or acknowledged that I'm still there, and I'm left sitting by myself several rows back.

    It's not that I don't want to fall in love or meet the right one, its just that I don't want to sacrifice what I have now: freedom. I feel just like Bambi did in that Disney movie.
     
  12. darkmask

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    I currently dont have a girlfriend but one day I was hanging out with this girl while her boyfriend was away on some trip. We were just messin around (Nothing Dirty) and like somehow we got on the topic of marriage and she told me that were gonna get married. I played alog thinking it was a joke and she told me she would be right back. She went to her room (Still lives with parents) and came back with like 10 Wedding Magazines, I still thoguht she was just seeing how far I would go so I played a long. Yeah well I think this girl actually wants to marry me and im only 20! She said we would get married in like 5 years or something, I really didint think about this until I read this topic.

    I really dont wanna get married at a young age, if I do I wont be able to join the Special Forces.
     
  13. martryn

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    Always a catch, eh? Well, I don't see any purpose of getting married at a young age. One of the girlfriends I was talking about seemed really serious about marriage and dragged me off to jewlers and what not to look for engagement rings. I told her that if she was serious, then we should move in together, and she was totally against it. She was okay with sex, but not with living together, yet she was the one who wanted to get hitched as soon as possible. Doesn't make sense to me.
     
  14. Kaeriuchi

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    Basically I agree fully with your post....except ^this^ bit. :huh
    But anyway. :p
    I guess it's almost become a tradition, settle down, get married --> have kids.
    I don't get it either. XD My parents kept saying "When you have kids, blabla", and they were so surprised when I said I probably don't even want kids.
    It IS possible, you know. Do what you want with your life.
     
  15. martryn

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    Well, to clarify:

    When I date a girl for very long, sooner or later she is going to say those three little words and expect a reply. I guard love very ferociously, and it is hard for me to just tell a girl that I love them, yet that is what they expect.

    As for the dating thing... why does dating always have to be a precursor to marriage for most girls? When I date, I just wanna have fun and be with someone. I want to feel important to someone, and have some support from someone when I need it. And I'm not sex crazy, or anything. Its nice, but there are better things in the world. Usually its the women in the relationship who always initiate sex with me, not the other way around. And I don't try to stop them, but there are times when they think it meant something more than it did. They force it on me, not that I was unwilling or offer any amount of protest, and yet then they make it seem like I'm obligated to them? No thank you!
     
  16. erosennin-fin

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    get a grip of yourself!!! if u think theres great things in life that are about to happen to u, they wont happen if u sit there waiting for it :nono . i'd say get that trip to somewhere far away and live!!! travelling isnt that expensive if u dont buy your trips from travelling agents. and for the woman part theres propably one whos thinking the same way... u just have to find her!
     
  17. martryn

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    Well, I do have a plan...

    I have been practicing really hard on my poker game, have read all the books, studied the moves on TV, and even know casino etiquette. This weekend I am being sponsored to play at the Hollywood casino in Shreveport. Talk about living a dream. If I can make this work for me...

    But I can't really go anywhere at the moment as I am already being tied down with school, and I'm not that crazy to think that I won't need a degree in the future sometime, at least as a fallback. Don't burn bridges, as my parents always used to say.
     
  18. Aruarian Dance

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    Never let a woman come in the way of your long-range goals. I also have to give you props, as I am also a chemist. I also happened to know a girl in my lab who gave up her doctorate degree to follow her husband across the country. It's sad, but it happens. Evaluate your priorities, and see where it all fits.
     
  19. Praetoriani

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    Heh, I'm 16 and I have a chronical case of boredom. I swear, the highlight of my week is the dattebayo Naruto episode and an hour of Karate friday evening. I'm sort of like you, in a different way. I can't be arsed with going out, getting drunk, party, getting a new girlfriend every other week, like everybody else is doing. Seems so pointless, but everything I do currently is pointless to. But when you go out here, it's almost a requirement that you take up (IMHO) stupid bullshit like brand clothing and fashion. I'm way too lazy for all that shit, but its all everybody else talks about. Getting drunk, getting laid, getting a new pair of 200 euro jeans.
     
  20. roguenoir

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    Heh, I feel the same way, man. Being an only child of parents who came from large families, there is much pressure to marry and have kids FAST. However, most people I know around my age, at least in California, have similar views of not wanting to settle down early on.

    I guess 9/11 was a big wake-up call to me.. that our lives could end at any moment. I have many dreams and aspirations for the future but it's possible that those dreams may never come. Though these dreams give me something to look forward to, there are countless little things in life that are equally powerful in bringing happiness. Such as:

    - Smelling the food outside a restaurant and then going there to satisfy your cravings.
    - Hearing a cool song on the radio or your friend's playlist and then getting the artist's newest album (or MP3s for the pirates out there! :p )
    - Talking to a cute girl you see on the street or in the mall who you'd probably never see again if you don't meet her.
    - Dreaming of doing something wonderful, waking up, and actually doing that (assuming it's nothing dangerous, farfetched, or immoral.)
    And the list goes on...

    Of course, at the same time, you don't want to be a homeless bum so you'll want to have a decent job, preferably something you enjoy.. which means staying in school and getting that degree. But once you have life's necessities taken care of, it's time to live to your heart's content (as long as it's nothing immoral.)

    Bleh.. I've been thinking about this for over an hour at 5am when I'm supposed to be going back to sleep.. hopefully I'm making sense and not going on and on.. *yawns*
     
  21. Voynich

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    *relieved sigh*

    My family's rant: Don't ever get married! If you get knocked up or do get married before you're 27 we will personally kill you.

    Well along that lines. My friend is 18 and she got engaged this year..she's gonna marry him in June. I had a major WTF?! experience. I'm 18 and I still don't have a decent bf. I like doing childish stuff like skating through the mall or playing with Lego. Just the idea of being engaged give me the quivers. It's like a new trend. After the 90's where people enjoyed being young as long as possible, we go back to people getting married before they are 25. Apparently that trend moves in waves too. Maybe it has to do with economy. Getting married provides security...of some sort. I'd say time for a research.
     
  22. Stealth Tomato

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    Oh, and you have caused me to finally confirm 100% that never in my life will I live in the South. That is one fucked-up culture, dude.
     
  23. jeffreysuk

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    ur friend got married at 19?
    im 19 - -
     
  24. Stealth Tomato

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    Tip of the Day: Don't move to the South :amuse
     
  25. Neji 25

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    yea, seriously!

    Unless you're going to Miami,FL !
    (we're the penis of the US cant go any farther down than that) :smile-big
     
  26. martryn

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    I really want to get away from here. I don't fit into the Southern lifestyle. I want to move to Boston, or upstate California, or Colorado. Maybe way up north in one of those states that border Canada. My spring break sucked too. I was going to go backpacking across the Ozarks with this good friend of mine when the Wednesday before he calls me up and says that his fiance', that lives in fucking California and that he flies out to see twice a month, invited him to the Carribean. FUCK! My plans foiled. The guy is only 19 himself, what the fuck is he doing with a girlfrined that lives 2000 miles away? Why does he want to get married? Damnit!
    I spent Spring Break in my parents' basement playing FFX while all my other good friends went to Vegas, a trip I declined because I had other plans.
     
  27. Aruarian Dance

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    Heh...Start moving to the coasts and to the north and you should be fine.
     
  28. A2L

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    *whistles* damn that is some crazy shit. Thank god i moved otu of the south for middle school. I wonder if any of my old friends are married or have kids... wow.
    Thank god for california... of coruse if i stayed maybe i'd be getting some action right now instead of typing on my computer.
     
  29. AdventD

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    Heh, I decided a long time ago and reaffirmed this year that after college I'm going to get a job for a few years, save up enough money and go on an adventure and see the world. I want to explore and see the sights and continue to live my youth out and not see it fade away. To be honest things like relationships and marriage(if it were to happen)I could put on hold until I satisfied my thirst for life. Nothing's going to keep me down from fulfilling my dreams.
     
  30. narutonut

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    Life is what you make it. Simple as that. Just as long as you believe it's that simple.

    I'm going to become a international relief worker or an analyst for the UN. That way, I don't have to stay in one place for long periods of time. :blink
     
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